Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

twocultures
That's brilliant! pmsl

I have some doubts about the Irish rules being debated

I'm not arguing that the amounts I quoted are most typical. But the amount isn't what shocks me, it's that any amount is expected to "cover" you attendance.

Giving money is totally optional here, and usually given by older close relatives. it's not something everyone feels they have to do which is why people who WANT money write those god awful poems

This is beyond outrageous. Cancel the cheque.

Dum, have I got this right, you're upset that people won't attend a party in another country?

OP
You've got some great replies here
Please use at least some of them

Bugger! Look, I'm old, just celebrated my 60th birthday and Silver Wedding anniversary. We didn't care what people gave us for our wedding, it was enough that people cared enough to be there to enjoy our day with us. I am currently organising a celebration for many things, which amount to 166 years, and there is no way we want gifts, but I am really upset that many of my family and friends who were at our wedding/have known me most of my life, cannot be arsed to make the effort to attend the party which we are hosting in a different country from where I was born and which I told them about almost a year ago. Some of them have good reasons. Others do not, and they are the ones with whom I am upset.
Your former colleague is being outrageous. Ignore her. Shame you can't cancel the cheque. Otherwise, just send another one for 1 penny, perhaps?

Sorry but reading this post i can't help but wanna send her another card which says " I am so sorry you thought my gift was inadequate, silly me I just realised there was one more thing I was meaning to give you but forgot to take it with me on your big day, I hope this will now be considered an acceptable adjustment. Enjoy!" And send them this...

I have some doubts about the Irish rules being debated. We went to a family wedding in Ireland last year. Me, my DH and our two grown up, student DDs. AFter some debate we put €200 euro in the card. The thank you note thanked for our very generous gift..and I don't think they were being sarcastic.

I would have to reply in order to find out how much money she expects you to shell out. Could you ask for a guideline figure before cutting her out of your life?

Matthew Wright are you reading this?

This is amazing OP.
I'm amused and horrified at their utter rudeness.

I think you should craft a very concerned and earnestly helpful email to them, explaining that you think someone has hacked into their email account or is pretending to be them, and that they have sent you an awful email, asking for a further contribution to the wedding present fund. Obviously you know that they didn't write the bizarre and outrageous message, so who did? Is everything OK etc.

Or just email them saying that you can't be friends with them anymore, because they are massive twats.

That is so fucking rude.

I generally avoid confrontation but in this instance I would have to send something back.

Something about not actually being obliged to give a present and how she's undoubtedly lost a LOT of friends by being so rude!

And as an FYI I gave a nice photo frame the last wedding I went to as it cost me enough for everything else. £100 is a lot.

Screenshot, redact and send it on to Buzzfeed/Daily Fail/wherever and let them discover it when it goes viral. Weddings do strange things to people, but this really takes the cake!

The OP's said now that the cheque has been cashed. No thanks at all - that is really shocking.

but can't help wondering if leaving them to their own appalling manners isn't the best option in the end?

Yes.
Absolutely.

Or email her a link to this thread

Why on earth are they sending 'thank you' emails anyway?! How lazy. I spent a whole day writing personal thank you letters to the people who attended our wedding. It was the least I could flipping do.

Has she sent the email to any of your mutual friends who were at the wedding OP?

You should choose your friends more carefully, Screen wink. I'm Irish, and believe me; that's a greedy bastard thing, not an Irish thing.

I said I don't know if it's typical, but ThumbWitch has heard of this trend even if the amounts are different

I was really shocked when one of my friends who doesn't have much was talking about being invited to (not close) colleagues weddings and having to pay. When one of my colleagues invites work people it's usually cards only from individuals and a joint gift from everyone (£5/£10 each)

My friends aren't grabby, I could turn up to their weddings with the clothes on my back, they talk about what they have to bring to other people's weddings over there

Seriously - get into the bank and cancel that cheque ASAP. How disgustingly rude

I am

What goes on in someone's mind that they think that is acceptable? It really intrigues me as to the rest of their character - what sort of TV do they watch/what are their political views/what do they do on a weekend, that sort of thing.

This will be in the Daily Mail tomorrow

I would reply and say that, following her unbelievablely rude email the only adjustment you'd like to make would be to have cancelled the cheque but, as that isn't possible due to her haste in cashing it, you'll settle for never having contact with her again.

Hang on, hang on, you gave £100, one hundred British Pound Sterling, to acquaintances and they are moaning about it??!

I am aghast.
My ghast has been well and truly flabbered.

I so would cancel the cheque.
Without any further comment.
And I would cut them out of my life in every way practical.

I think I'd reply saying you think they've emailed the wrong person. 'This message can't have been intended for me, as I gave you £100 and you can't possibly be telling me that that's not enough? I'm not sure which guest you meant to message, but I thought I should point out your mistake.'
Only a massive arsehole would reply saying that yes, they did mean £100 is not good enough. Although she's already proved that she is one by not thanking you.

Oh I think this would be worth reopening your Facebook account, OP. So you went alone and gave £100? Would you be able to ask other friends what they gave?