Things that stay with you.

A bit of an odd thing to stay with me, nothing like some of the poignant ones here, but I often think of it.

The 'Sex and the City' film, the scene where Carrie is driving away from the wedding and sees Big who has just left her at the altar and has messed her around for years, she gets out of the car and flies at him. Charlotte holds her as she sobs and as Big tries to go to her, Charlotte screams at him 'No!!!!' The look on the actresses face really sticks with me, the love for her friend and her utter hatred for this coward of a man.

It always makes me cry thinking that I've never had a friend who loves me like that who would hold me if I sobbed and berate the man who had caused it.

nice one - A level english teacher who came to watch my A level drama performance and then at parents' evening told DM & DF that i 'blossomed on the stage'

not so nice one - a pretty good friend saying that she thought i was a 'stuck up posh bitch' when we first met. i'm actually v shy and awkward :(

and my mother, when we were on holiday in paris drinking wine, who said 'you've got an interesting face' but then compared me to kate winslet so, swings and roundabouts.

In the Notre Dame Cathedral, looking into the prayer box surrounded by candles. A piece of paper amongst hundreds clearly visible with the words 'please God ease my mothers suffering'

I only just found this thread, some really sad posts but some happy ones too. I want to hug you all!

I could post lots of negatives - I didn't have the really awful experiences that some people had, but I was bullied a lot. But instead I will post the happy ones that stick out for me.

After spending my school years being very shy and bullied and generally hating myself, I had a lovely teacher in Year 6 who the moment she met me could tell I had been bullied. She really worked hard to bring my self esteem up and bring out my confidence. At the end of the year I stood up and sang a song as an audition for our end of year show and I will always remember the stunned silence then mad applause as everyone realised that the girl they had all dismissed was actually the best singer in the year.

My English teacher at secondary school, who was generally an all round ledge and best teacher ever, when helping me with a poem I had to recite for an assembly he said "make sure you smile - you've got a lovely smile". It's not how I ever would have thought to describe my smile as I don't have very good teeth, but it stuck with me so I make the effort to smile properly, and now I think my smile is one of my best features - still have the bad teeth but one of the compliments I get most is "you've got a beautiful smile". Smile and the world smiles with you I guess!

When scattering my dad's ashes, sister deciding that gently scattering the ashes was taking too long, and tipping the bag over because she thought the ashes would just float away - they didn't, they landed on the rocks below in a massive clump that you could see even from the car park. I laughed so much I full on wet myself and had to tie my jumper round my waist for the walk back to the car.

That's the main thing I remember from the aftermath of my dad's death, that is the thing that comes back to me the most, not the pain, just the ridiculous moment when my sister managed to fuck up scattering the ashes.

My best friend telling me that my abusive husband was who would show my baby son how to be a man. I left, sharpish. The same friend telling me she loved me in a late night phone call, for the first time in 15 years. The next time the phone rang it was her husband to tell me she'd died in her sleep unexpectedly.

to everyone. This thread is amazing - happy and sad.

When I was about 6/7 (about 24 years ago) my mother had a tirade at me that concluded with her snarling "you don't deserve any fucking friends" right close up to my face. She won't remember it, but I think I've thought about it almost every day since. Sometimes obsessively, sometimes not.

This year I went on holiday with two friends I've made in adulthood. I went to the bar to get the drinks, and as I was heading back I overheard one say to the other "...yeah, I haven't needed to go back to therapy since I became friends with Chops."

They've been the best friends I could hope for, so I hope that meant I've been a good friend to them.

A friends mum at the wake of a mutual friend who'd died tragically young blurted out very loudly:

"you've got so fat since I saw you last, I know you've just had a baby but he's 5 months old so there's no excuse" I was mortified and ran out of the pub. Worse still my exdp just stood there and said nothing, he didn't even follow me/check I was ok. When he got home later I had a go at him for not defending me and he just shrugged at said "what for? It was true." I was devastated but didn't have the guts to dump him for another year. I've never lost the weight either 12 years later so it pops in to my head regularly.

My mum had gone to a parents evening when I was innmy first gcse year in school, when she came home she told me how she had listening to music in the que and was in a bit of a world of her own when my English teacher (who I had a great deal of respect for, he wasn't just a good teacher he was a great man and now a good friend) called her over. She oh sorry, hi I'm hago's mum. He replied 'oh I like her!'.
That will say with me forever. He helped me through a very rough ride in school and advocated for me against some of the other more senior teachers were bullying me.
Mr Daw. What a legend :)

When we were students me and DP lived about 45 minutes from my mum. In the final year DP got offered a PhD post up north which meant us moving about 200 miles.

I rang my mum to tell her our fantastic news which we were really excited about. She was gutted and asked 'what about me visiting?'.

Selfish bitch.

This thread has had me crying, lots of love to those who need it

DP told me he 'didn't know why I bothered' breastfeeding our DD, this was when she was about 5 months old and I was so bloody proud of myself for getting through those mad first months and all those sleepless nights, and growing our girl perfectly. It really hurt that he couldn't just say 'well done', and I've never talked to him about anything BF related since, I don't even really like feeding in front of him now because I feel like he's judging me (DD is nearly a year now).

'Never give up on a bad day' someone on a mn thread about bfing, i clung to this when things were hard, and it kept me going.

When I was doing my training I spent a few weeks working on a neonatal unit, we had a baby on the ward which was going for adoption and I was there when the new adoptive parents came to meet their baby. The looks on their faces when they walked in, I don't know how to describe it. There was so much emotion, but they were desperately trying to hold it together. They were both in their 40s and I imagine had a lot of disappointment and heartbreak behind them, their dreams were on the cusp of coming true that day, and you could see it written all over them, like they were elated but terrified in case they had their hearts broken again. All the nurses had a little weep to see that lady hold the baby for the first time. I hope they're all happy together today.

Maths teacher when I asked a question about algebra (when i was 13): "what are you - stupid?".

So called friend: "you'd be quite pretty - if you lost weight"

Positive one - dd aged 2, suddenly leant across the table to cuddle me, saying "mama I love you. You're my best friend."

A thread title from an online forum: My life has changed forever. It was in the birth announcement section of an infertility forum I had been an active member of for a few years, had done my own birth announcement some months earlier. So I'm thinking 'duh, yeah having babies tends to do that to all of us.' Her baby was born 5 weeks early with a serious life limiting genetic condition diagnosed at birth.

'I wonder who we will be here for next?' - A relative at Great Aunts funeral. The funeral was in late December and as an extended family we had attended 4 funerals that year. I was back there 12 weeks later following the sudden death (in his early 40's) of the relative who made the 'throw away' comment. It was the last time I spoke to him and the last thing he said to me

Straight 1's in GCSE Spanish, I was really excited, only thing I've ever excelled at, ran all the way home and told DF, he replied,
"What are you going to be when you grow up? An effing Spaniard?"

I asked my stepdad if he would ever do to my sister (his daughter) what he does to me, he said "no, she's my daughter and you are nothing" my mum telling my young siblings that i was a crack head and them saying it to me.

My mum telling me while 9 months pregnant that she feels sorry for the baby to have me as a mother because i wanted to talk to her about what my step dad had done.

I keep forgiving her but she denies everything and after my step dad died she always tells me about him and how she misses him no matter how much i ask her not too, then she calls me a bitch and other such names.

"Its her heart" said about my baby who wasn't even 24 hours old, 6 months before my partners sisters 3rd child was born with a heart condition. Upon diagnosis when i ask what surgery she needed to fix it, i was told "there is no surgery she has to fix it herself and if she doesn't she will die" over a year on and my baby is still here and thriving thanks to a donated heart.

A nice one....
i'd lost both my parents before I had my little boy. He was absolutely beautiful and made the grey clouds lift a little. I remember thinking to myself I would dearly love to have a little girl just like my own birth family. (I have a big brother) I said a little prayer (something i don't normally do) Anyway 12 weeks later I'm at a scan .... Sonographer and trainee in the room.. My husband holding my hand.... We suddenly had double vision as two babies were flashing up on the screen. Yes I was having twins. They are five and my little boy is seven and I have to pinch myself after years of unhappiness.

a friend told me recently (after discovering that I was struggling with depression) I have never seen you as anything but a strong, healthy and beautiful and positive person and I've always admired that about you.

When dumped, young & pregnant, worrying what people might think, my grandma sent me a letter that said "people will always talk, no matter what, whether you do this or don't, so why not give them something to talk about"

Also I remember the sternest, strictest Chemistry teacher on a school trip pulling me aside after I confronted a bully who was being horrible to a poor girl,

"you've just given that boy the most articulate bollocking I've ever heard. You're going far."

My Masters supervisor stopped me from killing myself. She went way beyond the call of duty and behaved somewhat unprofessionally but saved my life. We clicked from the beginning.

I will always remember her turning up at A and E in the middle of the night to take me home after self harming. There was no public transport at that time of night and I didn't know who else to call.

She would let me sit in her office when things got too much and supported me through mania, depression and psychosis.

Whilst in a psychiatric unit, a few days after defending my masters thesis, my supervisor came personally to tell me that I had come top of my year... we both cried.

I used to windsurf competitively as a teenager. After a spectacular wipeout I was hauled from the water by the rescue boat and taken ashore. My Dad and his friend came to check I was OK and I said I was so they went back to the viewing area as they had lots of other kids to keep an eye on. About half an hour later my dad's friend came back to find me sitting on the beach in the first stages of hypothermia having not been able to walk off the beach as my leg hurt. Turns out I had a broken ankle. When he visited me in hospital as he left he turned around and said "never say you are alright when you're not" and for some reason that has stayed with me and is something I always remind my kids when they are obviously fighting back the tears as I feel it is applicable to mental as well as physical health.

This happened back in the 60s. I was ten years old, and not very mature for my age. My older sister had married a man who had beat her up within a few months of the marriage. Remember, in those days, basically nobody would do anything about domestic violence-it was not considered a police matter.

She left him but he found out where she lived, and went there and stabbed her. She died a couple of days later. In the meantime, I was at home alone and did not know what was going on. (There was no such thing as after school care in those days, so I just was alone until my parents got home from work.) They called me to tell me to lock the doors and wait for the policeman to come get me. They did not know where my sister's husband was; it later turned out he had killed himself. I spent hours waiting for the police. I knew my sister had been beaten up and did not want that to happen to me.

When the policeman did knock, I wouldn't answer the door until my mother called and told me it was ok. I still remember how terrified I was, sitting there, waiting to be taken to safety. I sometimes feel like I have spent the last 50 years waiting for that knock on the door.

Being told "this is the only time anyone will fuck u because your a fat ugly cunt" by the man who was raping me. At age 9 truely fucked up my view on men untill I met my DH 9 years later.

This thread has been such a roller coaster. I've cried, I've smiled. My heart aches for some of you, and the people you've lost, and the cruelty you've endured.
Some of your stories will stay with me. Particularly this from expatinscotland: She looked at me with her big green eyes and smiled, and took my hand. "I love you, Mummy." She said. She died 8 months later.
I've thought about that almost non-stop since I read it last night. Sending you so much love expat.

I was told (at the age of 11) that I would never amount to anything and would live off my dads money for the rest of my life - I was being emotionally abused by my dad and was very violent.
I haven't seen my dad for years, have a fab life, great job and a loving family (excluding my dad). It always makes me sad that I was written off by a lot of teachers when all I needed was a safe place