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Original poster

Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
PussyPatches · 09/11/2016 20:23

*Fanny

PussyPatches · 09/11/2016 20:22

Quite a few if these (including my own).
would be great drag names

Minge Mist would be v glamorous

Fancy Condensation more scary

0urKid · 09/11/2016 19:02

Pantyliners are definitely NOT my friend. I have to wear a pad everyday for leakinesssorry I mean "irritable bladder". I still get the stain of shame.

Mrsderekshepard · 09/11/2016 18:57

It's never happened to me as far as I know....

Nottsangel2015 · 09/11/2016 18:57

Omg I'm so glad I've found this thread! This happens to me!! Always at school on those stupid plastic chairs! Thought I was the only one! Phew!!! I always shift about in my chair and edge myself to the edge before I know I'm going to get up in the hope to wipe it away if I cannot sit on a coat, cardi or other accessory lol I shall be trying the slide way to see if it works better.
Minge most Grinlove it!!!

farfarawayfromhome · 09/11/2016 18:54

Ah fellow minge misters!

My crotch area sweats like mount Vesuvius.

My fiend who is a doctor says that the crotch/vagina area has as many sweat glands as an armpit...so I feel better and it must be true.

As someone else has said, the pantyliner is your friend. I wear one every morning, not for secretions, just to help mop up the pure sweat....they have been a game changer...

Niggit · 09/11/2016 18:54
Grin

I always thought it was just me! I thought I must be built funny...

First noticed it as a teenager when my Dad gave me a lift on his beloved motorbike. When I hopped off, there it was - the certified moist muff kitemark. We both stared at it for a second too long, then I did an awkward half-arsed wipe with my sleeve, and he kind of harrumphed and wheeled the bike into the garage. Probably so he could Swarfega the seat. Blush

NoelHeadbands · 09/11/2016 18:47

Is it groin sweat or vaginal secretions?

It's neither. It's just condensation that happens when there's an enclosed space twixt hot body and cold seat

Boomerangs · 09/11/2016 18:43

Never heard anything of the sort don't people wear pantyliners?!

Pollyanna9 · 09/11/2016 18:42

I wonder if the bleaching thing is some kind of disinfection process for cocks? But it's never been documented and it's purpose remain unknown?

Pollyanna9 · 09/11/2016 18:39

There is worse than this fanny condensation though (apparently).

Ex MIL advised that back in the 70s when she was beautiful, slim and wearing very short 70s style mini skirts and dresses (sans pants) she once got up off the chair in the waiting room of the Drs and there was - er, fanny juices on the chair!!!

Oh my God, can you imagine?!!!!

I could never go knickerless and have that happen!

PosiePootlePerkins · 09/11/2016 18:38

I am a sweaty betty down below, but I worry if I deodorise it will just leak out somewhere else. The sweat, I mean.
What's worse though, sweaty crotch or sweaty face/belly/other body part? HmmConfused

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 09/11/2016 18:38

I first had this when I was about 7 - on a sticky plastic faux leather chair on a very hot day - my mum accused me of having a small 'accident' - it still bugs me to this day >:-

smEGGtoplasm · 09/11/2016 18:35

Fleach?!

0urKid · 09/11/2016 18:33

Yeah I don't hang my bleachy crotched knickers out. No way no how. My neighbour would definitely judge me. Mind you she doesn't hang any washing out despite being something of a lentil weaver. :o

Original poster
ClopySow · 09/11/2016 18:31

I have heard of odaban, but i thought it was just for your oxters.

I'm googling it now.

OP posts:
mellowfartfulness · 09/11/2016 18:29

Yes, my dark coloured knickers are all bleached in the crotch. The mysterious powers of the minge. Makes me embarrassed to hang them out to dry tbh.

AGinForEachMakesThree · 09/11/2016 18:28

Fallow I'm crying 😂
I too have bleached many a pair of black cotton knickers. OH asked about it just the other day and I'm sure he's now convinced I'm going to bleach his knob next time we dtd Grin

OP, I also get fanny condensation, so glad it's not just me!

0urKid · 09/11/2016 18:22

Clopy have you heard of Odaban? I even apply it to my forehead (with cotton wool) I use it between my thighs. It really helps.

RachelHRD · 09/11/2016 18:21

I'm so relieved it's not just me! I too have the twist and slide down to a tee. It's even worse in the summer, so on holiday I tend to wear a light pad and that collects I mean stops it!
Top tip if you have an important meeting etc just wear a pad and no diamond or stripe of doom!
Thank you Clopy for making us realise we are not alone. I shall be looking out for fellow twist and sliders from now on....... 😂😂

Original poster
ClopySow · 09/11/2016 18:20

Yes fallow

Fanny bleach is a thing. Fleach? All my black knickers have an orangey yellow bleached bit. What the fuck is this hot air bleach dispensing machine between my legs?

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 09/11/2016 18:20

Fallowfield - yes I have a toxic fanny that bleaches my knickers Grin

Thankfully I've been on Mumsnet long enough to have seen this issue before Wink

Original poster
ClopySow · 09/11/2016 18:18

Fluffycloud

Antiperspirant for your foof?

Start talking lady

OP posts:
BenLinusatemyhomework · 09/11/2016 18:14

No comment Fallowfield.