I hate having kids

The other answer would be 'Down with the Patriarchy!' but I don't see that happening in time for me

No, no, the answer is 42, surely

The answer is to LTB - we can't get to 19 pages without having one LTB, surely?!

Honestly, the struggle is so much less relentless when you can pack them off to their dad's house once a week and look after yourself.

I've just returned from a night at a hotel and spa with some dear friends while the DCs are at home with dad. If your dcs' dad won't help take the pressure off then dump his arse and take some time for yourself.

What's the answer? There isn't one

the problem isnt your kids, its your husband, but how the hell to change him, I dont know

Love this thread. Thank you all so much for posting what I have felt for 15 years

Hmm well i am glad I had the small gap now. Had much second when first was still annoying a toddler and I hadn't yet got my life back.

My SIL is just about to to have her second as her first has started school. All that chaos of a newborn whilst doing the school run and homework and washing uniform etc. No thanks. For the first year of having to two children it was all my schedule, I could stay in if I wanted, not get us dressed. It was bloody hard though and I would never do it again.

everything is about compromise and I find that infrequently am the least considered, least important person in the house.

This with bells on. Except it's not just my house but my wider family. I have a chronic illness and there are days I just about function and others I'm perfectly fine. The net result is, despite my own DM having a chronic illness herself, that they just feel I just don't care enough to make an effort. But they want me to make all the running with them. I can't. I can't even arrange my own life beyond school runs ATM. If I'm ill my dc come first above me but I need me next or the dcs have no one (well DH but not whilst he's at work obviously).

Sorry for the random off target rant

Throughautomaticdoors
No wonder you're finding it so hard your DH should be sharing the load! What does he do when you hand him the baby and say you have to eat, bathe etc?

I took the short term pain option.

And boy was it painful...

I think all gaps are a horror. We wanted to take the kids to indoor climbing. Big two are fine youngest is too young. Same with theme parks. She's too small for some stuff. I'd also say if you get to two never have three as it doesn't work at all. My friend has two and has recently had another breakdown. Which is obviously awful but I feel slightly jealous she got a hospital stay which in turn makes me feel like a horrible person.

katie

I totally get that viewpoint too but the stress of having two tiny ones seems worse to me

2 in 2 years here.
A longer gap fills me with horror, far longer until freedom IYSWIM?

Well there are decent gaps between mine, one was starting school when the second was born.

Would I do it again knowing what I know now? Not a fucking chance.

flora

I always think small age gaps look hell on earth. My DS is 6 months - if I got pregnant any time in the next 3 years I would terminate.

But there are lots of people on this thread with only one child, or with large age gaps, who find it equally hard.

Mine are very close in age, I wonder if that is part of the problem? I read there should be at least three years between all children. For me I know that I certainly should never have had a second child. I knew that before she was born and I feel guilty about it.

Crazy isn't it?
The urge to have them was overwhelming but after the 2nd I was equally overwhelmed by the knowledge that I was done.
So is it hormones?

Having it all is a con.

Yes. Absolutely. Funny though that nobody is trying to sell that con to men/fathers.

Would I do it again? Knowing what I know now? Yes. But I've no idea why.

Yes, me too

(Exhales)
Every bit of what has been said on this thread has me nodding and oh, the remembering!
And I have 2 easily conceived, smart, perfectly healthy, excellent sleepers, popular and lovely young adults. And a perfect DH (really). And a very supportive extended family.
The hospital fantasy. Every day.
I used to fantasise about driving into a wall. Not enough to die, but enough to stop the world for a few months.
Then the not one but two nervous breakdowns.
Yes to perfectionist introvert, in fact a hell yes.
I love them so much, would die for them happily. Every upset they have hurts my heart and I would do anything to make it better.
They are both back at Uni after a looooong summer in and out of home and the day they left, DH and I did a dance of joy (which we then felt guilty about).
I happily pay the huge amount of money to allow them to live independently to study. Would get another job on top of this one if I had to. Work is easy in comparison (and I have a v stressful FT job).
We read all this mummy propaganda and expect too much. Having it all is a con. Would I do it again? Knowing what I know now?
Yes. But I've no idea why.

I haven't read the whole thread (currently ignoring children trashing upstairs, so time is very limited) but while my heart goes out to everyone here it's really good to read that I'm not the only one.

I've been struggling recently with the fact that I feel that everything I say to my beautiful children is nagging, stroppy or downright angry. I dislike actually playing with them (although don't mind wrestling) and this morning I actually did ask the small two to get off my lap and give me space - I'd had both in my bed all night. I haven't slept properly in over 8 years, and because XH walked out a couple of years ago I do it alone and although we get on well and he helps out a lot I really resent him being able to walk out and go home in the evening when things start to get heated. Also the fact that because he has time he's managed to find himself a GF; I really miss having an adult to hug.

I'm about to start university. I can't wait. I might actually recognise myself again...

Love this thread. Sums up motherhood beautifully.

For me I struggle with ethg having to be child friendly. I dislike play centres playdates kids films other parents other children. Now my DCs are getting older it is easier but I'm not sure who I am any more and having kids has left me vulnerable and anxious about every little thing.

I have been on MN for 8+ years now (since I had DS3 and oh, how I wished I had found MN before I had him) and there are threads like this one from time to time.
They have put things in to perspective for me before and I am very grateful to all the resilient, articulate and amazing women on here who have shared their stories.

It means to much to not feel that I am the only Failed Mother when things are quite shit.

Wrt crying or even shouting (occasionally) at the kids: you know what? It does not do children any harm to see that their parents are human too. We err, we lose our patience, we can be grumpy - I suppose it does matter what we do when we feel like that and learning how/when to walk away was one of my most important parenting skills.

I am so stealing the 'that's nice' line

Oh god my people are all here

I'm lucky, my two sleep when they finally go down. But they're so bloody full on all day long. The short period between dh leaving and us needing to do the school run can result in complete breakdowns (mine), breakages (stuff thankfully), losses of items they were just bloody wearing.

They're 4 and 5.5 and I'm at the stage now where I have to request they come to the toilet with me because leaving them alone would result in something happening. I've had days where they've just had a tin of beans for dinner because I can't get into my open plan kitchen without having to immediately abandon what I'm doing and referee.

And throughout this, they actually get on. It isn't fighting. They're just monsters. For us. School and preschool think they have halos. Gah

Is it just me that mouths "just fuck off!" before answering their demands?
We've started the mrs brown approach of 'that's nice'. We know we mean fuck off but they don't