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Original poster

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
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FluffyPineapple · 06/05/2016 22:15

Just read the whole thread. When did people become so entitled?? You are going to be talking about this for a long time OP. Leave it a few months and then send glitter bomb :D

Lweji · 06/05/2016 22:02

I'd rather have had book tokens than the cake stand that has maybe once been used.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/05/2016 21:59

I have nothing to add other than my dh once lost his bank card before a wedding so took book tokens. They were received graciously if in slightly baffled fashion.

carabos · 06/05/2016 21:58

Crikey! I would definitely tell everyone about it at this weekend's do, if only as an ice-breakerGrin.

Seriously, this has made me a bit nervous. We are going to an evening reception in a couple of weeks, not to the day ceremony and reception. I'm panicking about what would be seen as a mean gift? What if we just choose something off the list, surely that must be acceptable or why would it (whatever it might be) be on there?

heyhulahoop · 06/05/2016 21:57

What the fucking fuck?

pratiaalba · 06/05/2016 21:46

Dearie me, I have to placemark.

LuluJakey1 · 06/05/2016 21:34

We had a wedding invite recently to a wedding in Yorkshire on a Friday.
DH would have had to take a day's unpaid leave - £300
We would have to travel down and stay in the hotel (middle of nowhere) for two nights £450
Drinks, food outfits etc £400
There was a gift list - smallest thing left was a £100 toaster
Plus they were asking for donations to their honeymoon- in the Maldives

DH invited to stag do- long weekend in Gran Canaria (didn't even ask what it might cost)

DS (16 months) not invited.

We are staying at home with DS. Will send a card.

rollonthesummer · 06/05/2016 21:31

I'm gobsmacked at this!! You must ask other people who were at the wedding if they got an email!!

Gide · 06/05/2016 21:29

And Appearance Fee

PMSL, redtoothbrush!! Fabulous idea!

AlpacaLypse · 06/05/2016 21:29

Anyone willing to admit to knowing a DM journalist? If so please forward this thread... and make sure BridezillaMacBrideFace knows it's all about her...

52dietname · 06/05/2016 21:28

Could y

MissBattleaxe · 06/05/2016 21:27

You should definitely tell as many people as possible. Name and shame. This kind of grabbiness is socially indecent.

nudeynuderson · 06/05/2016 21:26

I can't stand people who expect a certain amount at weddings dps cousins had a wedding recently and all we've heard about it is who didn't put money in the card. It's pathetic. I hope she feels thoroughly ashamed of herself op. Money grabbing bastards

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 06/05/2016 21:24

I'd have to know if she'd tried it on with anyone else.

Pebbles16 · 06/05/2016 21:24

Just read this to DH who generally is very blah about MN. His jaw hit the floor! No advice apart from telling her to FOTTFSOF

Scarydinosaurs · 06/05/2016 21:23

I would 100% bring it up tomorrow.

I suspect she has a gambling or drug habit to try and fund- surely only desperate people behave like this??

Marynary · 06/05/2016 21:21

That is unbelievably rude! I would be tempted to forward the email to everyone who knows her who was also at the wedding.

PansOnFire · 06/05/2016 21:20

I'd be telling everyone about this :)

x2boys · 06/05/2016 21:16

£100 is extremely generous regardless of your financial circumstances my uncle is a millionaire and sent me £100 in marks and Spencer ,s gift vouchers I had a very small wedding and didn't invite many people and we were delighted with whatever we received I was very grateful to my uncle and had a lovely time spending it .

fluffywol · 06/05/2016 21:14
Shock
RaeSkywalker · 06/05/2016 21:13

I'd definitely tell your other friends. No doubt bridezilla will anyway!

springydaffs · 06/05/2016 21:06

It is so unbelievably outrageous I wonder if it was an email she drafted (bad enough!) but didn't mean to send.

grabbing at straws here

SmellyFartado · 06/05/2016 21:01

I have never seen anything so entitled. What a cheeky fucker!

I suspect that your invite was on the basis of the recent inheritance you mentioned and on that basis, the grabby fuckers thought that your invitation was an open chequebook in return.

£100 is an incredibly generous gift to a former colleague. You'll have a response back don't worry about that. She's too invested from the carefully worded grabby first email.

We'll help with your next response

trolleyknockers · 06/05/2016 20:58

I would email back simply "oh do fuck off dear".

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 20:57

Sorry I've not updated for a while, but I'm afraid there's nothing new - as mentioned she's read my brief reply but sent nothing further, which makes me wonder if she's simply given up

I'm in two minds on whether to spread this around at tomorrow's "do" or not. Part of me obviously wants to, but isn't that granting her other peoples' headspace which she really doesn't deserve, especially if they've not been affected? Certainly I'll be putting out a few more feelers though, and will report back on anyone else who's had "the demand"

And no, I certainly won't be sending any more, even as a joke; I wish I'd given a tatty fiver, then she really might have had something to moan about ...

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