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Original poster

Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
jmszel · 09/11/2016 13:24

This has happened to me too :) glad I'm not the only one. This has been a very amusing read :)

Original poster
ClopySow · 09/11/2016 07:37

Beaver breath

Smile
OP posts:
VladimirsPooTin · 09/11/2016 06:12

It happens to me. When I was a teenager, someone noticed it at secondary school and I was picked on mercilessly. I'm relieved to see it isn't just me. And it isn't sweat- it can happen when you're cold. I slide to the front of my seat as the meeting or whatever it is I'm doing is coming to an end so that by the end of the conversation I'm almost hovering awkwardly and a bit squatty.Blush

TheClaws · 09/11/2016 04:52

Once at a school function there was a teenage boy sitting in front of me - I'd say he was about 16 or so. He smelled atrocious. It was a long function that consisted of various musical pieces. He hopped up to take part in one and left a huge, and a can only assume stinky, wet patch behind.

I always think about that now when sitting in school-provided chairs...

Boeufsurletoit · 09/11/2016 00:39

You're not alone! I remember the shame of standing up after a Uni seminar when we sat on plastic chairs in a circle. I used to put bag on chair and rummage while I waited for minge moisture to disperse!

torthecatlady · 09/11/2016 00:34

I was thinking of the cha cha slide too!

I've been twisting and sliding since puberty! I also double check by putting my bag or papers on the chairs and having a quick "check to make sure I have everything".

It actually happened the other day at the vets... but instead of putting my bag on the seat, I put my pussycat on it in his carrier. True story.

BillyDaveysDaughter · 09/11/2016 00:20

You are all disgusting, my nethers have never produced any kind of visible moisture.

KIDDING. My minge mist is award winning, although rarely the diamond of doom...more of a Nike swoosh of pride. Behold, my steamy hot foof.

Would it be vulgar to up the ante and talk about the effects of wearing polyester trousers cut snugly around the crotch?

user1475253854 · 09/11/2016 00:14

Does anyone remember the cha cha slide?

Sliiiiiide to the left
Sliiiiide to the right
And leave your seat
Nice and clean

OhBlissOhJoy · 09/11/2016 00:12

It appears I have a swamp crotch.
Didn't think I would type that sentence tonight Blush

HazelnutCoffeeandMincePies · 09/11/2016 00:07

Slide and twist here too! So glad to have found my people!

BumWad · 09/11/2016 00:03

Oh kaelea!!! Grin

Pussy patches yes that works

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 09/11/2016 00:02

Is this the new Bend & Snap?! The Twist & Slide?

GarlicMist · 09/11/2016 00:00

Grin Grin Grin kaelea 😂

FishyWishies · 08/11/2016 23:52

Horsepower9, you've made me laugh out loud, which is a very rare thing. Thanks.

FookyNell · 08/11/2016 23:34

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU OP! I also leave pussy patches and thought it was just me.

Between this and the celeb rumours threads I am so in love with Mumsnet right now.

MingeFog · 08/11/2016 23:32

"Beaver Breath" !!!

Wookiecookies · 08/11/2016 23:31

Can I say, My DH kindly added 'Beaver Breath' to the list of potential names for this phenomenon! Grin

MingeFog · 08/11/2016 23:30

Good lord Littlewoo you've just given me some horrific hairdresser flashbacks!!!

I'll tell you all now that there's nothing like teaching a group of teenagers English (as a foreign language) and then wondering how many of them saw your Diamond of Doom as you swung your seat back under the desk at the end of the lesson Grin the devastating realisation meant that I used to try and stand for the majority of lessons (1 hour 20 mins)!

dontpokethebear · 08/11/2016 23:26

This thread that just keeps on giving Grin

Wookiecookies · 08/11/2016 23:23

Never suffered from the fanny fog, But I am so glad you shared! Grin

Loving the glade plug in legotits

metaphoricus · 08/11/2016 23:20

*Don't be tempted by scented liners.

That turns you into a glade plug in.

Every so often it puffs out the stink*

Takes care of the steam though, innit?

happymumof4crazykids · 08/11/2016 23:19

Happens to me too! I have been mortified for years and keep thinking people will think I've wet myself a bit or something! Glad I'm not the only one it happens too. I could never understand how my clothes were dry but the seat had a diamond of moisture.

Littlewoo · 08/11/2016 23:19

This threadGrin
I'm always ultra paranoid when I'm at the hairdressers. Sitting for ages getting my highlights done then the hairdresser comes over and asks me to move to the sink to get my hair washed.
She must wonder what's taking me so long as I do a variation of bum shimmys across the seat to ensure there's no fanny precipitation left.

JedRambosteen · 08/11/2016 23:18

kaelea Thank you. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I also had to pause Netflix and then rewind because I'd missed some important plot points during the howling and crying with laughter stage.

HoneyDragon · 08/11/2016 23:18

I do this. Has never ever bothered me. Didn't know it was meant to.

I have happily sat in a chairs before with fading fanny patches.