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Original poster

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

1019 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2016 12:28

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
ElspethFlashman · 07/05/2016 15:24

Oh I see. He attended the wedding, but now is avoiding the bride like the plague and was afraid she was going to be at today's lunch so gave it a swerve.

Gosh. Bride isn't making many friends these days, is she?

Lweji · 07/05/2016 15:20

Gossip is often a good way to assess friends.
Good thing it is.

JohnCheese · 07/05/2016 15:14

Sometimes indiscreet friends are the BEST!!
A remarkably efficient way of dealing with this, erm, issue.

Gobsmackingly awful couple.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/05/2016 15:08

OH I've read all the OP's posts thanks. And the others. In fact, yours was the only really confusing one so far.

Lweji · 07/05/2016 15:07

Cancelling the cheque IS a good idea.
You just need one of these:

Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??
Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??
Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??
RaeSkywalker · 07/05/2016 15:05

Puzzled I think you've handled this very well- classy yet effective Grin

The other guest has almost certainly had the same email...

MrsNorrell · 07/05/2016 15:03

Pacific - excellent. Or, go to a ferrari garage, take a selfie next to the most expensive model and post it saying, "I don't really like this, but mine needed washing and this money isn't going to spend itself".

ExtremelyConfidential · 07/05/2016 15:01

FFS not FFT. .....Shock

ExtremelyConfidential · 07/05/2016 15:00

FFT OP, if the Daily Mail won't shame her, why don't you send her a link to this thread and be done with it.

Now hurry up and cancel that cheque before she has time to cash it Grin

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/05/2016 15:00

You know, I almost wish everyone would stop suggesting these evil absolutely fantastic ideas ... I've got more than enough faults as it is and I'm doing my best here not to make things any worse

Stop tempting me, for heaven's sake!! Grin Grin

OP posts:
AnnieNoMouse · 07/05/2016 14:59

What I was on about Thumb - and I hope I asked politely - was for clarity of the OP's message about the non-guest. I assumed she was referring to his failed attendance at the wedding, not today's do. OP explained in her subsequent post which came up while I was typing my question.
If you are finding this whole thread confusing I suggest you concentrate on reading only the OP's posts, rather than the dozens telling her to stop the already cashed cheque
Hmm

expatinscotland · 07/05/2016 14:58

'The wishing well mentioned upthread absolutely deserves a hefty baggy of -coppers-- coins to be dropped off in it grin'

Or pebbles.

Grin

I've been to weddings where there was a wishing well AND there was a gift list, so you could give twice. How thoughtful of the B&G.

myusernamewastaken · 07/05/2016 14:57

Can anyone get hold of one of those giant cheques....and get it sent to bridezillas house x

wavingnow · 07/05/2016 14:55

Just when you think you've heard it all along comes anither MN post which makes your poor jaw fall wide open! OP your email reply was spot on anything more would have been a total waste of your time. How I wish she were a MN and could now feel real shame.

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 14:52

Maybe puzzled could be frolicking on a bed of cash, throwing it in the air?

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 14:52

MrsN, I love it! Grin

Greengagesummer · 07/05/2016 14:51

Speechless at your update.

Betting you will hear more about this.

ooohsopink · 07/05/2016 14:50

Bit late to the party, but shamelessly placemarking any way Smile

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/05/2016 14:49

What you on about, Annie? The bloke who didn't show up today WAS at the wedding, he didn't want to come today in case the bride was also at today's function, suggesting he didn't want to see her, quite probably because he ALSO had a begging email telling him how ungenerous he was.

MrsNorrell · 07/05/2016 14:49

I think you and Retired Sold Company Man should put a photograph of the pair of you on FB, quaffing vintage champagne by the bottle and tucking into obscene amounts of the finest caviar with the caption "Well, you've got to get rid of it somehow".
Grin

Ditsy4 · 07/05/2016 14:49

Haven't read all of it but I think that is terrible. Shocking manners. I would reply by saying your right I will donate to x charity on your behalf!

AnnieNoMouse · 07/05/2016 14:48

Oops, cross posted

AnnieNoMouse · 07/05/2016 14:46

Is there a typo in your last Message OP? Do you mean non-guest was referring to bride's friend, rather than bride herself?

For those who are now questioning the bride cashing the cheque so quickly, the OP has said that the wedding was a few weeks ago - the grabby couple have been and come back from their honeymoon since.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/05/2016 14:45

Forgive me if I wasn't clear - today's missing guest was at the wedding itself, which is why it seems his absence today might be down to something which has happened in the meantime

And yes, the person I told has a level of indiscretion which is pretty well guaranteed Grin

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/05/2016 14:41

Oh good. I'm glad you let it out, and I hope that the person you told DOES spread it far and wide.

I'd like to say I'm shocked that someone else ostensibly in receipt of quite a lot of money received the same email, but I'm not. I AM disgusted at the sheer bloody obviousness of the moneygrubbing behaviour though! AngryAngry BirdShock

I really really really want to hear the bride's response, if she ever makes one...

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