To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

Oh. Christ, there's just so many, it's hard to choose......

I'd been working in a different location and as my sense of direction is pretty shit, I thought it best head back home via the city centre. This was a mistake..... one, I will never forget.

Rush hour traffic and the city centre, after a very stressful day pissed me right off. After a what seemed like an eternity, I looked to my right and saw a sneaky little side street, that appeared to be invisible to every other driver stuck in this godforsaken traffic jam. I recall laughing out loud at my seemingly secretive yet foolproof move as I sped up the dark, empty alley. Not a car in sight! This should have been a warning yet in my excitement of escaping the ridiculously elongated queue, it wasn't. As this "escape" route got narrower and narrower and the tarmac turned into aged cobbles, apprehension slowly crept in. Arriving at the stop sign, I was five two options: 1) Right - taxis only. 2) left - tram track. (Not the ones you are allowed to drive on)

My "wisdom" lead to me to make a 2 second decision, based on the fact I'd get a fine if I turned right, I'd get a fine..... so straight onto the tram tracks I went, in rush hour trafffic. It took me no longer than 4.3 seconds to realise this was one of the biggest fuck ups id ever made. All eyes were on me from both sides of the street, where crowds gathered awaiting their tram home. I frantically tried to find a way off the tracks but just could not think straight, at all. Sheer terror filled my body. I was just approaching a bridge, when I appeared to see sense. I knew if I went further, I'd be stuck as there was just gravel surround the tracks up there.

Slamming my foot on the brake I screamed "No, no, no, no, no!" before turning my music off, the dulcit tones of Bob Marley were unhelpful at this point, very fucking unhelpful "don't worry about a thing..." Really???? I then vividly recall thinking "if I sit here long enough, the police will save me, they'll appear in a helicopter and pluck my little mini off the tram tracks and hoist me away to safety. Absolutely ludicrous! The tram horn echoing through my body shook me into action. It was behind me and the only way forward was onto that bastard bridge.

A nifty three point turn and I was going back up the track, heading to where I started. I once again past astounded crowds and one smart arse who found the whole escapade highly entertaining. He ran beside me, recording the whole sorry saga. I turned away muttering "yeah, yeah it's fucking hilarious." Then the tram stopped and the tram driver got off and informed me can't stay on here love." I spoke in complete gibberish, telling him I couldn't get off. He looked around, before offering me an escape route.

Without thinking, I shot off to the right and missed a bus by mere seconds. The bus driver pulled up beside me and opened his doors.... I was expecting a real bollocking and was ready for anything as I was "alive"...... "are you ok love?" He asked my kindly. Again, I spouted complete and utter garbage, in my defence and apologised profusely.

I couldn't laugh about this for 72 hours. Everybody else did though....profusely. I didn't get a fine though....

Week after I passed my driving test - parked car front forward in Asda underground car park, next to a column, not that near, I thought.

Reversed out and totally stoved back door into column, not realising how much clearance I needed for it. And I had no idea how to get out of scenario without making damage worse. A very kind South African bloke saw me sobbing my eyes out and managed to get it out of the space without causing further harm.

The really stupid thing was there was a woman parked next to me about to reverse out but chatting on her phone... if I'd waiting 20 seconds for her to finish and leave I'd have got out easily, but I decided I had to leave right at that moment

Husband, fortunately, was really good about it - I thought he'd be furious!

An ex broke my heart and I was so angry I made up a poster with a portrait of his face and posted it on the signpost of his road with the words 'A p*k lives down this road.'

Got out of car..locked it.. to post a handful of mail.. posted car keys in postbox and tried to click open car door on handful of u posted mail

I kmow this is a zombie thread but I wanted to add mine

Set fire to my thumb with thermite

Broke a £700 still at work by dropping it slightly After we had cleaned the limescale off it.

Trusted the wrong person

Reversed into the wall of a synagogue

Also reversed into the drainpipe at my parents

I always forget that when I open the oven door it's going to be hot! I once melted my mascara doing it and my eyelashes were all stuck up!

Was trying to fit one of those big child locks to our fridge door. I had to put it together first and because it was really chunky thick plastic, I couldn't get the hinge bits to click fully closed. I tried to bite it shut and instead it created a sudden vacuum and sucked the tip of my tongue into it. Then it clicked shut.

Would have been funny but they're designed to be unbreakable once assembled! I couldn't get it off my face, DH tried, DM who lived nearby came rushing round to try. Eventually had to drive to A&E where the receptionist laughed hysterically, as did the nurses.

Ring cutters didn't get it off, neither could the maintenance man, finally it was the emergency dentist who managed to remove it by sanding it away with veneer removal tools. Highly painful and embarrassing. I lost the tip of my tongue, most of my dignity and my favourite cream t shirt (as I couldn't get the blood stain out!).
DH kept the broken lock as a souvenir

Car was due for its MOT. I drove our other car there as I prefer driving it . Arrived and said "I'm going to be late." Man in Halfords was and I had to explain I'd driven the wrong car there.

Out walking with kids and dh. Told kids to be careful of electric fence, dh said it wasn't electric. So I said yes it is and grabbed it .... I was right

Shut my head in a car door (as in I was the one who slammed the door shut on my own head )

Sent a text to dh phone to tell him he'd left it behind.
Rung dh on his mobile to tell him he'd left it behind.
Put my full palm on the hob ring to see if it was still hot. It was. Our new hob tells me when it is still hot and how hot.
Told someone they were dead to me when I still loved them.

Before the days of internet banking etc I tried to clear the overdraft on a bank account of mine by writing a cheque to myself. Which would have been fine if the cheque hadn't been from the same account.

Oh god, so many things...I'm a walking liability

Once, at school in the library; the librarian was not at her desk and as I waited, I picked up the date stamper and decided to date stamp the back of my hand.
I pushed it into the skin and then watched in horror as it turned round within itself and dragged the skin up into the contraption.
I managed to release myself before the librarian returned!

Sat on a metal railing outside my brother's school - hooked my feet around the rails for stability - leant forward and lost my balance. Feet stayed where they were and I headbutted the ground and suffered the indignation of being stuck, skirt over my head until someone helped free me.

Bought a tin of paint for living room and lodger came in. Wanted to show her so picked up tin either side and gave it a hard shake, thinking it might have 'separated'. Lid flew off and paint went over my head, clothes, shoes, settee, carpet and everything within 6 feet. I just had to stand still while lodger and my boyfriend wiped me down. Carpet had to come up, and had to get new settee too

I also lost my mobile phone for a few days. I noticed at the same time my car wasn't braking properly. Took a good few days to connect the dots and check under the brake pedal, the phone had fallen down underneath.

May be outing...but when I was a toddler I stuck my hand into a portable electric fire to see if it was hot. Five months in hospital with awful ops, physio, skin grafts etc. It's a talking point now.

I was lying on the couch once and tried to pick up the house phone with my feet. Lifted it up,right above my head, and it slipped out of my feet and cracked my forehead.

Countless other small injuries due to an inability to ignore the little voice that says 'wonder what would happen if...'

My DH has killed several lawnmowers through idiocy.

My mum was making custard and asked me to get her a pint of milk, so off I trot to the fridge, gets a pint of milk and then proceeded to measure the pint of milk in a measuring jug, she just stared at me hoping I would realise what I had done (she had to tell me)

Oh, and for some unknown reason, I threw a load of dirty laundry down the loo instead of into the wash basket.

How am I even a human?

Told DH if I wasn't in when he came home from work, I would be out.

Was redecorating the kitchen and moved the hamster cage onto the electric hob. I must have caught the control as I went past. I was painting merrily away and thought I could smell something smouldering. Turned round to see the cage bottom rapidly melting.
I was half expecting to see the hamster Sat blowing on its red toes while giving me the ' You stupid cow' look. Fortunately, it didn't seem to have come to any harm with its impromptu cremation. Unlike the cage.

Not me, but my DH. We were trading in both our cars for one new one to share. We drove them over separately to the dealership on the day we were due to pick up our new car. I got there first, parked in a space, went inside to start the paperwork.
DH arrived and for some reason thought it would be easier for the garage if he parked his car next to mine. Except as he pulled in, he somehow drove straight into my car, causing £1,500 worth of damage!
Needless to say, we didn't get to take our new car home that day, we had to leave mine behind it was so badly damaged, claim on the insurance and wait until it was all sorted out!

Back in my teens, not long past my driving test. I go round a roundabout an up the slip road to join the duel carriageway, my friend asks why am I going this way as the other way is quicker. I realised she was right, promptly reversed back down the slip road and around the roundabout. Luckily it was late at night so not many cars around!!!

Another one... Had some friends coming round for dinner, an keen to impress with my cooking skills I decided to make a baked cheesecake. Knowing how messy it can be to get out of the cake tin, I lined it with clingfilm and popped it in the oven.

The first time we had a barbeque my H decided that it had gone out as the charcoal was grey and ashy and the flames had gone . "It is dead" he shouted to me as I remarked I coud feel the heat. He then put his finger in it!!!

I swallowed a pessary for thrush when on holiday! It was only afterwards that i thought blimey that was a big tablet and then had a horrid thought and read the leaflet!
My sister laughed for days!
On the plus side i didnt die and thrush cleared up nicely!!

Do you remember the shiny purple foil that was wrapped around Cadbury chocolate? I once unwrapped the chocolate and folded the foil in half. I carefully ran my fingers along the fold to make the edge sharp. I decided to test how sharp...by running it along my eyelid!
Reader, it was sharp....and I had a super cut to prove it.

Car keys thrown out with the rubbish in wheelie bin. Just retrieved them before the bin men arrived [phucken phew nearly cost myself £200 for new key fob].

running watch in fridge salad drawer for 3 days.