Things that stay with you.

DM, DS and are DF's second family, but DF's sons from his first marriage largely grew up with us due to various troubles, illness, mental health issues with their mother. They did return to their mother is their teens. DM never tried to replace their mother or anything, but ways treated them and DS and I the same. DF worked away from home a lot, but DM just got on with raising us all. DF died years ago now. When his first wife died a few years later, the boys asked DM to go to the funeral "because you've always been there for us". When people questioned DM on why she was going to her dead husband's ex wife's funeral she said quite simply "to support my boys". Hers in all but genes. DM - their step mother - was the only constant in their lives.

Thefamilyvonstrop

That brought tears to my eyes, how beautiful

"If only she were just a tiny bit more beautiful."

My (then) husband on the day of my son's (his step son of 5 years) diagnosis of cancer - 'i didn't count on having an ill step child. I can't support you emotionally or physically and I resent the financial implications.'

fucking coward - and the one person in the world I truly hate.

I've spent hours reading this thread and there are so many sad things and happy things that have happened to people.

Mine is a little bitter-sweet but happy overall

DD1 (now an adult) was premature and spent the first 5 weeks in NICU. Obviously family were there for both DH and myself throughout but the first non-family member to visit was a friend of DH. He's not even a person I particularly like (don't particularly dislike him either, just not someone I wouldn't choose as a friend) but I will always love him for that first visit.

A positive one from me - my newly placed 11 month son sitting on my knee and cuddling in to me for the first time. I looked down at him he looked up, gave me the most beautiful, shy smile and cuddled in again. He had been with us about 6 weeks and it was the first time he initiated an affectionate cuddle himself.

I was about 11/12 when my great grandmother died. She had suffered with dementia for a couple of years and I had stopped seeing her as much because it was so scary at that age she didnt seem like the same great gran I had known.

At the funeral my gran (her daughter) told me to shut up and stop crying, I had no right to be sad as I "didnt even bother visiting her". I was 12!!!!!

What an amazing thread to all who have experienced such negativity - you are all still here though despite all said against you.

I'm currently going through a bad patch but this thread has made me think of a positive - was working for a small family firm. We worked out of the studying the farm house and my boss's mother had Parkinson's. I went to the kitchen one day to make coffee and she was sat snuggled up to the Aga.

She looked at me and said "do I know you?" I said yes we've met before I work for your son - she looked at me for a few seconds and said "yes I don't know your name but I remember your smile".

In my darkest days that stays with me

When I had a mc at 12 weeks friends and family tried to but didn't really "get it" and said some awful things that stay with me even though they were absolutely trying to be nice. Things such as
" you're young, you can try again"
"Must have been something wrong with it"
"My cat died recently so I know what you are going through"( that one actually makes me laugh!
I went to a family wedding a week later and despite being asked not to DH Auntie had told people I was pg but not bothered to tell people I had mc so lots of her friends were coming up to me to offer congratulations, which was very traumatic. I ended up locking myself in a toilet cubicle and crying for ages.
One of Dh Aunts friends had a reputation for being a total spoilt trophy wife airhead - she came up to me and held my hand while looking at me and said " I have been where you are now and while you won't ever get over it you WILL find a way of getting around it"
I've never forgotten that.

This is one of the most moving threads I have ever read on here.

I am dumbfounded by the way in which some words can seem, at the time, so innocuous and throwaway but can actually have a lasting and significant impact on those who they are aimed at.

I tell DS all the time that I love him, am proud of him etc but after reading this thread, I'll be doing that an awful lot more.

My exP said "why did you go do that" and "I can barely cope with you, and a kid on top - no way" when I told him I was pregnant. I was pressured into a termination and terminated that pregnancy as I knew I had to finally get that vile man out of my life. I felt awful afterwards and it was one of those periods in you're life where you have an enlightenment. But I'll never forget his words

On my wedding day a little girl in the street saying look mummy, there's a princess!

My last round of Ivf after many failed attempts having 2 perfect embryos transferred and all I want for Christmas is you came on the radio. I had a positive pregnancy test on Christmas Day and now have beautiful twins.

The doctors face when he came to see me after my baby had a routine operation. He's alive but in intensive care on a ventilator, words a parent should never hear. I knew there was something not right before the op but was palmed off as an over anxious first time mum. When I said this to the doctor he said you were right. This gave me confidence to trust my instincts as a mum and to follow my gut.

MadameJosephine all of it is terrible but the bit about him clutching his report card on the way to the matching 'party' is utterly heartbreaking.

rainbows&stars hugs & to you.

So many sad tales that stay with us, however small or large they appear they mean something to each and every one of us.

Dp's cousin has mental health problems from a very young age, he has been admitted to a psychiatric unit twice in his life, once before I knew dp & him, and the last was last year.

Apart from his girlfriend nobody else went to visit him, I found this deeply saddening that even his own parents didn't want to know him. So I told dp that we should go in and see him, I wasn't even sure you could take gifts in but as we were leaving I picked up a few books from the table and took them into see him, not even sure what to expect.

He was very placid (complete opposite to the last time id seen him, when he'd stripped down to the waist and screamed horrible things at me telling me I was so fat and ugly and dp could do better), but obviously the drugs helped. I chatted to him just like I usually did, I was actually very nervous, not knowing what to say so we just chatted about old tales of things they'd got up to as kids, funny comedy sketches on the tv he liked and we shared a love of, and then we came home.

He came out a few weeks later, due to working full time and going on holiday I only saw him that one time in there.

He thanked me at christmas by bringing back the books and told me he really appreciated me coming into see him and speaking to him as a Human being, as none of his own family could even be bothered, so he appreciated it all the more from me as he knew I could have easily turned my back on him like the rest of them, But I understood a bit more that it wasn't actually him, it was his illness. The way he said it made me feel so sorry for him that all his family had given up on him but a stranger still showed him compassion. The look on his face will stay with me forever.

When I was about 11 after many other incidents my mentally ill dm cornered me in my bedroom and screamed in my face 'I hate you' the wild look in her eyes stays with me more than the words, I really though she was going to kill me. I managed to get away and ran to the local phone box where I called my beloved grandparents. I remember hiding behind the phone box when my mum came searching for me. My grandparents rescued me as they had many times before and since. My dm was sectioned that day for the second time and refused to see me in hospital as I'd put her there.
Fast forward many years my dm never did stay well after her hospital admission. The day her dm, my beloved nanna died she didn't react, my grandfather however was so broken by her reaction I vowed I'd never see her again. Seven months later I spent hours by my DGF's bedside while he slowly slipped away. The day he died I knew I'd have to see my mum. I turned up there to tell her, she was lying on the sofa and didn't move when I shouted her. At first I was angry that she was ignoring me on such an awful day, then it hit me, something was wrong. My dm was gone too. The state of her house, the way she'd been living, the lack of food in the cupboards will haunt me forever.
I'm sorry that's so long, it's the first time I've written it down. This thread is the most powerful thing I have read, it has made me cry, given me strength, made me smile. to all of you xxxx

That last Liiinooo is beautiful both for that lady's response to tragedy and your humility.

I was an oldish first time mum and was full of stress and anxiety about being the perfect mum with the perfect baby. One of my NCT group ( a very groomed, glamorous fashionista who I had always secretly judged for being a bimbo) gave birth to a baby with numerous disabilities. He spent the first three months of his life in hospital whilst doctors tried to work out exactly what was wrong with him.

Eventually this woman who I had dared to judge put her foot down and insisted on taking her baby home saying 'Whatever is wrong with him, he's our son and we'll take care of him'. That level of unconditional love was a revelation to me. I haven't seen her for nearly 25 years but I will never forget her.

The worst: my toxic, drunken mother, a few month after my first miscarriage yelled at me that I "couldn't even keep my own baby alive".

The best: a teacher at school wrote just four words on my school report and I still think of them now when my confidence fails: "Organised, motivated, resolute, talented."

My dm telling my now dh a week before our wedding that he shouldn't marry me because he could do so much better

Collecting money for a charity walk in honour of my DS who had died as a young baby, me, DSis and DN went into a pub. Someone asked for kisses in exchange for a donation - when it was my turn he said Id have to pay him and the whole pub roared with laughter. Just brought back years of insults of always being the 'ugly friend'

MIL telling me my new born DD would never be as good as SILs son, he would always be her favourite - NC now thank fuck

DH telling me nobody would ever want me again after the traumatic birth (and stitching)

On a bus going into town with my Mum and sister and aunt and cousins who were visiting us, I was aged about 13. My cousins were older than me. As we sat there a girl a few years above who was always really mean to me at school got on with her friend and I whispered to my Mum who she was, she told my Aunt and cousins. A few stops later the girl got off and one of my cousins said "everyone stick your tongue out at her!" So for some reason we all did, adults included. So almost the whole side of the bus was taken up with people sticking their tongue out at her, which she could see through the window. She shouted and stuck her finger up at us but for some reason she never looked at me let alone spoke to me again at school. I honestly don't know why we thought it was a good idea but we still laugh when we talk about it now and as an anti bullying tool it was very effective

thomasrichard that is utterly heartbreaking. I'm quite a tough old bird but that's got me crying now too, that poor poor boy

my beloved teacher Mrs Toft I hope I was a 'Mrs Toft' to at least one of my pupils.

It so leaps out from this thread that everyone who said the awful remarks to people were the people with the issues.

Hope people can see that and gain self esteem from this thread.

"The child I didn't adopt'. I have rarely cried so much at something I've read on the Internet.