Mumsnet Top Trumps

I order lots and lots of Boden for my girls.

I then like to photograph the packets and show Facebook what I have bought.

I order from waitrose but only buy the essentials things because that's how I make a saving.

My husband is a ceo of a company and gets to go LA a lot. I have to stay home and look after my own children with the nanny.

Have you seen how much sugar is in food, I have a table I can show you

Already on it snore. I abhor well thought out presents. Says more about the giver than me, totally selfish of them to expect me to house their tat. I have hand carved personal gift boxes with £100 cheques to all 10 000 guests, and bought them the outfit of their choice too, including accessories and hair and makeup obvs. I also have 300 BM so no one is left out and my hen night is an hour sat in a field with some food and drink, all paid for by me so no one really has to pay anything or do any vulgar activity. In fact the female guests are getting spa days after to recover from the trauma of attending a wedding.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn I hope you are not expecting any presents or money. Perhaps you could buy a gift for each person attending so as not to appear grabby or vulgar.

Iron?

I NEVER iron.

I wash all my clothes on a 10 degree wash, then remove them from the solar-powered machine the same nano-second as the cycle finishes.

I then simply hang them on coat hangers in the garden and Death Stare at them until the creases drop out from sheer fear.

Any stubborn creases are asked, "Do you mean to be so rude?" - that soon sorts them out.

I was so cross after my Ocado delivery substituted Fuerte avocados for Hass that I Death Stared one of my DH's work shirts into box pleats and had to wash the damn thing again.

I'm planning a wedding soon and I'm inviting everyone I have come into contact with since my conception, plus their families. I couldn't possibly leave anyone out. I will of course consult each and every one of them, inviting their opinions on what sort of day me and DF should have, in fact if they have an opinion on him, they are allowed to find me a suitable replacement. I couldn't possibly have my own day, it's all about those around me. I am just turning up.

Everyone at a nearby school (not too nearby you understand) is committing some sort of crime, benefit fraud being the most common. Of course I wouldn't dream of reporting them. It is their basic human right to claim any money they see fit and it is none of my business whatsoever as they clearly aren't hurting anyone. My friend (well ex friend now of course, I had to cut her dead when she suggested it) wanted to report them and I clutched my pearls and fainted outright, she just couldn't see that it was none of our concern at all. In fact I've volunteered to pay 95% tax in the hope more people will claim benefits when they could quite easily live on their earnings or partners wage.

I absolutely never mark my place on mn threads. I think place marking is worse even than using "hun" or text speak, and should be punishable by death.

Also all our plants are wanted by organic mountain water, it's not good enough for us to drink.

LaContessa

That's nothing. I have my own livestock and grow my own crops. In fact, we don't even step into a supermarket let alone a farmers mArket, we grow are own flour and grind it as well, gets the children's muscle working. We even picked out the seeds are self are soil has been tested its 100% organic no air fumes or car fumes have been near it, also did I mention the seeds were organic hand picked by an organic pigs nose. My children also take tapestry and weaving class, al the furniture in our house was handmade by one of us, we are so fortunate.

private school and they're so rounded that they actually roll downstairs rather than walk.

Best MN comment ever!

Slinky my Dd achieved all of those minor accomplishments in utero, of course.

I didn't get knocked out, I won.

treaclesoda

I was violently assaulted whilst walking along the street minding my own business. But instead of judging the perpatrator to be a thug and calling the police to have her arrested, I took her name and address and sent her a voucher for a spa day and offered to babysit for her, because clearly she is struggling.

You've never heard of my DD1's name before - and yet it is classic, stylish, correctly spelled and shortens to a perky nn.

I went to the park today and saw a dog being walked on a lead . Was unreasonable and thoughtless of the owner didn't even look a ' refugee' dog. Was a pure bred Labrador. What if my DS was beaten to death with its waggy tail !

Rang the council to complain but only an answering machine stating that the offices are closed on Sunday ! What is the world coming to.

I set fire to my carpets when my friend walked into my house without taking her shoes off.

I just read a PP who is upset that the checkout assistant dodn't ask them for an extra bag. I think they need to sort their life out really - what about the environment! I literally shake with rage if anyone at a supermarket assumes we haven't brought our own bags. Well, I say bags, we fashion boxes out of upcycled objects we collect from skips. We mostly shop at farmers markets though and then we just drive the Prius straight up to the stalls and pop food right into the boot. People tut and someone actually threatened to call the police once but they were carrying three plastic bags! Don't they know anything about carbon footprints! We planted a tree!

Only your school fruit? Clear case of bullying.

I'm over 30 and I still invite all of my primary school class to my birthday parties.

Oh, that's lovely Flossie. But how does she find the time with advanced mandarin, quantum physics for tots and Tuavan throat singing lessons? No? I know, it's not for everyone.
And I'm so pleased you take such pride in your "advanced" accomplishments, which round were you knocked out in the county championships?
Dead how sweet. But as we told Vogue, Dd will have to wait till after Cambridge or her 16th birthday (whichever is first) till she takes them up on the cover shoot. That year building sustainable housing in Chile comes first.

My three year old has never had a tantrum. He has no need to, because we have always talked about feelings.

One didn't like to assume...

I think you mean obsequious tailor, not chainstore vanity sizing [sniff]

I'm five foot eleven, eight and a half stone and a size 12, OP - are you sure you're a size eight?

Maybe you shop in chain stores that use vanity sizing?

head tilt