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Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
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PeppaIsMyHero · 06/05/2016 14:48

I am speechless!

Great response. Keeps posted...

PotterBot · 06/05/2016 14:46

She sounds like someone who wanted I make the maximum amount of cold hard cash out of her wedding.

CrazyDuchess · 06/05/2016 14:44

I must admit I have to keep reading your opening post as I am stunned!!! Just stunned

picklypopcorn · 06/05/2016 14:43

Love the reply! Grin I hope she replies!

PaniWahine · 06/05/2016 14:43

Im disgusted but not surprised...

We live in Ireland and were invited to the 'Afters' of one of my OHs colleagues, a concept I'd never heard of until Ireland. Not being Irish either of us, I didn't know the protocol so gave some crystal flutes and a gift card for €50. Later gossip got back to me that we had been marked down as 'cheap', and so we weren't invited to the Afters of the next colleague to get married.

In contrast we went to the wedding of a close friend in Preston; flew over, two nights in a hotel, rental car etc. We gave £250 in a card. They approached us at the end of the night in a quiet moment to thank us for our (in their words) "very generous gift" and offered to give some of it back as they thought we had given too much!

The Afters thing bugs me! In Australia and New Zealand, you're either invited to the wedding or you're not, and the bar is paid for. Some couples have BBQ after the honeymoon but there's none of this "You're a 'B grade' friend, you can only come to dance" crap

FrogletinaBallerina · 06/05/2016 14:43

I have read this thread and am Shock the cheek of the bride is awful. Great email response by you OP.

SayAGreatBigThankyou · 06/05/2016 14:42

Brilliant response, OP. I bet she responds.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 14:41

She was a bit what you might call "pushy" as a colleague, but nothing that would suggest something like this. To be fair, though, it's a while since I worked with her every day, though we stayed in contact - I later worked for myself and have, as I say, since retired

In all honesty I was a bit surprised even to get the invitation, but I'm a sucker for weddings anyway and genuinely wanted to wish them well. Probably I should have worked out what the clear motivation was ... Hmm

OP posts:
AdrenalineFudge · 06/05/2016 14:40

I'd tell them to fuck off.

I haven't rtft but why does an ex-colleague know about your inheritance?

horseygeorgie · 06/05/2016 14:40

Unbelievable.

daisydukes34 · 06/05/2016 14:38

Surely this can't be real Hmm

EarthboundMisfit · 06/05/2016 14:38

I woulds reply saying that your are utterly gobsmacked by then email, and them have nothing to do with them in future.

PotterBot · 06/05/2016 14:38

I am literally aghast at this. There are no words except give me my money back you grabby bitch perhaps.

And that has viral written all over it. I'll happily share it on Facebook.

Summerblaze100 · 06/05/2016 14:36

Brilliant response. Absolutely shocked at how entitled people are getting. What is the world coming to.

StayAChild · 06/05/2016 14:35

Well done OP. Short, but conveys your horror perfectly.

Some funny retaliation suggestions here, but personally I would be really upset at the begging email, so wouldn't want to escalate it any further, other than to say exactly what you have in your reply. I wouldn't furnish them with another minute of my time. Enjoy your retirement. Flowers

Divathecat · 06/05/2016 14:33

Great email!

weirdsister · 06/05/2016 14:33

Was she just as rude and self-entitled when you worked with her op? She sounds like a shocker.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 06/05/2016 14:33

Is she a daily mail reader? They may well shame her for you

flanjabelle · 06/05/2016 14:32
Shock
Custardcream33 · 06/05/2016 14:30
Shock

Please share their reply, if you get one, OP.

5608Carrie · 06/05/2016 14:29

If they did Didl I don't think they will have many friends left.

I think I would have replied lol

theDudesmummy · 06/05/2016 14:28

I would just never ever talk to these people again. This makes me wonder, in real old lady style, what the world is coming to. I have never heard of anything so rude.

diddl · 06/05/2016 14:27

It reads as if they might have sent it to everyone with the hope of some stumping up more.

Booboostwo · 06/05/2016 14:25

Send her a biscuit. An old, stale biscuit.

Roussette · 06/05/2016 14:25

OP can't cancel the cheque, why do people keep saying to do that when the OP has said it's been cashed?

I would write along the lines of...

Dear Grabby Fucker

I am astounded and actually quite hurt that you felt it necessary to write to me because you felt £100 wasn't enough as a wedding gift. You haven't even thanked me for that! I am not sure if you are referring in your email to my recent small inheritance, or whether you judge your wedding gifts by each guest and the amount of money they have, but needless to say I will not be sending you more money.

There is such a thing as courtesy, manners and friendliness and in light of your extremely rude email I think it best that we cut contact from this moment on.

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