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Original poster

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
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NeverbuytheDailyMail · 06/05/2016 18:12

Shit... I am from the UK but went to a wedding in Dublin about five years ago (friends of DH) and I think we bought some vouchers for a high street department store. Am now wondering if we made a MASSIVE faux pas in not giving them cash to cover the cost of our meal etc???!!! Blush I have NEVER given cash for wedding gift - either vouchers or something off the list!

Strokethefurrywall · 06/05/2016 18:11

See, I think this level of cheek deserves a phone call.

A direct and to the point "Hello Bride, it's Puzzled here. About that text...(pause) care to explain?" and then see what she blurts out.

No way I'd be able to wait for a text response.

MySordidCakeSecret · 06/05/2016 18:10

glitter bomb the bitch.

liberatedwine · 06/05/2016 18:06

I hope someone she knows shows her this thread. I can't believe that anyone would write such a rude demanding email. Do you think she was drunk when she wrote it?

Roussette · 06/05/2016 18:04

If they are this grabby, there is no way they will have muddled up who gave what. People like that will know to the penny how much each person gave.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 18:03

They've already been, Rae - two weeks in an exotic destination, apparently paid for by her PIL's (or so they said at the reception)

Got to nip out for an hour soon - will update if I hear any more later tonight, of course

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 06/05/2016 17:59

Are they going on honeymoon? If so and she replies with anything other than an apology, I'd be tempted to say:

"Of course, I can see now that you were expecting more. Could you let me know your flight numbers and hotel name please?"

... Make her think you're paying for a first class upgrade, and then do precisely nothing and enjoy the thought of her anticipation coming to nothing.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 17:59

No I don't know her parents, and I honestly can't see how it was some jokey reference to something I sent; after all money's money, and the card (nice enough, I thought) was pretty standard

OP posts:
Narp · 06/05/2016 17:58

I consider myself to be fairly mature and able to manage my emotional responses, but this one would result in a

"Fuck you, you rude, ungrateful cow"

from me

TormundGiantsbabe · 06/05/2016 17:57

Send them a glitter bomb disguised as a cheque.

FloweryTwat · 06/05/2016 17:51

You could tell her if she sends you the £100 back you will do her a new cheque for a larger amount ... Smile

Stopyourhavering · 06/05/2016 17:50

I can't believe the gall of the bride!...bet OP is glad she's an ex colleague!

Perbsy · 06/05/2016 17:49

I think you will be the only guest to have received this letter because they know you have "come into" some money. It's a begging letter, pure and simple, they want a handout.

ScarletOHaHa · 06/05/2016 17:47

How rude of her. If she responds, I'd ask for the money back.

StandByYourTesselators · 06/05/2016 17:47

Is it possible that your (ex) friend/colleague has a VERY dark sense of humour? Is she perhaps making a joke that refers to an illustration or verse in the card you gave them?

Could it have been a joke emailed between the bride and groom that was never meant to be sent?

There has to be another explanation other than shameless, despicable greed. How long does the Bridezilla toxin take to leave the body after the ceremony?

Tate15 · 06/05/2016 17:45

Do you know her parents?

I'd be inclined to forward her email to her parents telling them to ask for a refund from whatever charm school they sent her to!

newroundhere · 06/05/2016 17:44

"Could they possibly have cashed all the cheques and not written down properly who-sent-what? Maybe they think you didn't give them anything? :-/ If not it's astounding."

Whether they have mixed it up is completely irrelevant - even if someone hasn't sent a gift at all it is completely inappropriate to ask for one!! The whole point of a gift is that it is given willingly, not requested or demanded. Absolutely no excuse for this at all - completely unbelievable and unacceptable!!

wiltingfast · 06/05/2016 17:44

Wow. Just wow. I cannot imagine what planet she must be living on!

coconutpie · 06/05/2016 17:43

Is there any way to reverse a cashed cheque, I wonder?

NeedACleverNN · 06/05/2016 17:41

Tbh it doesn't matter if the bride muddled up gifts

No gift, a mug, £10 or a £100 that email is not acceptable.

Yes it's customary to give gifts at a wedding but it's cheeky to expect them

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 17:40

Yes, I suppose it's possible they've lost track of who-sent-what, but it till seems a bit of a stretch to go from that to risking such a message

The email started "Hi (name)" and there weren't any other addresses listed, like you sometimes get when an email has been sent to multiple people - so either she personalized it carefully or I really AM the only guest it was sent to Confused

OP posts:
MissPunnyMany · 06/05/2016 17:38

I'm literally speechless!

Hippywannabe · 06/05/2016 17:36

Surely they have muddled up your gift with someone else's? Either way, they are bloody rude!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 06/05/2016 17:35

It's so astoundingly rude whatever the circumstances, that I had to post to see what the weekend friends say and also if you get any further response OP.

The only aside I would mention is that I've also kept my financial situation private, people know far too much about other people's circumstances these days. I wonder if she'd have said the same thing if she hadn't known about the inheritance? by the sound of her, she just might have.

AugustaFinkNottle · 06/05/2016 17:33

I'd be tempted to respond with something along the lines of "You're quite right, I do need to make an adjustment. If you'll send the £100 back I'll send a replacement. I'm afraid for internal accounting reasons I do need it back first". And then send a cheque for £1.

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