Mumsnet Top Trumps

Really?

My burglar lives with us. I found her in my kitchen, stuffing my purse down her jacket at 3am and decided not to get judgey.

After all, that was just a snapshot of her day.

So, I rolled up my sleeves and decided to rehabilitate her myself.

She's now doing a degree in Criminology at the local redbrick Russell Group Uni (paid for by us, of course) and working as our au pair in the hols.

A couple of burglars broke in last night, with masks, guns, knives the lot.

I gave them the deathstare and they soon saw the error of their ways. One went and gave himself up at the police station, while the other called 101, to "get it logged". Then they treated me to a spa weekend

A celebrity? How lovely for you. Of course, I wouldn't actually know a celebrity if I met one because I have no interest in such things.

I once met a celebrity but I can't tell you who it was.

Totally outing myself here but I have 2 dc and live in the South East.
Off to change name again

GinBunny, you have gone too far!!!

I never RTFT. Since I have an innate sense of an OP's meaning I naturally jump to the end of a thread to dispense only wise and compassionate advice.

Lol at these. I love MN xx

I'm so clever that I graduated from Uni before I even started there.

Oxford of course.

Sorry. I have to ask. What's Mumsnet? Is it MaterNet for ordinary people?

LOL! I used to attend business weekend socials with the vairry, vairry naice wife of a colleague who claimed to have never tasted brown sauce or tomato ketchup. She also stared at my finger nails in horrified fascination and drawled 'Is that what they call a french manicure?" Yes, it was - obv I was basically a footballers wife.

I RTFT before commenting.

I have successfully campaigned for DS's school to change the boys' uniform to an Elsa dress. Anything else is horribly sexist, and besides DS won't be parted from his.

When I go to the supermarket I deliberately park as far away from the P and C parking spaces as possible, just to show my contempt for them, even if they are free. If I can't get my 6 month old triplets out of the car in a 2 inch gap, across the car park and in the supermarket while managing my four other pre-school children, I shouldn't really have had them in the first place.

this thread has made me wonder if the whole of mumsnet is infact a spoof:o

I own a kiln for making my own toilet bowls, thus negating the need for a toilet brush.

Whenever anyone uses the symbol, I shudder internally. Don't they know that perpetually increasing our visual exposure to such icons propagates the myth that such items are, in some way, beneficial and desirable?

I like to sit in a darkened room with some chill-filtered rain water, just to feel better after seeing one.

In stitches Quiet? Well that reminds me, personally I think stitches are a conspiracy by big pharma. When one of my family is bleeding from a deep wound we attend A&E just so that we can tell the doctors that we think they're wrong. Then we dress the wound with a bandage made of unbleached organic cotton dipped in unicorn tears, and we meditate.

This thread has had me in stitches. 😂

Sod breast is best. Mine had bleach in a bottle. Never did them any harm so I shall be recommending it for my future grandchildren too.

I've never taken a photo of my children because they're not old enough to consent. If they want to have their photos taken on their 18th birthday that's up to them, but until then it's the least I can do to protect them.

My DS 15 months was born walking and talking and learnt to read after I accidentally left a dictionary and thesaurus laying around. He's already read the complete works of Shakespeare and taught himself algebra.
I haven't weaned him yet though as breast is best til he starts uni in two weeks time.

I don't ever go on Facebook I didn't even know what it was until I heard it referred to on mumsnet.

If ever I have any kind of dilemma I always phone 101 for advice just to be on the safe side

I never see my GP or A&E as I don't want to be personally responsible for breaking the NHS. I recently stitched up my own leg in order to do my bit for the NHS.

I'm so cautious of making noise for my neighbours that my children and I have a noise free house from 6pm 8am where we get ready for bed in complete silence, and communicate using a chalkboard only.

I also wash all my towels three times a day regardless of whether they've been used, because I like to have fresh towels.

DH and I put fresh bedding on the bed every night, because u love to go to sleep in fresh bedding, then we set our alarms an hour before we intend to wake up so that we can strip the bed, put fresh bedding on, so that we can wake up in fresh bedding. The children do the same thing.

I don't mind washing and ironing all day because I'm a SAHM and its my duty to be superwoman.

My parents never took me to stately homes because I grew up in one.
My kids have never had a frootshoot and my house is always immaculate because I polish 5 times a day with 100% organic cotton dusters and homemade earwax.
My children are the gifted and talented children in a school for gifted and talented children.
I invented coffee.

I take my dog for one and a half hour walks three times a day. I mean, if you can't commit to at least that, you really shouldn't have a dog.

I buy vast quantities of balloons and flying paper lanterns just so I can dispose of them responsibly. Obviously I'm campaigning to end production but in the meantime, one just does as one can. I have over 100000 signatures on my change.org petition so far but I wouldn't be so crass as to ask you all to sign it.

I also volunteer as a grammar checker for Facebook. I read all available public posts and send messages, to anyone who has made an error, with helpful tips. I know they appreciate the support because the replies are always so eloquent and use such creative curses.