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Original poster

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
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TheMums · 08/05/2016 10:44

We are occassionally invited to weddings of children of people we know, only casually in the street and and asked for 'no wrapped gifts,'. At first we thought it was because they would be moving abroad and needed to,present them at customs etc, but we later determined it meant cash, and not on,y cash, but the hundred of guests invited were expected to fund their future. We gave cash, quite generously, the the daughter brought the new baby around!

LagunaBubbles · 08/05/2016 10:42

There is a facility to highlight the OPs posts a different colour, it would then become obvious that the cheque had been cashed!

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/05/2016 10:41

Also can I say a big thank you to everyone who's held my hand through this ... nobody can change what's been done, but at least we've had a few laughs along the way and it's saved me from the alternatives of rocking in a corner or bashing my head against a wall. MN support at its finest!!

Oh, and I'll visit the bank first thing tomorrow to cancel the cheque Grin

OP posts:
SkinnyChips · 08/05/2016 10:40

Cheque has been cashed,
OP can you check your bank statement to find out when the grabby newlyweds cashed your cheque? First business after the wedding day and defo before the email!!

claireandtony · 08/05/2016 10:39

I can't believe anyone would be so rude. Is there any chance they meant that the £100 was too generous and just worded it very, very badly?

mummylove2monsters · 08/05/2016 10:38

Wow - just wow ?!!!?! Was the message just to you or was it a generic message to a number of guests ? If other people received the same one then I imagine they will be just as baffled as you - £100 ?!!!! That's a very generous cheque and I would cancel it without further ado !!!!! Bless you - how horrid !!!

Bella2008 · 08/05/2016 10:37

You were very generous with your gift . This behaviour is the reason they are ex-colleagues and not very good friends. It is a pity they are so rude. Just ignore them and get on with your life don't and waste your time replying. Don't let them upset you.

Susan

TheMums · 08/05/2016 10:35

Tell her you made a huge mistake, that in light of your recent windfall, it should have been for £'10, 000, since you gave fond memories of her whining by the water cooler.
Tell her her that you want to give it to her in cash, as you noticed she preferred that at the reception.
Ask her to return your erroneous check so that you can correct your error.

Nathfr · 08/05/2016 10:35

It is incredible how entitled & rude people can be. Cancel the cheque.
I would not even respond.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/05/2016 10:34

Don't worry, "Mrs Indiscreet" is harder to offend than that, and anyway she's very much in on the joke Smile

I imagine I'll still hear about anything bride says, but then what CAN she say? All this was ever intended to be was a nice gift and she's turned it into something unpleasant which is a crying shame

I'm frankly surprised that on such a huge, diverse group as MN everyone's said more or less the same thing; if told I'd done something wrong I hope I'd have accepted it, but hundreds of folk basically agreeing must say something

I really didn't see this coming and now it has I'm not going to concern myself over what people think of her; she chose her own actions and she'll have to live with them

OP posts:
YoureSoSlyButSoAmI · 08/05/2016 10:33

I so hope the insanely ungrateful and grabby bride finds this thread!

Hey Bride! Yes - you! You're a laughing stock! Within a week, everyone you know will be referring to you as "That cheeky bitch who demanded more money from her wedding guest" 😄

Enjoy 😄

WhatamessIgotinto · 08/05/2016 10:31

You could just stop the cheque. (Sorry Smile)

Lweji · 08/05/2016 10:28

"Cancel the cheque" will become a new MN meme, won't it?

SkinnyChips · 08/05/2016 10:26

Brilliant thread, people will never cease to amaze me!! Op you don't need ungrateful entitled and incredibly rude friends like that no one does!

WhatTheActualFugg · 08/05/2016 10:25

For those who are new round these parts...

SHE'S CASHED THE CHEQUE!

WhatTheActualFugg · 08/05/2016 10:24

Yes, OP. What are you moaning about? Just STOP THE CHEQUE

GrinGrin

Please unblock her.... pretty please...

I'm wondering if maybe we scared off the Daily Fail Journos yr 10 work experience for good? Confused

Teddybe4r · 08/05/2016 10:22

Great idea. Tell them to RETURN your initial cheque, saying you had "reconsidered" the amount you had given and would like to AMEND the cheque amount for them (use this wording).

Then, AMEND the cheque to £1 and resend the cheque to them, with NO explanation, no covering letter, just the cheque for £1. Hopefully, you should not hear from them again - well....would you want to? I certainly wouldn't!!

linzm1985 · 08/05/2016 10:22

Wow! I'd have stopped the check 😂
I felt too cheeky to even request money for my wedding gifts, so I let people buy what they wanted and ended up with a couple of £10 gift cards, a blender, 4 pair of champagne flutes, 6 pairs of mugs and 12 photo frames lol I didn't complain

achapman · 08/05/2016 10:21

It sounds like you were only invited to the wedding in the expectation that they would get a stonking present in return.
So now you know that they are only fair weather friends.

Lweji · 08/05/2016 10:21

Stop the cheque! That's it.
At least it isn't to cancel it.

Grin
Oatplum · 08/05/2016 10:21

That's outrageous!!! I would completely ignore them and yes cancel the cheque. They don't deserve a penny of your money!!

jacqroberts68 · 08/05/2016 10:15

Wow! Just wow. How blooming rude can you be? I'd stop the cheque

NiceViper · 08/05/2016 10:14

"I would respond. I am sorry my gift offended, please feel free to return it.

Snag with that is that bride didn't see it as a gift, she saw it as a contribution

It isn't actually compulsory to provide a wedding present, though it's nigh on universal practice. But it's not necessary to provide a 'contribution' to attend an event unless they are doing something clear about what is needed (like selling tickets) beforehand.

kaitlinktm · 08/05/2016 10:11

I wondered that too MTPurse. Hope she isn't upset.

MTPurse · 08/05/2016 10:08

I wonder how Mrs indiscreet feels about being called Mrs indiscreet Grin

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