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Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
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Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 17:12

Something else I'm not sure about - though it hardly matters now - is the timing of this request. I don't want to give an identifying date, but the wedding/honeymoon took place a few weeks ago and I can't help wondering why now?

Since I hope not to see her again I guess it's unanswerable and I'm just thinking out loud, but if someone was going to do something like this I'd have thought it would be sooner rather than later - after allowing time for the cheque to go through, of course?

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 06/05/2016 17:11
Shock

I've just read the whole thread with my jaw on the floor.

Good, restrained response OP.

ratspeaker · 06/05/2016 17:08

I'd be tempted to email back along the lines of
" as you were unhappy with my gift please return it asap and I'll see about giving you something more appropriate"

Then send a print out of this thread back, after all it's priceless

RuggerHug · 06/05/2016 17:06

BerylStreep I'm in Ireland and unfortunately have been to more weddings than I can count. Unfortunately a lot of people do factor in the 'tariff / admission cost' in what they're planning. Personally I hate it. I didn't go to a long time close friends wedding in Oct because no way I could afford to attend and have a gift. Let her know as soon as I had the invite (politely), sent a card after with a gift that I could afford, Christmas card after and all. I have been blatantly frozen out/ignored since she realised I wasn't attending or could send the required amount .
Sorry to derail thread!

lostlalaloopsy · 06/05/2016 17:03

OMG! I cannot believe the nerve of some people - cheeky, cheeky fuckers!!

Pisssssedofff · 06/05/2016 17:01

Am genuinely speechless

Vardyparty · 06/05/2016 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmyview · 06/05/2016 16:56

Anyway I'm seeing some folk over the weekend who were also at the wedding, so I'll do a bit of gentle fishing around whether they've heard from her recently.

OP - if they have heard from her, I have no doubt you'll hear about it !

DidYouBINmysushiyouTWAT · 06/05/2016 16:55

..OR...
Send her a fiver and ask for change.

DidYouBINmysushiyouTWAT · 06/05/2016 16:54

Oh I believe this alright!

I think don't even bother replying- grabby shits!

Send them some sushi - second class

Vardyparty · 06/05/2016 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerylStreep · 06/05/2016 16:52
Shock

I'm in Ireland, and I've never heard of this supposed tariff for attending weddings to cover costs.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 06/05/2016 16:51

i think you need to watch this marriage like a hawk...the moment they start divorce proceedings then you must ask for a refund.

:o

FeralBeryl · 06/05/2016 16:47
Shock Send her a box of glue, she's obviously on it! Nevermind your 'gentle fishing' either, we need you to show them the email and ask if they got one too Grin
LineyReborn · 06/05/2016 16:46

The cheque has been cashed and cannot be cancelled.

Hersetta427 · 06/05/2016 16:45

Cheeky bastards. Cancel the cheque. I am flabbergasted by the rudeness.

BoopTheSnoot · 06/05/2016 16:44

I was grateful to everyone who came to my wedding, regardless of gifts. We didn't get married for the presents. Our guests made our day just by attending, they really did.
I'd be so hurt to receive an email like that, and I don't think the B&G would be friends of mine anymore after displaying such disgusting manners!

Janey50 · 06/05/2016 16:43

And funny how she very conveniently cashed the chequebefore calling you out about the so-called shortfall.

BumWad · 06/05/2016 16:43

Omg shocking behaviour!

Pseudo341 · 06/05/2016 16:42

Okay so I've now read the rest of the thread and see the cheque's been cashed, bugger!

I think she only invited you because she wanted a chunk of your new found wealth. Given that your bridges are burned anyway I'd be sorely tempted to forward that email to any mutual acquaintances you have.

LineyReborn · 06/05/2016 16:42

The OP has confirmed a number of times that the cheque has been cashed and cannot be cancelled.

StrictlyMumDancing · 06/05/2016 16:42

Wow - awesome grabbiness.

When I got married I did it to get married, not for presents. I'm sure there were people who didn't buy us anything. I can't even name them, it mattered that they were there not what they gave us.

Tate15 · 06/05/2016 16:38

I've only just read the OP, so reading that at Face value I would allow the cheque of £100 to be cashed as that is what you originally gifted before discovering what a complete cunt she is then do not engage in any further communication with her. Just block her completely out of your life.

Or

Publish her email on Facebook, Twitter, send to the daily mail etc and make her a laughing stock up and down the country.

The sheer audacity of her writing to you in that obnoxious manner makes me believe she has no manners, is full of herself and is a nasty cow.

Cantusethatname · 06/05/2016 16:38

My mouth is hanging open.
Can you stop the cheque?

RedToothBrush · 06/05/2016 16:37

Can't you send an invoice for your:

Time
Outfit
Travel Expenses
Accommodation
And Appearance Fee

THEN cancel the cheque

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