Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

Greast response, OP, very dignified.
I salute you.

I would not be able to let his lie. I would have to send a very rude reply that ended with something like "and 220 Mumsnetters agree with me!"

It's utterly shocking. I worry about people like this. Where is their moral compass?

Good reply OP! I hope you're not put off updating us by lazy fuckers who can't do their jobs properly (Wright stuff/mail "journos")

Name change and keep posting please

Placemarking for a response - that's a perfect email OP. £100 from a single guest is as generous as anyone was at our wedding aside from relatives.

Well done for the restrained reply! Very classy. Can't wait to see what you get in response.

please send them the book twocultures suggested!

lcoc2015

That's really sad that people don't attend because they can't bring the "done" contribution! I'ld have hated that as a bride, the idea that people might not feel able to come

I am dying to know how she could justify such an outrageous ask!!

X post nice reply PAPO. I like it.

I was going to say ignore the rude cunts, but I like your response.

Cross-post sorry. Yes - nothing to be gained from knowing if others have received similar emails but I am just curious!! LOVE your reply - what a stinger!!

floggingmolly Well, the bride and groom at the very least (assuming its a marriage between a man and woman which I guess is also not definite!)

I was not just talking about the post-wedding invite but also the suggestion that the bride only invited OP because she knew about the money. Could have been the groom's instigation. I hadn't seen anything to suggest that the ex-colleague was a bride and not a groom and I was partly wondering if I'd missed another response form the OP clarifying things.

Good email OP.

PLEASE update us when she replies

More front than Blackpool.

Have you asked any of the other guests if they have had similar emails? The grabbiness of this is beyond ghastly. What awful, awful people.

This is all so bizarre.

As the cheque has been cashed and money recieved to then send an email saying "i think you need to give me more money" post wedding is just flat out begging and irrelevant to the original gift! Not that you'd criticise an amount beforehand either!

You wouldn't say this to your best friend nevermind a former colleague regardless of how personally wealthy they are. I have a well off friend I wouldn't dream of asking her for me or expecting a specific sum as a gift.

I've got nothing to add that hasn't been said just placemarking to find out how this goes

give her some obviously much-needed life advice

No, no, no - don't go for a grown up response. MN demands a PA knock-out blow.

OP- think of your public and poor, starving DM hacks

WriteforFun1
Yes. I live on another continent than Europe, as do some of my family. The party is in a popular destination in Europe and the people whom I'm upset about will be in Europe round about the date of the party, so I chose the date with them specifically in mind. They were given 9 months' warning of the date. I am legitimately off-pissed.
I still think the OP should send a second cheque for a penny.

I would email back but BCC any mutual friends in so they are able to see the email for themselves or send a glitter bomb as the extra :P

That is entitled and grabby. It;s a gift not an obligation and many people wouldn't have given so much to an ex colleague.

'What amount do you feel would adequately reflect the warmth of my good wishes? My pen is poised over my chequebook.'

Meanwhile I'd be contacting some of the others who were at the wedding to ask who else received an email (because if you got one having given £100 I suspect most people will have got one).

Yes agree "in Ireland its 150 euro per couple usually. 200+ if its a close family member (brother/sister) or best friend. 100 for a single person. And you dont need any other gift"

As one of the other posters mentioned it is quite a lot. I've often turned down wedding invites as can't quite cover the cost of hotel, hen, clothing plus gift. I wouldn't attend and not give the cash gift as i know people budget assuming they'll get at least 50 euro per person back in cash. Very impolite but have also heard a number of convos about people not giving gifts or giving very small cash amounts so wouldnt like to be talked of like that.

When i dont attend i would send a small physical gift as a wedding present.

Weddings in Ireland tend to be ridiculously expensive affairs often running to 2 days these days.

I suspect this will already have been swiped the watching journos and researchers. If that's not your bag, op, then I'd suggest dignified silence and an end to your association. Block and delete as the young ones say! Or something like that.

screenshot money has always been a really popular gift here. It means people dont have to put any thought into a gift whatsoever! That's why it's pretty open (and liinyo that's why they were grateful - they were expecting 150 max, particularly as you'd travelled so far just to share their day). People can budget accordingly and it's all pretty obvious.

If you actively don't want money you do a wedding list in a shop and ask people to use that for gifts instead. Simples.

It's not grabby when your guests are going to do it anyway!

It actually seems to make less complicated as you don't get these butthurt brides who had bizarre expectations that are completely outside the cultural norm!

What is most horrifying about this is the time that has clearly been spent by the bride/groom to write that very carefully worded sentence. It's REALLY well crafted and well written, not something you'd dash off in a hurry. This is a cold, calculated move.