Tell me your 2-year-old has done worse?

Oh and ds1 did the "my uncle has the biggest cock" when he meant to say my uncle has a watch with the largest face.

Ds1- taught him a group of birds is a flock, every time he saw a bird outside he would shout loudly "fuck a bird, fuck a bird".

Ds2- 2 very pretty teenage girls walked past us in the street and ds2 shouts " I would smash em", everyone stares at Dh thinking he's taught ds2 derogatory comments about women when actually ds2 is just obsessed with hulk and happened to choose these 2 particular girls as his hulk victims that day

My Ds would say asshole instead of castle, until he was 5!

So whenever there was a party with a bouncy castle he would be so excited for the bouncy asshole

"Do you know what Johnny McGrath says? Johnny McGrath says 'Fuck off!'"
My new catch phrase!

We were driving down a lane near our house in a rural area when my ds age 3 suddenly shouts very loudly Paki Paki. I was horrified as this isn't a word that my dh or I use and never would, I was thinking I would need to have strong words at nursery. We also live in a rural area which isn't very socially diverse and I was surprised he had seen anybody at all but hadn't seen what he saw. The next day it happened again. This time I looked out the window in time to see what he was looking at. In our area there are lot of alpaca farms and he had seen a big field of them. I was so relieved and spent a lot of time with him over the next couple of days working on the correct pronouciation. Thankfully I hadn't gone into nursery to have a chat with them about it before realising what he meant.

Yep. DD often asks for cockporn.

She once pointed at my foot and announced, "Twat." No idea where that came from, and she's never done it again.

This thread is utterly delightful. I salute all parents of toddlers doing the walk of shame when their child humiliates them in public.

Yeah, cock for clock here.

His latest though it just shouting "damn" repeatedly for no reason. I'm pretty sure it's not actually damn though as it's just not a word we use fuck, yes, damn no but I can't work out what he is trying to say.

The first time my DD was in a church (for a neighbour's child christening, at which there were about 30 people), she wore a look of concentration for a few minutes and then shouted at the top of her voice 'Big poo! I did a big poo!'.

She hasn't been in a church since.

We had the bitch/beach thing with our first. For the second onwards we were very careful to call it the seaside!

Another 'bitch' shouter here. Embarrassing when we are sat outside my parents 'bitch hut' and2yo DD is pointing and yelling 'bitch' at passers by.

I apologise to all Cromer visitors. I hope to sort her enunciation out by next year .

I have another who shouts, loudly, for 'cockporn' in the cinema. Except he's 5

Churches are used to noisy children, maybe ring the church and apologise and explain about the beach thing? If it makes you feel better that is! Otherwise just laugh it off next time!

jammh At about 3, my friend was teaching her son that people don't want to see what's covered by your vest and pants- he had a habit of getting naked anywhere and everywhere. He called everything under the vest and pants is his 'willy'.
One boiling hot summers day we took him out in just a T-shirt. He took great pleasure in asking numerous people if they like his willy.

Mine pronounces Minions as 'minge'. That has proved somewhat embarrassing.

This will out me but nevermund, took my ds when he was 2 through a packed town square at lunchtime and he kept screaming "mummy big cock, mummy big cock hurt me"

Turns out he thought the numerous pigeons were cockerels which he had been taught to stay away from as grandad had a rather vicious one.....

Another cock instead of clock over here. "Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the COCK!" Always at 100 decibels and always when we are at the supermarket.

"Tick tock tick tick goes my Grandad's BIG COCK! But my Grandma's LITTLE COCK goes ticktockticktock!"

Yeah we have cock for clock at the moment from the 3 year old

We have a very large and noisy clock in the town centre. It bongs every 15 minutes.. Cue Dd shouting "look mummy, big cock again!"

DD uses fuck for fork, cock for clock, drops the L in playdough ("look mummy, look at the paedo!") & she doesn't really do "inside voice".

Am snickering through these posts!! Bitch is superb!
My DS (3) is very good at shouting 'For Fucks sake mummy' usually in Tesco when I'm not moving fast enough for his liking!

Clearly, we are more careful what we say around him now!!
They're like wee sponges!!!

Child is very fond of cockporn (popcorn) and we also went through a phase of reading Town Mouse Cunt Mouse every night for months, and discussing it loudly out in public.

Bitch is funny.

My 3rd yelled "Dadda want cocklick Mamma said!" all round a supermarket once. I'd sent him shopping with his dad and told him that Daddy would let him have a sweetie. I absolutely deny all accusations that I knew he would say that.
His older brother, at about the same age, would put his hands over his ears at the start of the sermin in church and shout "Oh, just be qviet,man!"

He also says 'oh shit' which sadly is exactly what he means. I failed to realise how quickly he was picking up language before curbing my own language!