I hate having kids

Anotherschoolquestion, thank you. I love them dearly but they're hard work.

Every so often there is a thread on here that makes me lose a day to mumsnet it's normally a woo thread but everything on here really resonates with me. I'm so incredibly lucky to have two after being told I may never have them, but fuck me, I am so utterly, utterly bored. I really struggle to fill the days, we can do the park, library, a charity shop and it's still only 10.30am. I love them unconditionally, so much so it hurts, but I don't want to play animals, I don't want to watch cbeebies, I just want one hour to just be me. But I feel incredibly guilty to have any time to myself on the weekend when dH is home so I very rarely do. I just want to pause them, have a good sleep and then unpause them and I'm sure I would be better at it. Unmumsnetty xxx to everyone

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say to Msqueen I'm sorry you're having such a shit time, and hope things get better xxx

Ugh I typed a reply and it vanished
CalmDown thanks for the reply
I am a bit puzzled when people say they didn't think it would be like this but I'm a pessimist so only ever perceived children as relentless and I was glad to have an older sibling, a younger one would have made me lose my mind

Re siblings and elderly care, no guarantee they will help you there!

I have 4dc (11,5,3 and 2) and I totally understand what people are saying on here. Some days I can literally not string a sentence together by the end of the day. I'm a sahm and I can honestly say it's the hardest thing I've ever done there are days when I just want to walk away. Slowly things are getting easier but the hardest thing I've found is how selfless you need to be, I would love to get a bit of balance in my life but at the moment it's just not going to happen.

Teens was the worst for me, dd was a fucking nightmare (got 2 more to go), but she's lovely now she's an adult. There is light at the end of the tunnel

I'm very much hoping things improve as DS gets older. I find the baby stage very difficult but hopefully once he can talk and watch Disney films and sleep is better etc...

So much depends on the amount of help and support you have.

I know a lady with one very well behaved child...the child's grandmother does every school run and also looks after the child every single day of the school holidays so that the mother can work...she is on hand to babysit at weekends too....that is a very different experience of motherhood than that of a single mother with no support, 3 kids, no money or chance to work.

We are on holiday with ours. Man it's hard work.

I too feel the same - I wish I loved being with them as much I as love them.

Cos obviously I'd give up everything for them but jeepers they are annoying/tiring/irritating....and repeat

I knew a long time ago this would be how I'd feel about it, so I didn't have any.

I've never understood the appeal

Lorelai - having a baby seemed like a great idea at the time! I just always had it in my head that I'd have a family because that's what people do and my DH and I felt something lacking from our lives. We had expected to have 2 kids but that's not happening now...

Like most people on here, I didn't know the realities of parenthood when I was outside looking in. I'm lucky that my MIL lives 5 mins down the road, she adores DS and is willing to babysit as much as we need her to and once a week when she's already looking after him whilst we work she keeps him at her house for dinner/bath/play and brings him back at bedtime ready for cuddles and bed. I live for those days!

I'm feeling guilty now as I do love my DS, he's adorable and funny but parenthood is just fucking hard, introvert or not!

I had DC2 for similar reasons to maudlin - I was an only child, and was horribly lonely for much of my childhood. Dealing with my own mother's care by myself (she now has Alzheimer's) is very hard. DH and I are older parents, and we have no extended family. I appreciate that siblings don't always get on, but we felt that there was at least a fighting chance that two DC could play together when small, and help and support each other when older. So far it's working - my DC adore each other. Who knows what the future holds though.

I feel like the op but I have no desire whatsoever to return to work

Work is a break for me

Seriously though I found it did help me.

I am back 3 days per week.

I find after 4 days with the kids I look forward to work and after 3 days at work I look forward to being with kids.

I feel a lot more balanced but I realise I am lucky as not everyone has this option.

When my first was a baby, I found the sleepless nights hard, and the constant supervision hard. I assumed that all would get easier as she grew up, and I decided that I could deal with it one more time rather than have an only child. Of course at that stage, I had absolutely no idea how unbelievably hard the teenage years would be (I was a very introverted child myself and absolutely no trouble to my parents).

Me and DP have devised a system which helps keep me sane. When I come home from work the 3 nights he is back before me I go straight upstairs for 30 minutes to just be myself. Then I can come down and do the dinner, bath, stories, bed routine much more happily.

When I was pregnant with DS I had no idea how hard the demands of motherhood was going to be. As much I would never wish him away sometimes I daydream about him having a pause button.

that should have said "office" chit chat. but to be fair it is quite official too

lorelai

Your reasoning there is exactly why I don't want to go back to work. Seems like the worst of both worlds to me. At least when DS is at nursery I can have a bit of time alone!!!

CalmDownBeyonce - as this is such an honest thread and I too am an introvert, I'm wondering what made you want to have kids?

I realise the SAHM thing must be a mare but I always think in terms of how awful it would be to come home from work and have to deal with a child as well. I struggle with the official chit chat.

I think this is how most parents feel quite often. It would have been nice if somebody would have warned me though then it could have saved me a lot of guilt! It does change when they are both in school OP. It did for me, so much so Im having number 3 now. Yep I'm crazy!

Love this thread. Agree it should be in classics.

My dd will be my only, I thought I'd be earth mother type, I'm not, it's fine, I love her but bloody hell its exhausting. Dh had the snip when she was 5 months. (I do have a fab DSS who's now 18).
to all. Its bloody relentless and hard work.

Thanks for all the explanations :) I didn't mean my question as a judgement just genuine curiosity.

I think a lot depends on the quality of the sibling relationship. DH fought tooth and nail with his sister until 2 weeks before going to uni when they called a cease fire. I have no idea how MIL survived.

My Grandma has dementia. Dad and aunt argued for years as to what to do. No support there. I'm quite relieved I won't have to argue with anyone when it comes to my parents in old age :)

I definitely won't be having more. I love DS more than life but I spend too much time day dreaming about my 40s when he will leave home. Don't want to delay it

DS1 (4yo, SEN) is home and he wants something from my bookshelf. Lots of gesturing and pointing. I can't figure out what. Lots of banging doors and throwing things and screaming because I can't figure it out. Ad infinitum till about 6.30 tonight. How I wish he could verbalise so I can give him what he wants or reason with him. When he's not frustrated he's wonderful, calm, affectionate and smiley.

peppa I'm an introvert too. I need time just to be and have no one talking to me. DS2 (2yo) is one of those tireless extroverts who needs to be out, getting attention and chatting away. Constantly 'on' all the bloody time.

I honestly can't decide what's better Lemond1fficult. As a child I was painfully shy and only wanted to be with my Mum (my poor mother, she must have found me so tiresome!) and my DH says he was the same. DS is a lot more outgoing than we were and is happy to speak to people and play with other children, which is great as I'm glad he seems to have skipped that terrible shy/introvert gene BUT, it also draws attention to us/me when he speaks to people meaning that I have to have awkward conversations with strangers, which I hate.

I also find myself totally talked out by evening and struggle keeping any kind of conversation going with DS so we just end up looking at each other for a while. He has been a fairly late speaker and I do wonder how much of that is my fault because he is used to living in a pretty quiet house? I know it's irrational really to think that as I only have a couple of hours a night with him compared to a healthy mix of 1.5 days in nursery, mornings with his Dad and afternoons with his Grandmothers, but still... I wouldn't be surprised if the late speaking thing is down to my love of peace and quiet!

Maudlin
I have 2 siblings
They do nothing to help me or my
Mother
Not all siblings end up close sadly