Mumsnet Top Trumps

I chose a simple timeless name for my ds. Now I've heard that my cousin in Australia (whose parents emigrated before I was born, so I've never met her) has chosen the same name for her son. My parents have been saving for several years for a holiday of a lifetime to go and visit my aunt and uncle (dm's sister, who she still misses terribly) this year. AIBU to insist that they cancel their holiday as they will almost certainly be introduced to the baby who shares their dgs's name. I feel like if they were in any way supportive of me they'd understand how hurt I am that someone I don't know has used my child's name.

I've been Marie Kondoing my home this weekend.

Having got rid of everything that doesn't bring me joy, I'm down to a spiralizer and a mooncup.

DH is having to sleep at work and the DC are camping out in the yurt for the foreseeable future.

GP seemed to think I was over reacting and said DS would 'probably' be alright .

Well, definitely phone him so he can log the incident, anyway.

I know, its not like me, I am normally such a perfect parent. I am clearly questioning this however as DS happily took the flapjack.

Hare

I'm not familiar with processed food but I think I read somewhere that if you accidentally ingest some the best antidote is something called an Egg McMuffin? Maybe you should phone your GP to check?

I feel sorry for your child.

Im sorry if this is not the right place to post but I have done something really stupid. I let DS eat a bought flapjack and now he says he doesnt feel very well. Shall I take him to a and e?

I start to prepare my feet for summer on Boxing Day.

I go down to the local artisan woodwork studio and ask them if I can borrow their belt sander.

Once I've taken nine layers of skin off, I prepare a footbath of sulphuric acid, malt vinegar and lemon juice. It smarts a little when I first pop them in, but I consider it positive pain and just breathe through it ( similarly to when I gave birth to anterior triplets without pain relief while squatting under a hedge).

I then smother my newly pink and shiny tootsies in several layers of yak butter, and wrap them in vine leaves until April.

They're like new when they come out, and by the end of May I can usually walk quite well.

((No one mention the dangers of reheated rice))

I've been thinking a lot about our carbon footprint and as a family we have made a concious decision to cut down our food intake and limit our intake of water, as it's such a precious resource. We allow ourselves 500 calories a day, vegan diet of course, and we only eat things that we can grow ourselves and, here is the important bit, they have to be able to survive in our allotment with no additional watering or feeding, because water is such a precious resource.

The adults in the family are only allowed to use the toilet once every 48 hours, and the children can use it daily. We flush on a Saturday.

That's so good of you Yvaine to have other family members with you and your children.

Personally I went NC with all RL persons other than DH once I gave birth. DD is just too precious and deserves every iota of my concentration. I don't want to sully her development by talking to anyone else.

We had a ming vase once but we felt it was cultural appropriation so we walked back to China ('carbon footprint' my vulva!) and gave it to some peasants.

My dd has identified as a head of broccoli and insists on singing greensleeves most of the time. It is very difficult for her to keep her organic odour as uneducated climate change deniers want to steam her. Dh has said she must never lose her stalk as he doesn't like the thought of purple sprouting sprogs appearing. However dd does have an A level in brassicaology and as she is just 5 should hang on to her tender stem for a while yet.

Our penis beaker is in fact a priceless Ming Vase. The water in which my very well endowed DH cleanses himself in, post our wonderful tantric sessions where of course we climax together, is sourced from the Himalayas and blessed by Tibetan Monks.

Sum?

Sorry, was helping my foetus with their ( avoiding gendered pronouns ) Kumon maths at the same time as posting.

They're never going to get all their exam papers written and lessons planned before my due date if I don't help out.

I'm an attachment parent.

I'm also an attachment wife, daughter and sister.

I have a massive sling, which I wove myself from nettle fibres grown in the garden.

II can comfortably fit three members of my family in it at any one time. It's a wonderful bonding experience for my DCs to be so close to their grandparents when we're out and about. Sometimes my elderly dad gets a bit grumpy, but I find if I hum sum whale song he soon settles down.

I never do any cleaning. I find it too dull, repetitive and mindless. There's so many more interesting things to do and I never seem to be in the mood for it. I won't have a cleaner as I hate having anyone in the house and it's so filthy (in an artsy, bohemian way) that they wouldn't be able to make any real difference, even if I could bear to put up with the intrusion. I suppose some people enjoy cleaning, but frankly my mind is on higher things.

When it all gets too much and my feet are sticking to the floor and the dcs are mistaking hair balls for the cats we simply sell up and buy a new property.

She's just turned 517.084 days.

(That's what lazy parents call 17 months.)

I am a crunchy parent. In fact I'm so crunchy that I hand stiched organic hemp flakes into all my undergarments to make myself an onomatopoeia.

I identify as an attachment parent although of course I hate labelling it to every single person who doesn't even ask me.

I'm so into it that I've never allowed myself to sleep, or even blink, since my DD was born. I insist I watch her at all times; DH agrees and does his fair share of holding my eyes open for me when I'm trying to do my 95% of the housework. I am a sahm after all.

As obviously 'breast is best' she is continuously latched on and only comes off to recite Shakespeare's sonnets.

She is allowed to crawl back into my womb for nap times.

I am a crunchy parent. In fact I'm so crunchy that I hand stiched organic hemp flakes into all my undergarments to make myself an onomatopoeia. This was DDs first word, incidentally, aged 2 months.
Now we only allow her to communicate in iambic pentameter.

So here goes, self confessed Music Mom here. We have got a quiet term this term on the music exams front.

DS1 has got his ABRSM grade 7 Double Bass but I worry he is not taking it all that seriously. I suppose after all it is his second study and he's already got his DipABRSM in the piano. (I hope you didn't miss the bit upthread when I mentioned my DS is 12?)

DD did her grade 6 Cello last term and got 135 (I hope given this readership that you all know this is of course a Distinction!) so this term we are just chilling out and we're starting on some ensemble playing (String Quartet for weddings etc). She has watched Young Musician of the Year ( god how I burn for one of my kids to win THAT one of these years ) and is now OBSESSED with the sax so we'll be giving that a go, she'll prob start straight at grade 4.

[Did I mention DD is 9?]

DS2 is making cracking progress on the horn and is already second Horn of the Junior Orchestra at the RCM. [Did I mention DS2 is 7?]

Worked out that this year I have spent £29,000 on instruments, lessons and petrol transporting them to lessons/orchestra. And that's before you factor in the VW Transporter Van we are about to buy to accommodate the Double Bass and the Cello. Thank god DS2 doesn't play the Tuba, that's all I can say!

Good luck to all DCs taking exams this term ( especially if they are older and yet still at lower grades than mine! )

I never allow shower gels, soap or 'feminine cleansers' near my delcate lady area. Even tap water is far too harsh - it contains chlorine, after all.

Instead, I rise at dawn, strip off on the front lawn, do the horizontal splits and then scootch my undercarriage along the (organic, chemical-free) grass by dragging myself with my hands. The morning dew is a very effective, safe and environmentally friendly cleanser.

Of course, one does have to be extremely flexible to employ this method. I find Pilates helps.

The occasional (chemical-free) thistle encounter ensures one is invigorated, alert and ready to start the day.