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Original poster

Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
MargoChanning · 08/11/2016 22:32

I get this too and cannot tell you how delighted I am to hear I am not alone!

roundaboutthetown · 08/11/2016 22:32

Well, it is warm, dark and damp down there.

WetsTheFinger · 08/11/2016 22:31

This is hilarious. I use a leather stool during long operations (vet) and get the diamond of doom on that. Very embarrassing as can't even stealthily wipe in a sterile environment BlushHmm

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/11/2016 22:31

Happens to me too Blush - it's really not sweat that has soaked through your clothes, it is condensation from the temperature difference between your hot crotch (ARF) and the cold chair.

QueenM awesome new user name!

QueenMortificado · 08/11/2016 22:30

I think it's just the hottest part of your body surely, sort of like your armpit

God, imagine if your partner for confused in the night and started sidling up to you and ended up fingering your armpit by accident

Original poster
ClopySow · 08/11/2016 22:30

All hail queenmortificado!!

I really don't think it's sweat, if i was sweating that much, my leggings would have been soaked man. I need to go and read the science of condensation to completely make sense if it. But it's hot moist air hitting a cold surface isn't it? Is my fanny breathing or something?

OP posts:
Shinyshoes2 · 08/11/2016 22:29

Ooooh I get this !! Dp looks at me in disgust and makes a retching face if we are in public .... I've got the twist and slide thing down like a pro....
Sweaty vaj ! Happens ALOT in summer , except mines a straight line from front to back not a neat diamond

LittleStripyBee · 08/11/2016 22:28

ninny just when I thought mn was over you made me snort most unattractively with your fanny facial!

Surely this has happened to everyone even if just at the gym? Doing more reps so person waiting for the machine leaves as you know you've left a hot mingerprint on the seat.

NotAPuffin · 08/11/2016 22:28

I've been doing the slide out of chairs for years.

I also leave a diamond imprint on softer chairs - not fabric, but old soft leather or pleather. A quick pre-standing wriggle sorts that out too.

Juno Whatsit may be delighted with the sharing or makeup tips but these are the real secrets of femininity Grin

mellowfartfulness · 08/11/2016 22:28

Oh god this has happened to me ever since puberty. Doesn't seem to matter what I'm wearing. I overheat easily and I assume it's general arse/fanny/thigh sweat compressed into the diamond patch of shame. I have been twisting and sliding off plastic chairs since I was a teenager.

crashdoll · 08/11/2016 22:27

Oh it's coming from the vag area, you say?! Hmm. I always assumed I had a sweaty bum.

thatsn0tmyname · 08/11/2016 22:26

Happens to me. Just do a slow slide/ scoop forward as you get off the chair.

QueenMortificado · 08/11/2016 22:26

Done! Hoorah!

Btw, have you ever actually put your hand about half a centimetre from your crotch and felt the heat it gives off? Mine is literally like a furnace on a steam train.

My weird friends and I spent a very weird 15 mins comparing the relative heats of each other's areas.

slippedupagain · 08/11/2016 22:26

steamy fanjo to the front, hot arse to the back = sweaty diamond of shame.

I'm howling, thank you for that Grin

What actually causes it though? Is it just having really hot (as in temperature) bits on cold plastic/faux leather?

ShatnersBassoon · 08/11/2016 22:25

Yes, I've produced a dewy diamond and seen those produced by others. You've got to chamois the chair off before standing by perching on the edge of the seat as if you're making to stand up then going back on the seat and rooting through your bag, and then perching on the edge again.

cakedup · 08/11/2016 22:25

I think this happens to me, but you have confused me by calling it condensation. I thought it was a sweat patch? Or is that a different problem that only I get?

Original poster
ClopySow · 08/11/2016 22:25

minge mist. beautiful.

OP posts:
SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 08/11/2016 22:25

Another sideways slider here.
Another reason to avoid man made fibres where possible.

cozietoesie · 08/11/2016 22:25

Ah. You didn't do the 'shuffle' then? Grin

hudyerwheesht · 08/11/2016 22:24

The worst - the absolute worst - to try to void is the gym equipment seat sweat patch.

The slide/twist combo doesn't work too well on those saddles on the bikes/rowing machines,etc.
I have to pretend to faff around getting a drink,etc whilst doing a stealthy towel-wipe.

I do get paranoid that people see me wiping my sweaty face and wonder why I don't use the towel I've got.Blush

Original poster
ClopySow · 08/11/2016 22:24

bingo i bow to your coping skills. Thankyou for new strategies.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 08/11/2016 22:24

Ohhh, I think tights would be a disaster! A gusset-ty smear of condensation.
Bare thighs, or full trouser/skirt coverage. All leave the same 'mark'. The only solution is to hover.

NoelHeadbands · 08/11/2016 22:23

I WAS WEARING BLACK

My clothing was unsullied (and not a sniff of polyester either thangyewverymuch) it was just the leatherette that wore my minge mist like a scar of shame

Original poster
ClopySow · 08/11/2016 22:23

english fanny.

It happened to me tonight in fucking leggings so the tights thing doesn't hold up.

It disappears kinda quick, it's not like a big wet trail, it really is condensation.

OP posts:
Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel · 08/11/2016 22:22

I work in a school and it happens all the time - seen it happen to boys too as well as girls and I always do the sideways bum shuffle off a chair just in case Grin

Another top tip is to half stand, then remember to say something else, or check your bag so sit again with a cheek and that wipes the damp patch quite effectively. I may have overthought my strategies to deal with this phenomenon... Blush

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