Things you only learned about pregnancy and birth once you were committed

That some midwives are very, very cruel and will bully, belittle and assault you when you are at your most vulnerable.

That this is considered appropriate.

That if you challenge them you will be treated like a massive drama queen / shit mother.

(I will qualify this by saying some are absolute wonders and I'm sure the job is terribly stressful. But having someone penetrate me with a rod and break my waters when I'm shouting 'no, stop, please' and my husband tells her 'can't you hear her saying stop, stop this right now' but feels he can't physically intervene as he'll likely get arrested, isn't something that will leave me.)

It happened in both of my labours. I'm due DC3 in four weeks and will be mightily disappointed if it doesn't happen again.

No completely sober

Oohmavis were you on any pain relief when that happened? G&A?

That prolapses can happen quite easily, even 2 weeks after the birth. Quick smart with those pelvic floor exercises ladies, even with stitches. Ouch.

That labour can, if you're a bit weird like me, result in a near or full-on orgasm.

It's not a myth.

That it is perfectly possible to wet yourself while vomiting.
And that tena direct deliver next day in plain packaging

SPD isn't necessarily 'just a bit of hip pain'. You can end up disabled by it, using a wheelchair because you've lost the ability to walk or drive. Oh and you might as well forget about standing up as well

And ignore everyone's perceptions after birth of the whole 'you've got a baby now everything is wonderful and perfect' thing. If anything isn't right tell someone.

The furry tummy
The constant worry
The wind that doesn't smell like your own
How you really, really don't care who gets to see your fanjo when you are in labour

That sometimes babies die before they are born and that sadly this is more common than I ever thought possible. It's rarely talked about but I really wish I had been more aware of this

'Morning sickness' lasting almost the entire pregnancy. The midwife kept telling me it would stop soon...nope.

That it is possible to have a very fast first labour and that faster does not equal better!

The amount of blood that came out afterwards. Like, golf balls.

Breastfeeding thirst. My mouth was like a desert!

That post natal depression can happen even if you are so happy to have a baby and nothing is really bad in your life at all.

That pnd can actually be treated effectively and then when you get better you wonder what the hell you were thinking!

Bleeding gums.

"omfg your teeth are bleeding"

Night sweats
PGP
Constant nausea
Insomnia
Extra saliva

The sweaty, milky smell when you've spent a day breastfeeding twins and you are sure that everyone else can smell it!

I feel that this thread should a) be in classics, but more importantly b) be included in the sex ed programme in every secondary school in the country. It's terrifying!

how much I would cry in the days after giving birth (day 4 the worst
?!) 'baby blues' it was horrendous. I was in hospital and couldn't say the word home without sobbing...

I had easy pregnancies and relatively easy births although ds was posterior and my labours did little and then went from standing starts to 10cm within less than an hour.

That midwives could be so rude and so vulgar and the community ones at home were the worst.

That if you are worried about anything you need to refer it to a doctor straight away.

That childbirth is a mere right of passage to prepare you for the agony of breastfeeding. Nobody told me that breast feeds could last for two hours and you just breast fed for six weeks. Mastitis, thrush of the inner breast tissues, cracked and bleeding nipples. And the pressure applied by hcps and the guilt to make you carry on. I didn't mention the breast abscess.

How tired the 1st trimester made me.
That 'morning sickness' can be 24 hours a day and lasts months.
Rhinitis
Worse sleep in the 3rd trimester than with a newborn!
Milk let down can be really painful (like someone twanging elastic bands on my nipples!).

Baby getting hiccups three or four times a day,

Every hiccup I had a drop of pee come out!

I ended up wearing adult nappies!! Really glamorous

That my ribs would move and not go back. I have a load of nice dresses that fit around the boobs and waist again now I've lost most of the baby weight but won't do up over my rib cage!

That being stitched up afterwards (episiotomy) would be so painful. I got through more g&a during stitches than I did during the rest of my labour.

The birthing the placenta actually felt really nice (for me, I know it doesn't fit everyone!). It's hard to describe but it was warm and just 'nice'.

Oh and cluster feeding. I had no idea that was a thing.
I have learned so much being pregnant and having my first. One thing that's really annoyed me is that you're just not told about stuff like hyperemesis or spd, but when you actually talk to people you realise it's not uncommon - it's just that it's not publicised and the medical profession has ( sorry to say) a very dismissive 'you're pregnant what do you expect?' Attitude.

Breastfeeding can be excruciatingly painful!

That you can grow actual fur during pregnancy
That morning sickness can in fact be nine months of vomiting a dozen times a day
The sickening pelvic pain
That the sickening pelvic pain doesn't go away after birth
That spinals don't always work

That pregnancy can give you rhinitis. I sneezed constantly for months.

Haven't given birth yet but I'll come back and update in five weeks or so when everything something has taken me by surprise.

That I am not some supercool Wonder Woman but a deeply feeble wimp with the pain threshold of a mouse who is not actually capable of getting a baby out of me without the aid of doctors with knives and implements. This was quite annoying because after breezing through each symptom-free pregnancy I thought I had this reproduction lark sorted.

But nothing compares to my DGM who, on establishing her first pregnancy went to the doctor and asked exactly how the baby was going to emerge. He laughed and said "the same way it got in there" and she was utterly shocked. My DGGM was a bit peculiar so I can well believe that the subject had never emerged.