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Original poster

Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClopySow · 11/11/2016 15:16

Hot monte! New name for my fanny. I shall use it seductively.

OP posts:
FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 11/11/2016 15:02

Minge not MONTE!! Grin is Boob sweat visible? Confused

RavenQueen · 11/11/2016 14:59

This is in the same league as boob sweat!!! I worked with a girl who had awful boob sweat Confused Or do you think boob sweat deserves it's own thread Confused Grin

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 11/11/2016 14:59

merry it's not sweat moisture 'leaking' onto the chair, neither is it discharge or piss it is 'condensation caused by hot monte coming into contact with cold chair.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/11/2016 14:53

I have NO idea what you're all on about!!Confused Grin

BreconBeBuggered · 11/11/2016 14:53

Oh, fuckkk. Was congratulating myself on not suffering from the hot crotch, then realised that since I've never noticed anyone else's steamy offerings I could well be walking away obliviously from my own. And I go to a lot of plasticky-chair meetings.

MerryMarigold · 11/11/2016 14:51

Not had time to RTFT, but can anyone answer how this happens when you have a pair of trousers or a skirt between yourself and the chair. I mean....just HOW? Is your skirt so short that your pants are directly on the chair? Does the moisture go through a layer of pants and a layer of skirt/ trouser? Confused

SomewhereOverTheRainbow2013 · 11/11/2016 14:43

Just told my DH about this thread and he has kindly named it fu fu fog! 😂😂😂

lilyboleyn · 11/11/2016 14:39

I'm so relieved to read this. I thought it was because I have a rather portly arse.

Red71 · 11/11/2016 14:37

i thought it was just me! Thanks for the reassurance :-)

Besplendour · 11/11/2016 14:32

Rachel that's javelin arse I think?

Besplendour · 11/11/2016 14:32

Gosh I remember spotting this once in high school. The biggest bitch in my year (who was quite a small chunky person) used to wear very short skirts. She got up one day from a plastic chair beside me and I saw her trying to surreptitiously wipe away the wet mark.

I can still feel the schadenfreude.

Sephipops · 11/11/2016 14:31

Oh my, this is up there with the penis beaker 😂
I've noticed it a few times in my life, but now I have a small human being my dignity has fled. I'm more concerned about not covering myself with baby sick...

alwayshappy101 · 11/11/2016 14:25

Oh mummysue24...you have had me in stitches Grin

BossWitch · 11/11/2016 14:18

Hmm. Just saw this thread on Facebook linked from the unmumsy mum page. Not sure how I feel about that. It's basically the same as when the daily hate mail steal threads for their website.

Monkeybunkey · 11/11/2016 14:15

This thread has had me crying with laughter, which is much needed at the moment! Am also very glad it's not just me (lots of rehearsals in school halls etc. with awful plastic chairs have necessitated the twist and slide).

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 11/11/2016 14:15

OMG .. Beyoncé is ONE. OF. US!!! ShockSmile

Fanny condensation
Nuggy2013 · 11/11/2016 14:05

You need to put a warning on the thread title. I had a baby 2 weeks ago and nearly burst stitches laughing out loud at this!!! Thanks ladies, just what I needed!!! Please continue!!!

PterodactylToenails · 11/11/2016 14:03

Oh gawd I won't be able to sit on a plastic chair now without thinking someone else's fanny sweat is on it! Puke.

Oldraver · 11/11/2016 14:01

Pollyanna My ex BF used to encourage his new g/f to not wear pants and very very short skirts so you could see the no pants. So whenever she sat down on a seat in the club her fanny was making direct contact with the seat.

Consequently she was knicknamed 'snail trail' and people used to fight over NOT siting in her recently vacated seat

Tigerbreadtum · 11/11/2016 13:35

DH just asked what I was laughing at (heard from other end of house over hairdryer so must've been a proper guffaw!) so I explained the misty phenomenon. Apparently it's not just a lady problem! Clammy crotch?
Ps will now be employing the slide wipe wherever I go! Love this thread.

Mummysue24 · 11/11/2016 13:10

Oh thank God it's not just me, I had the horror of an physio appointment so thought it's my knee I'll wear a skirt (easy access to the offending knee and no shame full dropping of the trousers to reveal the muffin top) anyway after being made to do what could only be described as a gymnastic act with my knee I sat down had a chat, when it came to leave i stood up and notice the patch in such a rush to hide the offending patch I pushed the chair in but caught my other leg in the chair in turn falling over with my legs in the air revealing everything!!! Including the patch on the chair..#ifonlyiknew #horrified

Julju · 11/11/2016 13:08

Itchy school cheeks! I'd forgotten all about that! Wool tights were the culprit for that. I used to like a stool at the back of the room

Zoflorabore · 11/11/2016 13:06

Second time I've said this but this so belongs in classics!!
So glad I've had both my parents evenings this week, out of the way for another year, enough time to absolutely perfect the twist and slide.
At ds's last night I had a bloody huge scarf and sat on it at every opportunity, sometimes there were other parents hovering behind waiting for the same teacher so no time to check, the things we go through.... I finally feel part of the gangGrin

Kalfaris · 11/11/2016 12:56

I'm 25, mother of two, 5ft1 and weigh 8st and I get this.
It's only because that is the hottest place on our bodies. And I bet you all like me sit with your legs clamped shut and don't shift in your seats much. I'd like to say it's because I'm a lady but I swear like a sailor and belch like one too.
Oh and ladies it gets worse during different times of the month.

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