To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

I managed to sew myself to a dress I was making as a college project. Needed to go to A&E to get the needle removed from my finger.
Can I tell you about one of dh's mishaps?
He's always been one for trying to do too much at once. Like trying to carry too many breakable things in one go. I've had words about this before when he's not bothered asking for help and has ended up breaking something.
On this occasion he was trying to balance a load of stuff together badly and move it out the way while he was trying to cook.
He had spilled grease on the floor.
He did what I can only describe as some sort of mutant version of the Lindy Hop when he realised he had no hand free to steady himself. He fell over and dropped everything.
I didn't know whether to laugh or scream.

When I was about 13 I hid my mobile phone in my TV's built-in VHS player (pre-DVDs) in case the house was burgled. Not only was that totally illogical, but I didn't turn the phone off and when I came back the TV was totally knackered.

So, so many to choose from...

I picked my newborn DS up by his head instead of by his chest. (Yes, he's fine.) He was in a sitting position and I was completely out of it on post surgery morphine.

Broke a toe by jumping off a stage. Broke the same toe, two years later, by jumping off the same stage to demonstrate to someone how I'd done it the first time.

Almost caused a car accident by showing my aunty the scar on my breast from my lumpectomy. We were in a car at the time and some random man saw us, did a double take and almost crashed off the road. He corrected it, but it was a close thing.

When DD1 was a baby, sleep deprivation led me to put her bottle in the cupboard and a jar of coffee in the microwave. It didn't end well!

When I was 16 I was ironing a shirt and couldn't be bothered to get the ironing board. Instead of using a folded up towel or something under my black top, I just went ahead and ironed it placed straight on to my light blue carpet. Yes, the heat bonded it to the carpet and I had to peel it off. I was most disgruntled at the blue threads of carpet ruining my shirt, rather than the patches of welded black fabric stuck to the floor.

I rang my mobile because I couldn't find it, and was less than impressed to find it was engaged and 'someone' was using it. It was me calling my mobile, from my mobile!

I'm positive there are many more, they are the first 2 that sprang to mind though.

I also once had DS in the car seat in the back seat to drive him to nursery and the car wouldn't start. I phoned the local mini cab to come pick us up so I could take DS to nursery before sorting out the car.

DS was getting irritable so I went and sat in the back seat with him to settle him while waiting for the cab. I accidentally shut the sleeve of my jumper in the door when I got in the back seat. I realised that the child locks were on and the windows were electric so my only option was to take my jumper off and climb over the front seat to get out.

Of course I was hurriedly doing this and had just opened the front car door wearing only my bra when the mini cab pulled up so I just had to open the back door and get my jumper and put it on while acting like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I thought I would be finished before he got there

Last Christmas, my local supermarket piled high in an (amazing shape of a Xmas tree) loads of boxes of gorgeous tree decorations.

My husband pulled me past 3 times, he knew I wanted to touch it, I did end up touching it, about 1000 decorations ended up rolling around the store, tree ruined. I just picked up a box, walked back to DH who was mortified and we paid and left

No I've never been back, and no I've not learn my lesson. I'm not allowed out alone at Christmas time with the fancy decorations stores have.

My poor Mum managed to superglue her finger to her false teeth and then managed to stick it all to her mouth,I of course helped straight away to be fair I did tell her she shouldn't use the superglue for her false teeth to start with and she was laughing as much as I was it took me over half an hour to help her because in between trying to help her,laughing uncontrollaby I had to keep running to the loo so I didn't pee myself.

We told my Dad when he came home from work he said to my Mum are you sure I should be leaving you in charge of our DD(me) anymore whilst his face did a mixture of I was about 7 at the time and she never lived it down bless her and it wasn't the last time she managed it neither

Love these threads

I was 16/17 just left a night club said buy to some friends turned round the corner walked a few metres and two men were beating a lad up. The lad was laying down and they were full on kicking him. I go up to these huge men, shout at them of course they don't listen come over to start on me so I fight black they then try to steal my bag. Luckily a car pulled up and some men get out and the two men run off. I tell the men to call an ambulance and carry on home! What was I thinking! I will be my daughter's personal taxi forever

I am on holiday in Europe and doing a fair bit of walking in a village with somewhat reckless drivers. No matter how many times I intentionally remind myself to look right before crossing the street, I forget and look left and have almost been run over a few times now. As if stepping out in front of a moving car once wasn't enough.

Got into the passenger seat of my car when I was trying to drive away from a patient's house after a home visit

Reversed into a lamppost outside another patient's house when there for a home visit - it gave him
a laugh anyway

Licked a fly Zapper bat to see what would happen... (age 48)...Put a knife with butter on it into a pop up toaster got electrocuted (age 15), cutting stew with one of those double electric bread knives, cut my thumb half off, hospital had to stitch it back on! (age 28) ahh me and electrics

Anybody who puts snails in porridge should be avoided IMO.

my mum who left me in the post office

Yeah . . . I tried that one, too, but they sent someone after me.

Oh God that reminds me...when my eldest was five months old (and I was no doubt sleep-deprived and feeling fragile) I tried to blend up some carrots for her - trouble was they were woody and refused to soften. I ended up with a load of hairy orange stuff clogging the blender blades which I then tried to clear with my fingers...

You can guess what happened next. A&E, an op to reattach a ligament and several weeks with my (fortunately) left hand in a splint. Let's just say I learned the hard way to take the attachments off the hand blender the minute I stop using them.

Superglued my finger to my nose. Sadly, I was not 3, but 34 and at a primary school in my official capacity and I was with the headteacher. She did her best not to laugh but was ultimately unsuccessful

Locked myself in the house

Me and dh hadn't long moved in, dh went to work I locked the door after him the lock was stiff but I thought it's ok I'll get it open Could I fuck! Nothing would unlock the door, nothing.
I had to call dh explain I was locked in and after he'd checked a million times I was locked IN not out he came and rescued me. I made my Jon interview by 4 minutes

yep, the whole finger. 5 hours of surgery, a week in hospital and now I have a zombie finger.

DP would like to add that he stuck his finger in a blender once to see what would happen. it ripped his fingernail off and flung it across the kitchen.

For some reason I thought he was a bin.

Hired a bike for a couple of days on holiday. Came home, got on mine to cycle to work. Forgot my bike is fixie and only has one brake (on the right hand side). Cycled into a lamppost and then sat on the floor, sore and confused and trying to work out why the stupid thing didn't stop when I squeezed the left handlebar.

I went away for the weekend in boyfriend's car. Leaving my handbag containing purse, keys, everything, on the front seat of my car. Which was parked in the street in front of my house. Fortunately car was still there with handbag & everything intact.
I wanted to get in the loft but didn't have a stepladder. So I dragged a small table from the study onto the landing, then hoicked a chair on top of said table. Fortunately I stopped myself before climbing up.
I believed a solicitor when he said I would get thousands suing the NHS.

shovetheholly that Blumenthal suggestion is at best irresponsible and at worst downright dangerous - why don't you copy the page to Tate & Lyle (or whoever owns them nowadays) and see what they have to say about their tins of golden syrup being put in the oven?!

Living in shared uni accommodation I came out of the shower and put a dressing gown on. Then went into kitchen and lit gas to boil kettle. Set my dressing gown alight so quickly took it off and snuffed out the flames - I had been half asleep but there's nothing like setting yourself on fire to really wake you up! Had to walk back naked to my room, smelling singed and without tea.

In my O-level year at school I was a prefect and we could go to the prefects' room at break for a cuppa. I left my milk out on the shelf one Friday thinking it would be all right Monday. It wasn't. It was stinky cottage cheese.

You would have thought an A-grade biology student would know that, right?

DH's birthday, and I am trying to make a posh treacle tart.

Heston Soddingface Blumenthal in Perfection says that you can 'age' golden syrup by putting the can in the oven on the lowest setting for hours.

I, stupidly, decide to follow this advice.

After 25 minutes, there is a large bang. The tin has exploded, hot sugar is everywhere, and has put out the gas burner.

To fix it, I have to get a new burner installed. £50. Most expensive non-existent treacle tart ever.

Never, ever going to do another Heston recipe from that stupid book!