Things you only learned about pregnancy and birth once you were committed

Ooh pregnancy switches off my allergies too (though it just reduces my cat allergy to a weak sneeze, doesn't switch it off) I've always wondered how that worked to be honest.

Maybe they need to do some research

Agonising indigestion that made my stomach swell and stick out, from week six until I started feeling the baby have hiccups himself, that prevented me from eating and drinking more than a mouthful or two at a time until the GP recommended Ranitidine to reduce how much acid I was making.

I would snore so badly that I'd wake myself up.

That getting up for a shower while still slightly numb from a spinal (for manual placenta removal) would result in me unwittingly leaving a trail of green antibiotic poo behind me.

That a hiccupy, rattly sounding baby might also need medication to reduce stomach acid production before he can start enjoying life (or be laid down without screaming).

On the other hand, I also didn't know:

that pregnancy would switch off my hayfever overnight before I'd even tested

how amazing the first food and sleep would feel after giving birth.

I'd get milk drunk when feeding the baby as well as him. DH has some funny photos of us both lying cuddled up on the sofa looking spaced out the first day back home.

Nosebleeds

I had no idea that pregnancy can induce gallstones and therefore thought I was dying when I 'passed' my first stone when DD was 8 weeks old. Pain equal to childbirth in my experience.

Not fair, fat or forty - took a long while to work out the issue. Once we found out every bloody midwife and health visitor decided to tell me they had endless patients waiting for gallbladder removal?!

Pregnancy carpal tunnel

Pushing taking forever

With my first, I really wish someone would have told me to rest when contractions started. I was so determined to do 'active labour' and to 'establish labour' that I exhausted myself going up and down the stairs and around the block, etc. I had 2 days of labour ahead of me.... I should have just tried to sleep!

Contractions for the placenta, for me, were worse than the ones for the baby.

Feeling so alive during labour. It's not easy, but it is primal and miraculous and utterly your body and you doing this. Such a powerful feeling, and it surprised me.

That you can get morning sickness and heartburn from the moment you are pregnant right up to delivery.

That during pregnancy you can get excruciating nipple pain, especially if it gets cold. The only way to get rid of the pain was to rub them or apply heat, got some really strange looks as you can imagine but the pain was unbearable.

That you can go in to shock whilst in labour but everyone else will carry on without explaining to you why you might be shaking so violently, it was months before I realised what had happened.

I was treated wonderfully by the midwife attending when I was in labour. Perhaps because I had had an epidural and my waters went before contractions started, but I was never left alone. Whilst my labour was long, it wasn't bad.

The (female) doctor who gave me "two stitches for neatness" whilst failing to mention I had a second degree tear left a lot to be desired though. Left me with a misguided expectation regarding my recovery time.

That you should take a ball and chain to keep the midwife in the room, because you can bet your life that the minute she leaves th e room, for a doughnut break (honestly!) or to check on another patient, or for a cup of tea, or a toilet break or any damn reason whatever! That's when that baby is going to appear. Two babies delivered by auxiliary and by bewildered student!

How bloody rude and neglectful midwives are.
How painful the after pains are.
Lack of support.
Breastfeeding struggles.

bleeding nothing for me, afterpains nothing too, ( know someone who had to call ambulance) pregnancy ok as well.

but labour,...NO. Will be encouraging my girls to have sections

Oh and one I'd forgotten: loads of people grow more hair in pregnancy but mine didn't grow much on most of my body - apart from my pubic hair. Which reached halfway down my thighs by the time I gave birth It's back to normal now, but the frightening pregnancy pubes were definitely one thing I hadn't expected....

That after 26 hours of labour, when you ask for more pain relief you are told you can have 2 paracetamol.

16 year olds can pop them out on no meds,so I was to stop overreacting.

Followed 15 minutes later being run at high speed towards an operating theatre where 23 people assembled to save me and DD.

That you can immediately bond with one twin and not the other

I had months of guilt over that, but apparently it's a normal reaction to bond with the healthier (larger) one to protect yourself. I really wish someone had told me, because it contributed to my PND and I may have over-compensated a little .

Yup, rocking supermarket trollies!

Was totally shocked when I bled vaginally after my c-section!

I have a stretchmark on my mons pubis.

Pubic hair does not grow on it

How much the early days can mess with your head. I don't remember having much anxiety or confusing symptoms with the first 2 DC, had a chemical pregnancy last month but conceived again this month. I've had cramps from 5 days before AF was due, a couple of incidents of spotting & one unexplained episode of D&V. I'm still only 4+2 & my brain is so messed up I can barely function!

How true the saying "every pregnancy is different" is. All of my pregnancies have been very different! Who knew there were so many ways for pregnancies to differ?! Before I thought you got morning sickness to varying degrees...

First time around- poisonously smelly farts (they could kill), the bleeding, the first post delivery poo would be horrendous and that I really wouldn't care who saw me spread eagled and naked.

Second time around- it is possible to hold your newborn and think what an ugly baby. This thankfully didn't cause any bonding issues but he was ugly but now a beautiful wee boy!

The rocking - I never rocked before I had ds, now I find I still can't stand on the spot without finding myself rocking side to side rhythmically. Ds is a teenager

SeaEagle thank you I just wish I had known that their heads can be a bit misshapen for a while and their features change and develop! I felt like everyone else thought their baby was the most beautiful ever but I was just filled with sadness that she would live an unhappy life! In retrospect it was made worse by the birth trauma but I wish I'd known they don't always look like that forever

A friend of mine had a baby who when he was born was the most gasp-inducingly strange-looking baby ever. I mean this poor mite was genuinely, frighteningly ugly. (I don't want to give the impression that I'm very looks-focused; if anything I was so sad at the thought of DD being strange-looking because I was such a plain child myself and always felt ashamed I was so plain!) Anyway, my friend's poor ill-favoured baby is now three and is one of the most objectively gorgeous children you could ever wish to lay eyes on. So, anyone who is reading and worried that their newborn's eyes are wonky, hear my tale and don't despair, they really do change a huge amount!

That the pushing would be better than the contractions - at least you know you're getting somewhere! I may also have had a few orgasm-y moments (I was also interestingly drug free because I was terrified of G&A after a previous bad experience on pethidine).
That back massage was so essential during the aforementioned contractions.
That I would get terrible bump envy after the birth and miss having my baby safely tucked up inside me and wriggling around (despite a very uncomfortable final few weeks of pregnancy).
The bodily fluids are relentless (vomiting and rhinitis before; blood and vomiting during; blood, sweat, tears and milk afterwards and newborn vomiting, weeing and pooing every few minutes). You will need more towels, pads, muslins, nappies, sheets than you have ever conceived of.

I'd heard talk of the 3 day rush of hormones, baby blues etc.... I didn't expect to cry every day for at least 2 months. We started to call it dinner time as I sobbed into my dinner most nights! And the bleeding.... went on for at least 6 weeks !