Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 14:39

Epic x-post.

Oh my.

I may be even more speechlesser.
The expected guest did not turn up? Somebody who recently came in to some money? Quelle coincidence.
I hope your friend is as indiscrete good at information sharing as you think fear.

letthefundusbegin · 07/05/2016 14:39

Did the bride invite a lot of retired people/ people who have recently come into money to her wedding?

Interesting!

bloodyteenagers · 07/05/2016 14:37

Once the gossip gets back to her you will.
She will want to know wtf you are telling people she asked for a million quid, a goat and a 4K tv Grin

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 14:37

you

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 14:37

When my parents got married (1964) it was customary for the groom to throw small coins at the waiting children outside church - small village in Germany, the whole town would turn out to gawp give the new couple their best wishes.

This was not about monetary value as such, just a token to share ones happy day. The coins were coppers and were collected for weeks beforehead and apparently did weight my dad's pockets down a fair bit.

The wishing well mentioned upthread absolutely deserves a hefty baggy of -coppers-- coins to be dropped off in it Grin

OP, have cancelled the cheque already, hm?!

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/05/2016 14:34

Update since I just got back ...

Without wanting to be rude and make what was a nice occasion all about me, I did some quiet questioning and learned one of the expected guests hadn't come "because he didn't want to risk seeing (bride)"... she wasn't due to go anyway, but obviously he didn't know that and I'm told he wasn't prepared to discuss it further. It's perhaps relevant that this man has also recently retired, in his case after selling his company, which has understandably got my antennae twitching

To be fair his attitude might well have been about something else entirely, but to "help" with possible understanding I explained what's happened. The person I told is appalled, and not being terribly discreet, bless her, there's every chance that even the remotest islander will soon know all about it without me having to do anything more. Not perhaps the most direct way of dealing with it but probably just as effective in the end

I'm half tempted to call the missing guest, but he doesn't know me that well and on balance I'm inclined to leave it; he'll certainly hear about this, so if he's also had the email he'll at least know he's not alone, and if he hasn't there's no harm done

And no, I've still had no reply from the bride Hmm

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 07/05/2016 14:34

Jesus Mary and Holy Saint Joseph.

The cheque is now money. Cold, hard cash.

ElaineVintage · 07/05/2016 14:33

Call your bank and cancel the cheque! Cheeky sods Angry

snowgirl29 · 07/05/2016 14:28

A wishing well for cash donations? Confused
Mind you, I can't say anything as it was tradition from Ex DHs culture to throw money at the bride and groom on their first dance. For good luck I think.
We're seperated now so that didn't end too well either Grin. I felt awkward at that, something which was totally normal to ExDHs guests.

Are you good at Passive Aggressive OP? I'm torn between completely ignoring them and sending them an arsey email back as to how bloody spoilt rotten rude they appear to he.

OnlyLovers · 07/05/2016 14:26

Lweji, you've confused me! it's easily done

Lweji · 07/05/2016 14:16

Was the cheque checked or chequed, though? Maybe the OP made a typo.

Angry Bird
Queenie73 · 07/05/2016 14:10

The only wedding present we got that we thought was piss-poor was from one of our neighbours, who gave us a cheque for £25. Which bounced.

If the hadn't given us anything at all I wouldn't have cared- some people didn't and it was fine.

WhatHo · 07/05/2016 14:04

God. Wedding gifts. When i got married 10 years ago, a couple who were good friends of mine before they got together (in fact I introduced them to each other) didn't give me a wedding present. I was surprised because she's normally generous, and I'd just handed over a large gift for her wedding 4 months before.

I know it's not about presents but I couldn't help noticing and felt a bit sad - she obviously didn't feel the same way I did about her etc etc.

I noticed she was treating me with some reserve as well. It was all a bit awkward. Eventually - and THANK GOD she is blunt - she flat out said, "Was our present not good enough?"
"What present?"
"The £150 we sent you."
"What £150?"

Turns out her DH had put 3 £50 notes in a normal first class post envelope (FFS), and quelle surprise, they never made it to me. I ended up writing a gushing thank you letter for a present I never received, and her DH had a strip torn off him by his DW.

This story has nothing to do with place-marking, of course Grin

OnlyLovers · 07/05/2016 14:03

The cheque's been cashed. The OP has said so a few times.

CharlieSierra · 07/05/2016 14:03

I do love wedding season on mn

Is it always like this? I was honestly starting to wonder if there is a wedding troll Shock

snowgirl29 · 07/05/2016 13:55

Other PPs have a point too OP. Is it too late to cancel the cheque? Regardless of any inheritance you have, that is for you to do with as YOU wish. Not to fund another persons wedding / new kitchen fund Wink
Imagine having the audacity to send an email saying "we don't think you gave us enough money". Confused . They're not a friend in any terms OP. Block and dump their entitled arses.

MTPurse · 07/05/2016 13:55

I was hoping to see a lovely PA reply this morning :(

Lweji · 07/05/2016 13:54

London, have you been to the scone thread?

londonrach · 07/05/2016 13:53

I do love wedding season on mn!! 😅🙈🙀

snowgirl29 · 07/05/2016 13:50

Gosh that is very cheeky.
I'm a single parent of 2 DCs on benefits.
I went to a wedding of newish friends last year. They had a certain John Lewis gift list and the minimum thing on their wish list was £100. My DCs bought them a little something from their pocket money and I bought them a gift I could afford.
I got a thankyou card almost six months later with no forwarding address (they'd moved afterwards but still had my email and phone number to contact / text me on) I could possibly reply to. Hmm I'm certain the DCs gifts would have been duly eaten and mine took to the nearest charity shop.

That's incredibly rude of the wedding couple OP, and to be honest, how well do you know them? I don't think you should waste your precious time on even replying to someone who is obviously ungrateful.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2016 13:46

'I'm in two minds on whether to spread this around at tomorrow's "do" or not. '

Tell everyone who will listen.

Lweji · 07/05/2016 13:35
Halo

Wait a second, is there a new MN emoticon?
Angry Bird

PovertyPain · 07/05/2016 13:29

*Yes, you sound really tight with your money.

And cancelling that cheque was your lowest point*

I was about to get stuck into you, then read that again. Grin

Lweji · 07/05/2016 13:21

Yes, you sound really tight with your money.

And cancelling that cheque was your lowest point.

BoopTheSnoot · 07/05/2016 13:20

I'm awaiting updates with baited breath. Please send her a pamphlet for an etiquette course as your gift adjustment Grin

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.