Things that stay with you.

A relative said to me "you're nowt without your hair"

I also remember my ex telling me he couldn't promise he wouldn't cheat on me again. I was broken.

The last phone call I had with my uncle when he had terminal cancer. I'd just recovered from being seriously ill. He asked me "How did you feel when you thought you were going to die?" Broke my heart.

Nice things...

A friend of mine said to another friend - 'Chickenowner is always happy and smiling'.

A tutor at university, to our tutor group - 'That's why I like Chickenowner, she always laughs at my jokes' (I don't know why, but thinking of this always makes me smile!)

A stranger in a pub in central London, about 15 years ago - 'This balloon is for the prettiest girl in the pub, so I'm giving it to you'. He and his friends left the pub, so it wasn't a chat up line, which makes it nicer I think.

I worked in an admin capacity in an old people's home, and couldn't help but get attached to some of the residents. One lovely lady I was very fond of ( a spinster who dedicated her life to the Salvation Army, and had no family) ended up in hospital with a broken hip. I went to see her every evening to make sure she was OK and pick up her washing etc. When she was discharged I came into work and was beaming at the sight of her eating her breakfast, back in her usual place. I greeted her and told her how happy I was to see her back home. She thanked me for coming to see her every day and then said 'It's a pleasure to know you'. I went to my office and cried, I had done so little really. She sadly died a few days later, but her words enter my head whenever I doubt myself. I hope you are smiling up there in Heaven Edith xx

Nice things

Upon telling my boss I wanted to go back to uni to get a promotion he said "Good, I think you'll be excellent"

My senior colleague "when am I getting you back in my work life? I miss you and the fantastic job you do". I burst into tears. I was having a crappy day, and it made me feel too much!

My friend "you've come a long way in the three years I'be known you"

My mum saying to me 'I wish anything had happened to you rather than this' when I came out as a lesbian.

This thread is so emotional - and thank you for sharing.
My first daughter was stillborn. Of the horror and hopelessness we felt, and some needless cruelty from family members, I always remember:
Our friends leaving a big bag of food at our front door so we wouldn't have to face a supermarket trip
An acquaintance (a friend we'd got drunk with at festivals etc when we were carefree) sending a beautiful card with such kind words, ditto so many people we hadn't expected
Being able to offer real experiences and comfort to a friend who lost her son a year later, made me feel that my daughter's short life was making a long term impact on others

snakewitch, in your post upthread you talk about being reluctant to compliment people on their hair or whatever - definitely do it! A nice thing that will stay with me is a compliment like that. My car had broken down, it was freezing, I was in the throes of early pregnancy sickness, and I was marching off to a cafe to await the recovery truck. An elderly lady walking behind me called out "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you have beautiful elegant ankles." I walked a bit taller for WEEKS.

So now I compliment random strangers on hair, clothes etc. I don't mind if they think I'm weird.

My ex-boss telling me "yes you've had a tricky year, but you need to move on now".

In the space of 18 months I'd been dreadfully ill in late pregnancy, had a traumatic birth, my mother had been diagnosed with dementia, my lovely FIL (who I loved as a replacement dad, my own having died many years before) had died hideously from cancer, I'd had a miscarriage, got a severely herniated lumbar disc which disabled me so much I needed surgery, and DH had been diagnosed with a very rare cancer also necessitating surgery. All with zero help from any family. But yeah, I guess I needed to move on

After a lot of worry about infertility and telling my mother I was pregnant "How did you manage that then?"

Also from DM

"I think you have self esteem problems because your friends are so much thinner and prettier than you....." - Love that one.

Dh - "I like a full bush" - I knew he was the one then....

Overhearing a lad describe me as 'plain'
The exh who got me pregnant (planned) then said he 'couldn't have sex with a fat woman' - charming

Finding out my mum who had cancer had only 6 months to live....I was 12, she died age 47.

Brother became my legal guardian, fun times ensued until I became an adult and my brother said he wished I was dead. Not once but twice.

An amazing friend of mine is retired and we get on amazingly regardless of the age difference (I'm 38, she's almost in her 70's) says no matter things that I've happened in your past you're an amazing mother and you should be proud of the daughter you're raising, she's a great little girl. Thanks.

My heart goes out to each and every one of you. We are a lot stronger than we care to think or admit

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch just now, and my beloved friend said this to me on Facebook:

"And I hope you know that you're an exceptionally special person. There is literally nobody on this planet like you. You're one of the strongest and most independent people I've ever met, it makes me happy to know that you are here in this world, subtly and purposefully improving it in a million little ways.

And you're funny and kind and warm and sexy and I think you kick ass."

Another one: a few months ago I was hopping in Aldi and I saw this tiny little old couple. Neither of them came up to my shoulder and they had to reach up to push the trolley. The lady couldn't find what she wanted on the shelf, and the gent reached over, picked it up, and said, "Here it is, my darling." There was so much love and kindness in his voice. I really hope someone loves me like that when I'm old.

Just reading this for the first time.

mylovesgoesdown My god that is heartbreaking. You are an amazing person to help these young people, so strong. I'm sobbing. For you and for the young man.

My uncle, who is also my godfather and I class him as my second dad, would do anything he could to make me happy, called me at least once a fortnight - called me 10 days after my boyfriend died suddenly and told me it was time to get over it! I know in my heart that he just hated to hear my cry and really didn't know what to say or help me with words (held me tight and stroked my hair in person) but man it hurt and although we are still close, he doesn't call me as often and I'll never truly forgive him.

I didn't hug or kiss my boyfriend goodbye the day that he died because he was sitting on the toilet and I couldn't wait until he had finished.

(I love my parents, they are/have been amazing parents, would and have done anything for me, however they have an aversion to using the phone! They never call me, as an effect of that, I too have an aversion to using the phone so rarely call them. I see them once every 6-8 weeks and unless we have a question we don't talk in between (my uncle relays info back and forth!) It upsets me way more than it should!)

Being told by my auntie after miscarriage at 12 weeks "maybe it was for the best"

Also being told that it didn't really count as I was only 12 weeks.

I always feel like I shouldn't hurt and that I'm imposing on people who have lost their babies at a later stage.

A small ad I saw in the paper once.

'Hamster cage for sale, £10. Hamster included'

In the 70s, on my way to work (holiday job) in Oxford Street, the song Young, Gifted and Black playing from inside a shop. A Black woman and her very small DD outside, the little girl was dancing to it. Her mum and I caught eyes - I felt like there was a thought between us.

The sheer joy in my dad's voice calling out my name when I walked in the door for my last visit with him. Even through that death's head mask the happiness shone from his eyes. That picture gave me strength for the next week's vigil, and wakes me often since.

Watching my mum die after a 5 year battle with cancer.

Being told by previous boyfriends, 'you're not textbook pretty, but you're alright' 'i didn't think much of you when I first saw you but with make up on you're passable'

I remember all the bullies names.

On a night out with a friend, friend was being chatted up and his friend came over and said to him 'you're not leaving me with the fat one'

Being asked by a midwife if I was pregnant. I wasn't. She kept asking me if I was sure.

Being asked if I was pregnant again. I wasn't. Question asker laughed at me.

IceRoadDucker it is cancer in his neck. There were fears it had spread to his lungs but we know now it's just the neck. He's having a mask made for radiotherapy now. Thanks

Nowhere as bad as many of the previous posters, but being told by my ex that the only reason he got with me was because he was confused and that if he had been thinking straight he never would have considered it. Really messed with my mindset.

Being met outside NICU by DS's paediatrician as we were getting ready to go in and the Dr telling us "he's not in there, he's in the nursery"

Overhearing my mum telling my step dad that "I deserved it" after I reported my ex to the police for DV. We're civil now but I will never ever forget what I heard her say about me.

I've just been reading a history book about pirates, and while explaining the reasons why many sailors were tempted to join pirate crews there was a bit about how brutal some of the merchant and Navy captains could be. It used the example of a sadistic captain who took a dislike to his cabin boy and subjected him to horrendous physical abuse and torture that eventually took his life. The cabin boy would have been about nine or ten years old. I won't go into details here, but the book described what the captain did to him and it keeps creeping back into my mind, how the poor child must have suffered. (the crew were equally horrified and reported it on their return, and the captain was hanged)

Conversely, when Edward Teach - Blackbeard - once took a vessel that turned out to be carrying several children, he ordered their father to stay with them and reassure them so they wouldn't be too scared, and when he was forcing the crew to tell him where the money was kept he threatened to burn the ship, and had the children removed on lifeboats to keep them safe. Once he got the money (without burning the ship) he put the children back on board with their father and left with his loot, without having killed a single person aboard.

MrsHaitch I hope your dad had good news.

When my nan was dying in hospital after a stroke she'd lost the power of speech and spent most of her final days sleeping. I stayed in the hospital with her, sleeping in a chair by her bed. On the last night she woke up, looked at me, reached out and stroked my hair. I knew exactly what she wanted to say.

I went through horrific bullying when I was 13-15. At one point I went on a school trip with a different year group, and I was so happy to be away from my bullies and enjoying myself. That night I spilled a hot chocolate in the corridor on the way back to my room. The PE teacher, an awful woman, stood inches from me as she made me get on my knees and scrub it in front of her. I'll never forget the sneer on her face as she reminded me of my place in the world.

One of my bullies, when looking at a drawing I'd done: "Is there anything you can't do?" I should've realised then that I was bullied from jealousy, but it took me several more years.

My ex-boss, a few days ago: "When you left my team I lost my right hand. Now you're leaving the company, my left hand's going too."