To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

I once stabbed myself in the leg while showing my goddaughter how to carve a Halloween pumpkin. I had to stay very calm and say "sweetie, can you go get Mummy and tell her I need a plaster" to get her to leave the room before I withdrew the blade from my thigh. Surprisingly little blood in the end.

Wanted to see what would happen if I put my nose out of the open car window and then pressed the button to close it. I had imagined it would be like a cartoon and my face would just get higher and higher with my nose resting on the edge of the window.

What actually happened was a broken nose.

Twat.

"I'm also regularly surprised at just how hot steam is...it always looks so insubstantial and harmless..."

Yes to this! I've burned myself so many times on the steam from the kettle. Burning myself seems to feature a lot in my mishaps.

I sewed my fingers together in a textiles class at school.
I put my hand on an electric hob after just being told it was on.
Welded my wrist to the oven when I was baking
Slipped down two stairs and fractured my foot.
Slammed the door at work without removing my finger from the side of the door as it locked on. The pain was indescribable, but it took me a week to get it seen to -I was off on holiday- and the nurse recoiled when she first saw it.

I don't seem to like my hands

I think common sense is overrated tbh. I remembered another one. In our old house I wanted a picture on the wall and decided I didn't need DH to do it for me. I wanted it perfectly in line with the light switch. So I hammered the nail in. Well it was definitely in line with the light switch. Managed to blow the electrics. Somehow I didn't get a shock though. The nail was burnt and had a large chunk missing from the long bit. I still didn't get why it happened.

Unscrewed the lid from a bottle of calamine lotion in the kitchen. Walked into the lounge, ready to plaster it on ds2 who had chickenpox.

The 10 second walk was clearly enough for me to forget i'd opened the bottle already and I promptly lifted my arm and shook the bottle vigorously to mix it. It went bloody everywhere, all over the sofa, all over me and ds2, on the ceiling...what a numpty. And calamine lotion is an absolute bitch to clean up.

Was fiddling about, fitting a new bulb into a lampshade in DD's bedroom. Didn't bother to check if the light was 'on' and touched 'something' live. It bloody hurt, made me shout out and my fingers were numb for a while.

I'm also regularly surprised at just how hot steam is...it always looks so insubstantial and harmless...

My actual stupidest was probably when I was 9 and very impatient (ok I still am very impatient, I didn't learn) and I was waiting to cross a road and decided I could beat the oncoming car. Turns out I couldn't. I still hate crossing roads to this day because of that.

Wanted to microwave some kale
Pack said "4 minutes" so I put a couple of leaves in, not realising that the 4minutes is for the whole huge bag of kale
An actual fire with flames started in my microwave, I could see them through the door
I was so scared that I turned it off at the switch but didn't dare open the microwave door lest I be engulfed in a raging inferno
I sat on the front doorstep until DH came home

Smoke coming from my pan on the oven in food tech class
It only contained water
Thought "maybe the water is burning" and turned it down
Teacher came to investigate- I'd left my recipe sheet on the hob under the pan!

Believing my sewing machine cable to have a fault, I pulled it out of the socket on the machine itself and started to fiddle ... somehow forgetting the "plug end" was still in the switched-on socket in the wall

I've still got the scar where the shock burned me, but suppose I should be grateful to be here at all

Oh, and OP I love yours. It's exactly the sort of thing I would do, in fact I have done something similar but I can't remember what it was now.

When I was at uni, I had never seen an electric hob before. I didn't know if it was hot or not as it didn't change colour, so I put my hand on it. Yes, it was on. My housemates pissed themselves.

About a year later, a flat that me and DP had had the same hob. I didn't know if it was on. I put my hand on it. Yes, it was on. You think I would have bloody learnt the first time.

A couple of months ago I was using my new curling wand, the handle and wand are both black and cone shaped. I decided I didn't need to look at what I was picking up and picked up the wand end. Fucking hell that hurt! I was really annoyed that I couldn't do my hair properly after tbh.

DH once almost set fire to me. I had my dressing gown on and back when we both smoked, we obviously had lighters. He was pissing around and flicked the lighter at me and my dressing gown went whoosh. Thankfully it didn't quite catch after initially whooshing but my god I shouted at him! What a tit. It stank of burning as well.

I kicked a nettle with my bare foot to see if it was a nettle.

It was.

I'd parked too close to the hedge on our drive, dd climbed over the seat, I followed her to strap her in, shut the door behind me. Child locks on. So me and dd are sat in the back of the car with me laughing my head off. I shimmied over the front seat into my drivers seat then realised that the back windows are wind down and I couldnhave just opened the window to open the back door. D'oh.

Threw my handbag in a lake. Emphasising a point to my friend, 8 months pregnant at the time. Then climbed over a fence and into lake to retrieve. All dried out fine except phone. Dh was when I got home

At school, we were in pairs working with bunsen burners. Ours wouldn't light, so my friend was peering into it with the gas on. Without thinking, I shoved a lit match into the line of gas and it lit. Luckily it was the yellow flame so only singed her hair; I sometimes get sweats thinking about what if it had been the blue flame!!

I forgot to put my sport underwear in my sport bag, and only realised when I got changed 2 minute before starting. I thought it would be ok to train with a normal bra and a thong. It was not.

I punched myself in the face.

Things I put in my baby's bottle: coffee, coca cola, sugar, tea bag, milk - when you are supposed to add only water to the powder. Thank god I always realised before giving it to them, but I am an idiot. (not the same bottle, not the same day, not the same baby!)

Thought it would be a good idea to ride my bike wearing my roller skates. It wasn't. They caught in the wheels and I grazed a whole side of my body on gravel. Idiot.

This evening I burnt my wrist throwing onion into the pan. I knew there was oil in the pan but it must have heated up really quickly. I feel like an idiot and now have a scar

I tried to make burgers so chucked some mince and onions etc in the blender. Turned it off then plunged my hand in to grab a handful of the mixture. Grabbed hold of the blade and sliced my fingers

My first one was when I was 3! I was at playgroup and had just been given a small cup of orange juice. I wondered to myself if I could swallow the juice with my mouth open. So I tried. And got orange juice all down my front. I see my dd2 do stuff like this all the time now, poor girl!

When I was 15ish I was teaching my brother (who would have been about 8) how to cook scrambled eggs. After I'd taken the pot off the hob I said "now, I've turned the hob off but it will still be very hot so don't touch it" then I put my hand on the ring so he knew exactly where he shouldn't put his hand. I was right, it was still very very hot

When dh and I moved into our first house we had a lovely set of pans as a housewarming gift but we hadn't bought and oven dish type things yet. One night I was making a pasta bake thing and put it in the oven in one of the ovenproof pans. When it was cooked I opened the oven and grabbed the pan handle with my bare hand. I hate cooking.

slender

Oh. My. WORD!

Went to great lengths to take a pessary orally while pregnant.

The children in my class were doing a sponsored pancake flip run by the PTA.

Children kept coming in during registration and handing frying pans to my teaching assistants and they were being told to bring them up to the school hall.

Just before assembly, I said to my TA "oh dear, little Emma (aged 4) has brought a toy plastic frying pan in, I'm worried it will melt" my TA burst into fits of giggles and said, "Obviously they won't be tossing real pancakes with hot fat and batter in, they're just going to be sponsored for every flip!"

I couldn't believe I hadn't even thought about the notion of reception aged children flipping boiling pans of hot fat or even questioned it.

I hadn't been in the job for long and wanted my teaching assistants to think I was in some way competent!