To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

At work, we had a tiny kitchen with a dishwasher just behind the door. If you didn't really push it, the door of the dishwasher wouldn't shut properly and would occasionally ping open, effectively making it impossible to get into the room. Everyone was really trained to close it firmly.

So one evening, I was the last one in, working late, and just went in to put my mug in the dishwasher and turn it on. And guess what - I didn't shut the door on the machine. So I managed to lock EVERYONE out of the kitchen. What is more, the big boss had a VIP guest the next day who would need coffee first thing.

I a panic about this, I realised that I could unscrew a glass window in the door, reach in and close the machine, and then replace the glass and no-one would ever need to know. So I got a screwdriver and unscrewed the frame. Unfortunately, I hadn't taken into account the fact that loosened glass required a suction device to remove it forwards. Otherwise it could fall either way. So the pane wobbled for a second, then fell inwards and smashed all over the kitchen floor.

To make matters worse, along with the VIP guest we had a health and safety inspection first thing the next day, at which I had to fess up in front of the entire team that I'd not only managed not to shut the dishwasher properly, but had subsequently vandalised the glass door as well.

In one week I dropped my car keys right into the middle of a big flower display in Tesco and then in a freak accident posted them through the coupon slot in the self service machine at the co op. The man had to fetch a special key.

On way home in the early hours DH suggested stoping by the "24/7 Shop" to get milk. My response: Do you think it will be open this late?

It took me a full 30 seconds to get why he was laughing at me.

Ooh the tin can reminds me of the time I stood on a chair to get to an empty strawberry tin which was in the kitchen window sill. For some reason unknown to man, woman, child my 6 (or thereabouts) self decided it would be cool to stick her finger into the can, only problem was half of the metal lid was still attached, finger wouldn't come back out.

A few stitches later and forever a bump on my forefinger I lived to tell the tale.

I've got loads. Broke both big toes demonstrating different handstand landings to ds. Had to go to work in flip flops.

Only last night I somehow flipped an entire can of ice cold coke upside down over me and the brand new sofa.

And there was the time I left my handbrake off and totalled 2 other cars in the office car park. That one was a particular treat.

I shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised.

Took the lid off a tinned treacle sponge using a can opener. Lid had treacle all over it which looked yum. Put the whole lid into my mouth to lick off the treacle. Lid was sharp all around the edge. Very sharp. Looked like I had an exceptionally wide smile until the cuts healed.

Plugging a small pocket-typeTV into a plug socket in a holiday home. Needed to put wire round back of lamp on bedside table. Pulled end out of tv and put it between my teeth to free up both hands to lift lamp. Electric shock through the teeth smarts a bit!

Going back years but dh rang the midwife to say I'd had a "show". She told dh that I should inspect it and tell her the colour of it. Headed back to the bathroom, scooped it up, dropped it and the dog eat it in one gulp. Dh had to explain this to the midwife.

When I was about 16, I came downstairs in the morning to find our cat had deposited a dead rat at the bottom of the stairs.

I didn't want to touch it, so got the snow shovel from the shed and scooped it up and slung it over the hedge.

Unfortunately my neighbour happened to be driving by just at the moment I slung it, and ended up with a dead rat splattered across his windscreen.

Locked my front door when leaving the house and then, for no reason whatsoever, POSTED MY KEYS THROUGH THE LETTER BOX.

I had to sleep on a friend's sofa for three days until my parents, who had a spare set, where back from holiday and could let me in.

Just remembered! Was in M&S and found pair of nice knickers, said to DP, who was right behind me, 'Would these drive you wild with desire?' Looked around, it wasn't him but was a complete stranger.

SIL (DB's wife) once slept outside their flat in their car as there was a mouse in the flat!

She also refused to go into sea in France where family holiday home is because my mum told her there were jellyfish there i've never seen them!

Last month in a local park with family's walking past cute ducks etc I see a small furry thing - a rat! I scream like a girl and luckily SIL who's with me says she'd have done the same...

One which I've posted here before involves me in a City bar with friend and her contractor friends. We decided Sambuca shots flavoured with black currant were the way to go... I had 5 inch high suede boots on had had more drink before the Sambuca and was dancing around when I tripped and fell into one of those stupid little seat high glass tables and broke table and lacerated my hand (Palm) on table also bruised ribs badly. I lied to work how I'd done it (friend's house slipped in bathroom)... Because I was too embarrassed to tell the truth!

Last week - at yoga in trendy building in Peckham. Get changed then need toilet, take locker key to toilet place on top of cistern, when flushing toilet hand brushes locker key and sweeps it into toilet too late it's flushed the bloody key!

After yoga 2 men try to open my locker using hairpins, credit cards etc - after 15 minutes they admit defeat and yoga tutor thankfully finally gets hold of owner of building who has a master key! This works... I'm not as embarrassed as I should be really...

When I was 9 or 10, I pushed a plug into a socket with the palm of my hand. The socket was switched on. The plug had no back on it.

I can't quite remember what happened but there was a bang and I think I ended up some distance away from the plug.

I never told anyone. Think I was in shock

I wanted to leave early from a very boring conference that my boss was also at so thought I could sit right at the back and sneak out before the end to catch an earlier train. Things were going fine until I got my foot caught in someone's handbag on the floor, tripped up, fell flat on my face. Everyone looked at me and even the speaker stopped mid-presentation to ask me if I was ok. So much for making a quiet exit!

trying to open a door that had stuck, I thought a hefty thwack would help shift it. So it hit it as hard as I could with the heel of my hand. On the glass window part.

I needed several stitches and the scars are still visible 40 years later.

The nice guy in A & E told me I was very, very lucky as I could have severed the tendons in my wrist.

I was making buns and had put them in the oven. Went to check on them and realised the gas had gone out. So I lit a match and stuck it in the oven. Caused a massive bang and singed of most of my hair.

What happens with the fabric conditioner?

I once decided to make myself pasta for lunch. But instead of getting a pan and boiling it like a sensible person, I didn't want to wait that long. So I put it in the microwave, in a bowl, with no water, for 20 minutes. Went away and came back to the kitchen and living room full of smoke.

And my Dad is infamous for pouring fabric conditioner down the loo to try and clean it once..

When I was probably about 9 or 10 I was at my granny's house and she was showing me one of her precious possessions. It was one of those little ceramic things you put in a pie to let the steam out. She was telling me she'd had it for over 50 years, since she'd run hotels.

She passed it to me for a look and for some reason a great plan came into my head. I made a snap decision to throw it up in the air, spin around and catch it again. Why this Suddenly struck me as a good idea I couldn't tell you, I had never even attempted it with any other object. So I lobbed it up in the air, spun around to see it crash to the floor and smash to smithereens, and my gran standing there, gobsmacked. I couldn't even begin to explain to her what had just happened. I'm still not sure myself.

Many, many years ago decided I'd try and sort my finances out so I'd 'borrow' a duplicate book from work (I know, I know). I'd list all my outgoings etc

The only way to smuggle it out of work was via Head Office's post, so I put it in the large brown envelope we sent daily. After another busy day I headed home, took the post and only went and posted my smuggled book which was still sitting comfortably inside HO envelope! Only I was completely oblivious as I'd totally forgotten about it!

The next day I arrived at work without a care in the world until I had a phone call from Head Office asking why they had received a duplicate book with a sticker on the front stating 'switch payments etc' - I nearly fell off my chair but managed to bluff my way out of it, told them to post it back.

I never tried to pinch any office supplies again

Well it's definitely stupid not proofread!

I flushed my knickers down the loo this morning.

Couldn't find my phone so used 'find my iPhone'

The dinging was loud and nearby but seemed to be anywhere I went in the house...also the sound followed me out to the car
20 minutes later I realised it was in my fucking back pocket

Without a doubt, allowing my eyebrow waxing lady to do semi permanent eyebrow tattoos. I didnt check her out, just trusted her because she'd done my eyebrows for a while. Massive error of judgement, she tattooed two massive black scouse brows on to my brows, without really checking with me first what i wanted.
I came home and they were HORRIBLE and permanently tattooed on my face, I have never felt so bad. I couldn't sleep for days. Also I was getting married in three months.

Luckily I got it removed with saline( a kind of reverse tattoo) and redone with some one professional so they are fine now.

I flushed my knockers down the loo this morning.

Oh and the time I generously chucked some money in a homeless persons pot, except he wasn't a homeless man he was just a bit tipsy and I had put the money in his coffee