Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

Off the beaten track - another part of the forum

I think you just have to talk to your colleague. When you've calmed down (I'd be incandescent in your shoes) could you speak to her, 'more in sorrow than anger' - seriously - give her some obviously much-needed life advice. That what she has done is not just the height of bad manners, but is seriously damaging to her and her reputation.

If you say all this in a concerned voice with a maybe she might take some notice.

You've got nothing to lose, because there's no way you'd want to keep her as even an acquaintance after such behaviour.

I wondered if your cheque had fallen out and this was her "having a go" for not giving her anything, but you say the cheque has been cashed

A simple reply,"you actually think that £100 is not enough? Why?"

Don't say anymore, don't lower yourself to being rude, get her to justify why an ex colleagues gift of £100 isn't enough.

I can't believe it!

On the how-much-to-give-in-Ireland tangent. While the €100 per person, €150 per couple is usual. It's not expected. When I got married (right at the height of the Celtic tiger craziness) a few gave that, a few chose off the wedding list (which had values from €10 and up), and one lovely friend who had saved for 6 months to be able to come, and who couch surfed for accommodation, gave me, DH, baby DD, matching socks in the colours of the country where I had met her (and DH). I can tell you which present made me smile every time I saw them...

Or just go back with a:

"I am so sorry for the oversight. Please do let me know how much you deem reasonable to gift and I will ensure I get this issue sorted urgently."

Sorting the issue of course would be plastering their response anywhere public to show them for the grabby cunts they are.

thatorchidmoment :o

"Away from me I implore you to drift"

Best line of poetry ever and something I would like to say to a number of acquaintances/relatives.

OP can't cancel the cheque.

She has said twice that it has been cashed.

I think you should reply and try and find out how much they think is appropriate!!

I got married in the UK, not the country of my origin.
My family and friends made a massive effort to be there on our big day and I was so, so touched and happy that they did.
Any present they gave us was entirely optional and the smallest candle holder was much appreciated.

Grabby and greedy is really an understatement here.

On reflection, I think I might email "You MUST be kidding?!" back to her with no other comment and then never speak to them again.

Please tell us how you will react to this once you have decided

Rudest thing ive ever heard
Please cancel cheque and buy us all cakes

I favour the "Here is a cheque tightly rolled for you to ram up your arse" suggestion made above.

Just reply and say (with no preamble or sign-off, i.e no 'Dear Jane' or anything)

Is this email for real?

I don't think the 'Is this email meant for me' response is appropriate because, as you've identified, the email is not acceptable for anyone, even if they only gave £5.

But they could have taken your cheque, duplicated it down to the details on it (cheque numbers etc) and then used the original to copy your handwriting and signature.

What's OTBT?

This is jaw dropping, she should be ashamed. You know what to 'adjust' it to.

Well she wasn't so pissed off that she didn't probably just about trip over herself to cash it, was she?

I'd def reactivate a FB account!

I can't belive that some people are so unaware.

I'd love to ask her how much she thinks that you should "adjust" by!

I can't believe that some people think that you should cover the cost of the meal.

The meal we had with the people that we wanted there was just part & parcel of our cost of celebrating our wedding as we wanted to.

Not some expense to be recouped!

puzzledandpissedoff

change your username to something like puzzledandpissedoffandthemailarecunts

otherwise you might find your thread screenshotted and posted in lieu of real journalism

puzzled the daily mail/Mathew Wright have formed for taking threads of mumsnet and using them - hence the references.

If you don't want it to come up MNHQ may move it to OTBT maybe??

That's the rudest thing I've ever heard! And £100 was massively generous, especially to an ex-work colleague, bloody hell. I think I would be super nice and apologetic to try to get her to send the £100 back somehow, on the promise of a more suitable replacement, and once you got it back, the replacement is 1p or a picture of your middle finger or arse. But I suspect there's no chance of her giving back the money in the hopes of more, as she knows she's rude as fuck, she's just thought 'what have I got to lose'. Obviously a friend, but that's clearly of no consequence to her. I would tell all your mutual friends as well, just so they don't waste any more money on the grabby gits.

In fact, I wouldn't even worry about keeping the moral high ground because they have entered another stratosphere with their behaviour. Publically calling them out will still leave you on much higher ground than them, and that is saying something.

Is this true? I'm generally reasonably understanding of people's RL foibles, but I'd be cancelling the cheque. Or laughing in their faces at work - can you go into their office, and just ask if this is a late April Fool.

And then never speak to them again.

I'm imagining either the bride or groom posting on another forum somewhere, saying "We massively overspent on our wedding and now we don't have enough money to pay the final bills for it. How can we squeeze a bit more cash out of the guests without seeming too grabby?".

Obviously the other forum (which probably exists only in my head) gave them some really duff advice!

I also hope this is true and that your reply does the rounds on Facebook.

Apologise for your shortfall and ask how much she would like.

Cancel the £100 cheque.

Resend a cheque for 1p.