Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

I got married in the country I now live in and I was so grateful that people managed to come over. I actually contacted people before and told them we didn't expect gifts or cash as we knew the cost of flights and whatnot was more than high enough (I paid for a few peoples flights as I knew they were skint.)

100 quid is very generous- we got barely any gifts for our wedding !

I'd be plastering her email over every social media outlet I could find. The very cheek of them!

It could be true. I once took part in a radio phone-in about weddings. One FotB said he had written to two couples to cancel their invites as the gifts were inadequate for they type of wedding he was providing.

It's not even a friend, Queen. She's just a woman the OP worked with.

This is just astonishingly rude.
That would be a very swift end to our friendship if I had received that email.

The cheque has been cashed so it can't be cancelled.

I think Puzzled it was just so unbelievable people reported - hell i thought it was made up......

You defo learn something new every day here on MN!

I was going to suggest the FB idea too just speechless

the trolling remark was because lots of people were doubting it was true, so had presumably reported the thread.

I would cancel the cheque and give that £100 to maybe a charity who would be very grateful. I think that's appalling behaviour. I won't use the word manners because that email doesn't even register on the scale off bad to good manners !!!

Like weddings anywhere you'll have grabby fuckers and people who would be happy with an inexpensive gift, its not limited to Irish.

The norm in Ireland is to give money in a card, granted, but only the crassest of folk would ever mention anything other than a sincere thank you for your generous gift. It is not the norm to approach a guest afterwards and ask them for more money or to badmouth them.

I plan on having a no-gifts, no-cash policy on my wedding. Weddings are expensive enough for people to get dressed up for, travel to and maybe organise a babysitter or pay for an overnight stay. I just genuinely want my friends to come and share my day. I would be upset if my wedding caused any friend or family member financial hardship in even the smallest way.

that is all. I look forward to hearing if you get a response OP. If not I would go on Facebook - I've never used it but assume you can put up a message which she and everyone can see saying how appalled you were to receive her e-mail with no word of thanks for your gift of 100 pounds but suggesting you should increase the amount. I think you should name and shame.

My husband's mum's next door neighbour (who was invited to the evening bit of our wedding) gave us the most hideous biscuit barrel shaped like a dog. But we were charmed that she had bought us a gift, it was really sweet of her. And years down the line, the biscuit barrel is still going strong and my daughter actually loves it.

I can't believe that anyone would have the gall to demand more money from wedding guests!

Are there really people like this out there?? Surely this is a one-off!

I am well and truly flabbed

great pomes on here though.

Puzzled I don't think anyone's suggesting that's such a response from her would be reasonable, just that it's the kind of justification you might expect from someone who would dare send an email like this in the first place!

See, we are going to have some issues paying the mortgage for a few months. Maybe I'll throw my DH a 50th birthday party and invite people we know who have been recently bereaved...... [ponders]

Place marking. This out does sushi thrower outer.

You shouldn't feel bad about going not realising her intentions, I love weddings and got invited to a colleagues wedding simply because she knew how much I'd love it - I would hope most people anyone considers a friends first thought was 'they remember how much I like weddings' not 'what do they want'
I hope you had a fabulous day, its a shame her behaviour has resulted in a slight cloud over the day but don't ever thing you should have seen this coming

How very odd - it is so rude as to be beyond belief. I would certainly cancel the cheque if you still can. This has to be a wind-up - it is not possible that anyone could be so ungrateful.

My nephew has just married and we sent him £50 towards his honeymoon. It seemed reasonable to us, according to our financial situation and the fact that we have not seen him since he was a tot. Have we had a thank you? - no.

This:

Sorry that you thought us stingy,
But your email's rather whingy.
On the whole, I must conclude,
Better tight than fucking rude.

Is a classic!

*What's all this 'Irish weddings' shite?

We are actually individuals who, wait for it, do things differently to each other.*

Indeed walter

I'm amazed at all this "word got back to me/I've heard of people being talked about as being cheap". I already told my sock story up the thread, but I've yet to hear anyone criticise what a guest at their wedding gave (even if it was nothing at all) with the exception of the weird plate/ugly glasses that a random aunt gave, but I think they are a right of passage to be honest

Some weddings and brides did go a bit off the rails during the Celtic Tiger years. But most people were still pretty normal.

I am completely gobsmacked by this and not at all marking my place to see if she replies to your reply

Great reply. I would be tempted to send another: 'Oh Friend, I have been thinking about your email and am so embarrassed. What amount did you think suitable?'

Then post her a cheque for ten million pounds and sign it Micky Mouse.

It truly doesn't matter about offending this cheeky, greedy mare. It's not as if she is your friend any more, is it? And definitely reinstate your FB and post it there with a query as to how much other people think you should have given. This woman deserves public shaming.

And I would be sorely tempted to send her a link to this thread.