Banged my head on a shop window.

I saw someone slip on the ice this morning - glanced out of the car window to see her skidding along the pavement with flying arms and legs akimbo, and with a huge grin on her face, knowing she looked a right twat

My Mum is the queen of these too. She has slid on a full fish wrapped in brown paper past a full comedy bus queue on one foot.

She also needed to pass wind, and thought she was discretely reversing herself into an alleyway between two shops, but misjudged it and farted onto the crotch of a man coming out of the shoe shop.

I still cry laughing when I think about it.

I love these threads!

I've told this story before, but it's a belter.

I was heading to drop DS off at grannies so I could go to the gym, so clad in slippy leggings and gym bag slung across both shoulders. I popped him down to open the car door, he suddenly made a bolt up the drive and I quickly tried to stand up, but when I had bent over, thanks to my shiny clothes my bag had slipped down my body and arse, jack-knifing me in two.

I promptly fell to the side and somehow managed to roll like a woodlouse and tumble through - yes through- the little fence into next door's drive.

Just remembered another one. I was in the Santa Claus Village in Lapland and was browsing the shopping area. At the time I had an painful wrist so it was wrapped up with a compression bandage.

Anyway, was looking at the hunting knife shop and decided to pull one out of its sheaf to check how sharp it was. It was a bit stuck though so I had to pull really hard, then it came out suddenly and as my hand flew back I overcompensated by moving it forwards quickly...right into the finger of my hand with injured wrist. Because of the compression bandage blood spurted out with force, going all over the knife display and then the floor as I rushed wildly around the shop panicking.

Poor shopworkers had to bandage me up and clean up the blood and then made me sit down for a bit to calm down. A little boy was walking past and he asked me if I had hurt myself so I decided to turn it into a learning opportunity and told him that's why you should never play with knives

Ended up buying the knife of course, felt I couldn't not buy it after stabbing myself with it!

Someone walked smack bang in to a Specsavers window in front of me once. No one ever believes me though. I honestly thought I was going to wet myself.

When I was about 13, and in the prime of my 'awkward teenage' phase, I walked full on in to a glass window (next to the glass door) in a bank on holiday. I laughed, left the shop, walked about a metre and then promptly burst into floods of tears about how "everyone would be talking about me for the rest of forever". Nobody can "sky is falling" like an awkward teenage girl

I walk into things all the time and I've got used to the embarrassment.
My worst one was when we were walking across a field with very long grass. DH had DD on his shoulders and I was pregnant. We werent sure where the gap was to get to the next field so DH goes off the track to take a look. Only there's a ditch you can't see because of the grass and he goes head over heels with DD. I panic and run towards them. Of course I do exactly the same. Our friends just look at me like I'm crazy and DH is panicked because of the (high risk) pregnancy. I think the words "what did you think would happen" may have been shouted expressed in my direction once DH knew I wasn't hurt.
My most embarrassing one was when we switched cars from one with parking sensors to one without, and I very carefully edged forward into a bollard in the Tesco carpark. There was a man looking at me like I was completely foolish and he'd be right .

I took DH to London last year for his birthday treat and we went to Madame Tussauds because they had a special Star Wars exhibit on and DH is total geek fanboy bit of a fan.
There is a bit when you go in with lots of 'Hollywood' stars and we were waiting ages for someone to finish taking a photograph of one waxwork when we realised that the photographer was also a waxwork! Thats a bit sneaky!
We also inadvertantly ended up stalking a very nice lady round the whole Star Wars set up so that was a bit

I once crossed a road that was full of stationary traffic. I didn't realise that, of the two cars I had chosen to walk in between, once was towing the other. I tripped over the tow rope and fell flat on my face, bust my nose on the kerb and grazed all my knees and hands. I've never been able to decide which was worse, the pain or the humiliation.....

i'd spent my morning lubing up a pregnant lady and her toddler

At that point I decided to say "how dare you" and storm out of the meeting on my high horse except I fell over a TINY waste paper bin and ended up flailing face first on my boss's floor.

My version. I was doing a computer course but one of the instructors and myself just didn't get along. We were constantly sniping at one another every lesson until everyone else was sick of us. I'd had enough one day so did an almighty flounce, stood up, shoved my things into my bag and stormed out saying "I'm off and I'm never coming back!". I got to the end of the corridor before I realised I'd left my mobile phone still tethered to the computer to recharge it. So I had to go back in while everyone smirked at me. And off I went again. Only to get as far as the entrance to the building and remember that I'd also left my USB stick, containing all my coursework, still attached to the computer too so back I went yet again.

Worst. Flounce. Ever.

No, no, no, Mumsnet!!!! I need to do some work and I come on here and find this. Well, that's the morning gone

omg 'shouted up my skirt' I've actually snorted and laughed out loud at this one...

Was in Debenhams, just about to go up the moving stairs. There was a collection of mannikins at the bottom. As I approached, one moved. I yelped and fell UP the moving stairs. It was a person impersonating a mannikin. the tricksy bastard. My dp does not believe this story and I am still unsure if it was a marketing campaign by the shop or a member of the public having a laugh.

I'm laughing just as much at the typos here as the stories. Foot and Moth crisis indeed!

Another one which happened while I was cutting grass in a dog walker's park. I was dying for a pee in the early hours of a cold morning so went in search of a suitable bush to hide behind. There wasn't much of a choice so I thought I'd just get it over with. Just as the last few drips were done, a bloke walking a dog came round the corner. I jumped up in my bright yellow safety workwear and scrabbled to pull up my knickers, tight thermal leggings, normal leggings and my work trousers (no dungarees this time) and pull down my vest all at the same time. Spectacular fail. I kind of laughed it off. There's no way he didn't notice the luminous yellow figure but he had the grace to pretend he hadn't.

It was awful. My toddler and the other toddler began having their own version of messy play and smearing their lubed up hands across the table. Other mother and I stopped singing whilst the others merrily carried on. I cannot tell you how hard it is to get a packet of wipes open when you hands are covered in slippy lube. She said not a word but just frowned in a sort of disbelieving sort of way while I shoved wipes at her. The shame nearly burned a hole in me. It was made worse and slightly more comical by the fact that the other mother was heavily pregnant. When DH called at lunch I was laughing like a hyena down the phone trying to explain that I'd spent my morning lubing up a pregnant lady and her toddler.

Great thread!

Mine is a work one. I was having an unpleasant meeting with my boss and a PITA whom I manage due to his lateness and other stuff like not booking leave. I'd been in hospital that year and this guy referred to that as the reason that he was late etc (?) At that point I decided to say "how dare you" and storm out of the meeting on my high horse except I fell over a TINY waste paper bin and ended up flailing face first on my boss's floor. I just remember both of their bemused faces as I got to my feet and resumed my " storm" out ... to the ladies loo!!

Two years ago I had a job mowing lawns for the council. I also used a strimmer, and grass flew everywhere, including down my tshirt and into my bra. I had a bit of an itch under my boob but as I was wearing dungarees I couldn't reach under my top to remove whatever was itching me. I returned to my works car which was tucked behind a block of flats and quite secluded, bent down to the wing mirror, stuck my hand down the neck of my tshirt, hoisted up a large boob and dug around for the offending grassy bit between my tit and my bra underwire using the mirror as a guide. All done I popped my tit back in, adjusted my clothing and turned to walk away, noting that one of my colleagues was in the front passenger seat on that very side, talking on a phone.

Would you believe he never saw a thing?

Oh and Sherlocke I've also fallen through a ceiling into the room below - I was only 9 though, and my folks were refurbishing. I went straight through the new plasterboard they'd just paid for They felt so sorry for me (I was quite badly grazed and bruised) that they took me out for fish and chips afterwards. Worth it, in my 9-year-old's opinion!

Oh god, laughing at sex lube and naked Christmas!

I've just thought of two more

Last Christmas, we took my parents to visit a very pretty monument near-ish our house. It was snowy and I was pretty excitably running towards the monument while everyone else sensibly walked and slipped, landing on literally the only sharp object in a 10-meter radius. 4 stitches in my arm, plus I passed out in the hospital after calling the doctor a f*cker for injecting the cut with anaesthetic without telling me first.

Also managed to break my ankle falling over a pair of heels. I wasn't wearing them, they were lying on my bedroom floor

Slipsliding-I can't stop laughing at your post!you gave a stranger lube to run into her toddlers hands
was anything said?

I took my, then yet to be diagnosed with ASD, DS to a very hippy toddler play group when he was about 2. Getting out the door always involved tears on his part and mine but this particular morning I was determined to get out for the house for my own sanity. The last thing I grabbed was the hand sanitizer from our en suite. DS was downstairs already in the buggy throwing a massive strop. We got there just in time for the singing before they served the bread and the mother next to me asked if she could borrow the hand gel. As we both smeared it on our toddlers hands it became very apparent that something wasn't quite right as it wasn't absorbing.....it wasn't hand gel. Without my glasses on I had in fact picked up the sex lube! As we both peered suspiciously at the bottle I turned several shades of red and prayed the earth would swallow me. On the bus ride home I just burst with sobbing laughter and looked like a complete lunatic.

*didn't live

I have another...
I was working on a building site,and entered through the new conservatory door stupidly without a hard hat (which one of the builders had left a claw hammer hanging off the frame) as I shut the door,the claw hammer landed on my head with a loud thud.
I saw stars.after realising I was actually ok,the 5 builders there started pissing themselves laughing.didn't live that one down for a while!