Tell me your 2-year-old has done worse?

In church too my 3 year old said in her non church voice "Don't push me mummy. It's not nice to push" Well yes glad you learnt that lesson loudly but what I was actually doing was moving you back onto the narrow kneeler you've been tight rope waking up and down on to prevent you chinning yourself on the pew in front when you inevitably slip off. But no. Everyone at church now believes I push my child around.

Even typing that out my cheeks are flaming with shame. Had to say loudly "no darling we don't point our FINGERS at people, it's not nice" several times and hope like hell nobody took offence.

My 3 year old DS said 'Easter eh cunt' several thousand times yesterday.

DD knows pointing your finger is a little bit cheeky but still kind of cute.

So when we're on a crowded tube not long ago she gave an adorable cheeky smile and said loudly, waving her finger at all the various London folk, "point-a da finger!"

Except she got 'finger' back to front....

"Point at da n**gger"

x 100,000,000

THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THE MORTIFICATION I SWEAR

Hahahaha sorry op still laughing.

If it helps when my ds was 2 I got summoned to nursery because he kept telling them stuff was wank - he was saying rank, a word I had to stop using!

My son went to nursery where they decided that "ta" was common and decided to teach him thank you. Unfortunately we had taught him "ta" because he was a bit deaf and we were tired of hearing him say "fack you" numerous times a day very loudly.

My 8yo DS spent all holiday keeping up a loud running commentary on all the ways that the parents around us (in the beach, in the restaurant etc) were not doing a good enough job...in his opinion. Much tutting and shaking of heads. "Oh mummy, they shouldn't let them eat that", "That is the most embarrassing thing I have every seen", "That child is very naughty"...and on and on and on.
Any attempt to shush just lead to him repeating the comments and asking why he couldn't say it when it was true.
It was like being on holiday with the comments section of the Mail.
I think every other family hated us

Cunt mouse is awesome!

My son said F for truck as well, and his obsession with Thomas Tank engine and making the longest train and carriage/truck combo in the world got a little tiresome when he would yell in delight "Thomas!" F f f in increasing volume describing Every. Single . Truck attached to the bloody train. Thomas regularly had between 15 and 20 f*s on a daily/hourly basis!

I am a nanny.

In my last job dc 2.6 came out with the following 3 things over a period of about 6 weeks.. I thought about quitting

"My willy is all UP, UP, UP in the air, can you fix it?" said loudly on the bus
"Shall I wipe your willy?" said loudly in debenhams toilets which I remarked just as loudly "I don't have a willy and if I did you wouldn't be touching it!"
"I'm stroking the giraffes willy!" on stroking a park bench which had a giraffe with a long tail on the side

hairy cock cocks I am calling them that now.

To quote The Simpsons, mine "un holied the holy water" by getting in a bit of a disagreement with an adjacent flower arrangement. Toddler, flowers, water everywhere. It was right by the toilets you see, or I wouldn't have been near such a comedy toddler zone.
They were understanding. They must be used to kids!

All three of mine have had memorable ones. Dd used to say her surname as fuck-you-son as a toddler. And I didn't encourage her by asking her blame oh no.
Ds1 had speech delay and spent about a fortnight saying I need a fuck, I want a fuck. Before he FINALLY signed it. Aaahhhh a flag!!
Ds2 used to ask for bitshits that was fun at the older dc's church clubs mothers day lunch. He of wanted biscuits.

My Dd 18months cant say socks instead she wears cocks on her feet the whole street has heard her shouting cocks mammy pull it when she wants them taking off.
Fork is fok which could cause problems if we ever eat out.

I know I have told this story before but when DD was about 2 she couldn't say breakfast. I opened the door to the Avon lady first thing in the morning and DD ran up and shouted "bastard" at her and ran off.

My now 4 year old is a little speech delayed. He can't say 's' at the beginning of the word. And is obsessed with sticks. So would walk up to people, and proudly ask if they'd like to hold his dick.....

My eldest love Fajitas and was often found wondering around the supermarket during the weekly shop yelling 'I a vaginas tonight, my eating vaginas!' Cue me following loudly with 'yes DD, I know you want fajitas for dinner, I'll make fajitas when we get home.'

My DTs called helicopters "hairycockcocks" and would shout loudly every time they saw one (which was of course only when there were loads of people around....) "Look Mummy, there's another huge hairycockcock for you! Mummy loves huge hairycockcocks!"

Thank you for the much needed laugh! x

DD used to say she wanted a big shit instead of a biscuit.

DS calls Stickman, Dickman.

DD has always had trouble pronouncing the 'c/qu' sound. She uses 't' instead. So cat comes out as 'tat' etc.

It's particularly embarrassing when we're out feeding the ducks and she's shouting 'quack, quack' but it comes out as 'twat, twat!'

Also, when she's asking for "cheese and twatters"

It's been used to our advantage though when she recently asked 'Mammy, why is that man shouting 'fut'"?? I replied that he'd probably just hurt his 'foot'

It doesn't always get better when they get older. My 8 year old has a slight lisp and a whole room full of people thought she'd been to see the 'penis' movie recently when discussing how much she likes Snoopy.

Same as Foxessocks - about a year ago DD (2ish) went through a period of shouting 'YOU CUNT!' at me if I tried to do something she didn't want me to. Loudly and often in public.

when i was little my mum would tickle me and tell me i was a little rascal.
one day she took me on a bus and she tickled me and i shouted back mummy your a little arse screw
she was so embarrassed

Not topping that, but my daughter calls bogeys boobies, which can get rather embarrassing. She doesn't seem to be clicking on that its not acceptable to pick your nose in public. Most embarrassing for me was in tesco a few weeks back, she was in the trolley seat thing and picking her nose on the sly, finds one, points...seemingly at some lady with very large breasts, though it was just pointing in general to show me the prize she had found up her shnozzle...and yells at the top of her voice, MUMMY look BOOBY, BOOBY, MORE BOOBIES...and while I am trying to apologize to the woman who thinks my daughter is shouting about her breasts, the boobies continues..lady is getting more and more rattled thinking I am taking the piss, leading to me just giving up explaining and walking quickly away saying sorry. Shop assistant stacking shelves further down is killing herself laughing.

I haven't yet been back which is ridiculous as noone will likely remember or say anything but I really do not want to see that woman again in my whole life

My 2 yr old has a fox he takes everywhere, called Mr Foxy... or Mr Fuck-it.

Where fuck-it? Mummy you go fuck-it? I want fuck-it!