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Original poster

Help! What rhymes with cuntweasel?

133 replies

squishysquirmy · 17/11/2016 10:58

Other than teasel, easel, or measle?
Writing a sweary poem, and really wanted to include it but struggling to find a rhyme that isn't completely out of context.....

OP posts:

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 17/02/2017 00:42

Woohoo! Dr Seuss and Roald Dahl for adults. Brilliant! Bravo!

maydayingillead · 02/02/2017 22:34

I didn't complain about this thread at the time but is it too late to report it (and the poem) for being grotesquely offensive. There are far far too few swearwords in it.

FeelingSmurfy · 22/11/2016 21:39

Oh my fucking God! That is fantastic!!!

HelenaJustina · 22/11/2016 21:31

My favourite line is
'A win won like that is one we've all lost'

Original poster

squishysquirmy · 22/11/2016 09:58

I am honestly the meekest person in real life.
Do you know what? I thought this poem might be a bit harsh at first.
It bloody isn't though - the last week has convinced me it's too kind.
"maybe the worst was just bluster, bombast" : It wasn't apparently. It's only two weeks in and he's revealed himself to be exactly the same as a president elect as he was as a candidate.

OP posts:

iamEarthymama · 21/11/2016 16:12

Love it!

Pteranodon · 21/11/2016 15:45

Just got who this reminds me of - Holly McNish

lifelongfrugaleer · 20/11/2016 18:00

Awesome

GeorgeTheThird · 20/11/2016 17:49

It doesn't rhyme.
But it's very true.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 20/11/2016 17:47

love it! vocal pollution is my favourite bit, after arse-measle.

Lorelei76 · 20/11/2016 17:35

OP I think you should get this published but also, I'd like to say thank you. This is going to be my go to for therapy. I've been hit hard by this, even though I knew it was coming, I'm shocked at how upset I am - America being very much part of my and my loved ones' worlds. You have given coherence to some of my saddest and deepest feelings of revulsion and that helps.

champersandgin · 20/11/2016 15:30

That's a brilliant poem.

Original poster

squishysquirmy · 20/11/2016 15:20

Also, below is the non-offensive version. I really hope this new version will not offend anyone but do please let me know if it is still too harsh:

I do not wish to offend you, but I must respectfully admit that I do not much care for the cut of your jib.

Furthermore, I have reason to feel some misgivings about the veracity of several of your past statements.

I am also concerned that you have not always conducted yourself in a gentlemanly manner and at times your comments on minorities in particular could be construed as a tad unsporting.

Most importantly, I am compelled to confess that I have observed certain parallells between your rhetoric and rise to power (in particular the threats to lock up political opponents; scapegoating of unpopular minorities; exploitation of security fears as an excuse to clamp down on civil freedoms; nostalgic nationalism; promises to increase military power; inciting violence against protestors at rallies; strong reaction to media criticism; demonisation of liberalism, feminism and human rights; links to white supremacists; and wilfull promotion of demonstrably untrue conspiracy theories) and a political ideology of the 20th Century.

Respectfully,
Squishy.

It doesn't rhyme unfortunately.

OP posts:

Original poster

squishysquirmy · 20/11/2016 15:19

for the nice comments.
Realistically prawn, I don't think there are many ways to make money from a sweary poem but thanks for the info anyway.
To clarify: I am happy for anyone to copy or forward this poem. I do not want the daily mail etc trying to make money from this. (If you are reading this, DM, don't you have some medical trials to be wilfully misunderstanding??)

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 20/11/2016 10:38

I think the difference in the US is that you can register copyright, not that you must.

Wouldn't bloody surprise me though

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 20/11/2016 10:14

I did a course on copyright many years ago and have produced a lot of copyrighted material. I'm pretty sure that under British law your copyright is safe.

However, and this is a big however, your position under the American system is very different. There you need to apply for copyright and pay a modest fee. Given the nature of your magnificent diatribe I would suggest it was well worth your while to do this. You can register copyright under a pseudonym, although you will need to provide your real name to the copyright people.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 20/11/2016 10:11

squishysquirmy that is a bloody work of genius!

YonicProbe · 20/11/2016 00:33

Very good

MrsHathaway · 19/11/2016 19:26

Should clarify: IANAL but work in a related field and have done exams about OP including copyright.

HelenaJustina · 19/11/2016 19:24

Absolutely amazing, love it'

Original poster

squishysquirmy · 19/11/2016 19:22

Thanks Mrs Hathaway. That's exactly what I hoped.
Thanks also for the corrections... I have a complete blind spot to my own typos, and it doesn't help that my spellchecker is a bit of a prude.

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 19/11/2016 19:14

It is your intellectual property. By posting on MN you grant them a non exclusive licence to publish but that has diddly squat to do with other reproduction or your own rights.

Similarly, granting us the licence to republish properly attributed doesn't permit anyone else looking at you "journalists" in the Fail offices publishing it for financial gain.

RosaliesGinBottle · 19/11/2016 19:13

Love it!
PS. flaccid not flacid :)

GeorgeTheThird · 19/11/2016 18:26

That's good then
I think you spell it cuntweasel not cuntweasle

Original poster

squishysquirmy · 19/11/2016 18:14

A good point George.
I suppose I shouldn't use legal terms I don't understand...
Anyway, I have no objection to anyone copying this as long as they don't pass it off as their original work, iyswim.

OP posts:

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