Banged my head on a shop window.

disclaimer I was wearing underwear, just the sheer kind, the splinters went straight through them and my tights!

Back in my early 20's I went to a 'cool' pub on a warm summer's day with a guy I fancied the pants off. This pub was, at best, described as rustic. The beer garden (more like a converted car park as there was no garden to speak of) was on a slant. After a few drinks I get a bit silly and comment on how the benches were like slides.

To illustrate this point, and to my date's amusement (or was it bewilderment?) I slid down the bench saying 'weeeee!'

I got splinters in my bum.

Needless to say no one's pants came off that day.

And I still have the scars!

Theclaws, he wasn't elderly.he must have been around 30.

I have posted this before and its not really a clumsy one…
I had to use metal weights to help with my pelvic floor. I insterted the biggest one, stood up, clenched, and it shot out and broke my toe.

There was a huge pyramid of plastic bottles of Five Pints in the supermarket and DS 3yo decided to be helpful and grab one
Another time I turned round and knocked over some wine in a display in the aisle.

They were really, really nice about it and I'm still allowed to shop there

I do daft things all the time but my best ones so far would be running into a posh bar to get out of the heavy rain, unfortunately running and wet floors don't go together and I slipped and ended up flat on my back in front of the bar!
The second one was going up a flight of stairs in a shop with a big bag on my shoulder, the bag slipped forward causing me to lose balance and end up essentially lying face down on the stairs and unceremoniously sliding down a few stairs on my tummy.
Oh, I've just remembered another one, I'm a teacher and was sitting on the end of my desk excitedly sharing something with my students, I went to get up, somehow managed to get one foot tangled in a chair leg and once again ended up face first sprawled in front of my class. They were 15/16 year olds and nobody dared laugh until I sprang up faster than I went down and had a giggle myself. News spread fast of the falling off my desk incident and I got lots of 'watch you don't fall miss' comments for a good few days!
Reading my (too long) post back I sound like a cross between Bridget jones and mr bean!

I love the sound of Oldraver's "Foot and Moth Crisis"

I am absolutely wetting myself!

I crossed the road ( to get to the other side. LOL) but on the pavement was one of those big black and white roundabout signs. It was dark, it sat at headheight and the edge of the sign was black. Safe to say I wasn't steady on my feet after that.

My sister once split her head open in Specsavers where they used to have a little ramp running up to the window.

Took my son to a Halloween party whilst heavily pregnant and needed the loo. Came out of toilet and one of the little darlings had dropped something on the floor cue me ending up in the splits with my bump and dragging another pregnant woman down with me! I'm surprised we both didn't end up in hospital!

I was standing on a tram once, and didn't realise how jerkily they move, so hadn't grabbed a handrail nearby. My friend was safely sat down. Anyway, the tram moves off and I lose my balance, and fall forwards.
As I'm falling I grab desperately for anything that will stop me. Which happened to be the crotch of a young man sitting over the aisle I fell into.
My friend saw everything, and started giggling at me, as I tried to apologise him without crying with laughter. The remainder of the journey, till we got off the tram, were the longest minutes of my life.

I walked into a plate glass door at the local launderette -which I was using --because my bloody washer broke down-- . It made a real noise and my DH hasn't lived it down. In fairness they now have a stripe on it, so maybe I wasn't the first

Ohhhh...I haven't giggled so hysterically for a long time! DH thinks I've gone stark staring mad!
Love these. I don't really have anything as funny.
I was on a school swimming trip a couple of years ago, and always told the children to be careful of the slope down to the changing rooms. "Please don't run or you'll slip, with your wet feet" I called out to the year 3's...Only to go slipping and sliding myself and landed on my back with the children all looking wide-eyed and saying " Are you all right Mrs jamdonut?". Didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

When I was about 17,I got on the bus at Christmas time to do some late night Christmas shopping in town.the bus was packed,there was only one empty seat (those annoying flip down seats at the front)
I pulled the seat down and as I went to sit on it the bus driver pulled away and the wobbling of the bus moved my hand off the seat,so it flipped back up before I could sit on it and I ended up falling on my face in the middle of the aisle!
Every single person on the bus started to laugh hysterically for what felt like forever!I was too embarrassed to sit up and face them,so being young,foolish and humiliated I spent the rest of the 25 minute bus journey sat on the floor of the bus behind the wooden partition thing with my back resting against the stupid flippy seat.
and to add insult to injury,a man who got off the bus about 5 minutes before we reached town said to me really loudly as he passed me "you can get up now-they've stopped laughing", which set everybody off laughing again!

DH came hone to find me lying, knocked out, in front of the open freezer, surrounded by a puddle of water and my head covered in peas.

This has made me laught the most so far! Although playing dead on the floor of the bus after falling over is a close second

PopeMortificado that bollard sounds made for the purposes of public mortification.

Or indeed pubic mortification.

At least it wasn't at the opticians.

Must learn to proof read! I meant done not don't!

Elmo I have don't the bow thing too! I was 16 and had gone to the cinema to watch Lord of the Rings. It was really busy so we had to sit in our allocated seats which were pretty much right at the front.
About half way through I was really thirsty so got up to get a drink.
So I'm on the way back to my seat with this enormous bucket of coke and about 5 steps from my row fall arse over tit Coke went everywhere and everybody, and I do mean everybody was laughing at me!!! So I did stand up and take a bow

Im a CA in a school and I was sitting crossed legged on the floor painting something. When I went to get up both my feet had pins and needles in them. The whole class of teenagers watched me as I attempted to walked then fall flat on my face, paint going everywhere.
I lay on the floor laughing . Then farted.
Years ago I sat out in the sun in my back garden. The washing line pole fell, hitting me on the head.
I went inside to get a cold compress and used an open packet of frozen peas.
DH came hone to find me lying, knocked out, in front of the open freezer, surrounded by a puddle of water and my head covered in peas.

Walking through Gap in Oxford street I looked up to see someone directly in front of me. I side stepped out the way, they did the same .. i side stepped the other way.. so did they .. then realised I was in front of a late mirror and was trying to side step my own reflection ... left the shop quickly

Yes! Me and DH banged our heads into a very clean shop window simultaneously whilst out walking in town, back in our courting days.. That's how he knew I was the lady he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

I have mentioned this a few times on here..

At the height of the Foot and Moth Crisis I went to a National Trust property. You had to go up a flight of stone stairs, then a landing about 6ft ish, then the glass doors into the reception. I fell up the last few stairs and fell onto my hands and knees right into the disinfectant trough they had.

I shouted "oh fuck" or somesuch and all faces turned to see who the foul mouthed one was

Oh I have a ridiculously long list. I'm stupidly clumsy and Dp is equally as bad.

Right now, he has smashed glasses from opening a cupboard straight into his face, I've got a house brick sized bruise on my bum from slipping down the stairs.

My friend once stumbled in a department store, grabbed the nearest thing for support and found herself lying with a lingerie clad mannequin on top of her.

Ooh after sharing DH's embarrassment I've thought of one for myself (this will definitely out me)
A few years back I was in the park with some friends and their mum and we were running down the hill. I went a bit too fast and managed to catapult myself through the air on to the roundabout (one with about 4 separate partitions going around it) land in the middle of one and whack my head on the centre pole. I did actually knock myself out for a few seconds.
This was followed by a lot of are you alright and a lots of laughter. I was fine and thinking about it now, how I landed was quite impressive and definitely a 'you've be framed moment'
I'm lucky I didn't do myself so serious damage