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Original poster

I've left the children (8 and 4 respectively ) home alone.

134 replies

ShowOfHands · 30/04/2016 09:29

According to them anyway.

DH has gone to the bank. I'm in the bath. We did tell them both of these facts but they clearly weren't listening.

DS started searching for us 15 minutes ago and indignantly declared we've gone out. They've noticed the bikes are no longer on the stair wall (taken down so we can redecorate) and think we've gone on a bike ride without them.

They are making a lunch together for later. DS has armed them both with a plastic sword for protection.

Our bathroom is downstairs and I'm around 4 feet away from them.

They've got torches, spare batteries, lunch and plastic weapons. They're going to build a den under the table and "sit tight". If we don't appear by lunch time, they're phoning grandma.

OP posts:
FucksSakeMargaret · 30/04/2016 15:54

Iam exactly the same happened in my village last year. We had a friend staying and he was accosted by some locals because he was a stranger and looked suspicious.

Original poster
ShowOfHands · 30/04/2016 15:49

I'll go and see where Malcolm is in a bit. He won't pose though. He's more likely to nick my phone and abuse it into submission. The cats here are terrified of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShowOfHands · 30/04/2016 15:46

We have a 1200mm bath. It's like sitting in a warm puddle. If you drop your phone it just bounces off the island that is your cold, exposed flesh.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 30/04/2016 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scone1nSixtySeconds · 30/04/2016 15:38

I love MNing in the bath - you just need two zip up food bags to make it nice and water safe!

TheHobbitMum · 30/04/2016 15:32

I need a Malcolm 😂

GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 15:21

This thread is brilliant

Yoksha · 30/04/2016 15:16

This thread is awsome. Proper lifted my spirits. My Dh is the "man-child" who goes from room to room shouting for me. It really grated my carrot until I read this thread. Maybe he has latent attachment issues not yet addressed

The demented blackbird is priceless. Reminded me of when one of our cats (now dead) used to get dive-bombed in the garden from birds because she was always stalking them.

What resourceful/robust adorable children you have OP.

Original poster
ShowOfHands · 30/04/2016 15:01

Our lives are blighted by this blackbird. We can't decide if it fell out of a tree and hit every branch on the way down, flew into a window or is possessed by a demonic spirit. This morning he was quite happy dive bombing a pair of copulating pigeons. We thought it safe to garden. We were wrong. He hears us unlock the shed, sees us retrieving forks and he's off. He dive bombs, clings to your clothes and generally flails about until you hand feed him worms. He is the most bedraggled, balding and swivel-eyed bird in existence. We call him Malcolm. As in "FFS Malcolm". He's out there now I can see him. Just waiting.

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 30/04/2016 14:52

And we absolutely need to know about the demented blackbird.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 30/04/2016 14:51

This is brilliant.

I want a plastic sword too.

Lweji · 30/04/2016 14:42

What else is there to do in the bath? I mumsnet a lot in the bath. When I have one. And not now, in case anyone wonders.

GrumpyOldBag · 30/04/2016 14:40

I'm impressed OP that you managed all that Mumsnetting while in the bath.

I'm sure my phone or iPad would have come a cropper if I'd been trying to post from there ...

lovely story.

Bluetrews25 · 30/04/2016 14:39

One for the memory banks!

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 30/04/2016 14:39

This thread is great Grin

I've nominated it for Classics.

Enoughisenough9 · 30/04/2016 14:26

Lololol at rendezvous. Well done OP!

Glitterkitten24 · 30/04/2016 14:25

Aw love this!

And am I the only person impressed that left to their own devices, your children are planning to eat carrots?!?
My DC would be straight to the 'treat' cupboard and would only consider calling grandma when they'd run out of quavers!

anonacfr · 30/04/2016 14:23

Demented blackbirds? Of course we are going to ask.

IAmAPaleontologist · 30/04/2016 14:18
Grin

There is a kid locally went missing the other night, police helicopters, sniffer dogs, the lot. He was eventually found in a cupboard in the house where he had been all along.

Original poster
ShowOfHands · 30/04/2016 13:58

When we were still teens, DH used to babysit for a family in his village. He arrived one evening to be told the 4yo was hiding and he was to look for her. They schlepped off out. DH looked for half an hour. He started to worry. The family had a well. He phoned the parents and said he couldn't find their dd. They drove back at lightning speed. Everybody searched. They were about to call the police when the Dad got in his car to drive round the village. Their dd was asleep in the back of the car and had been all along.

Anyway, I burst through the door and yelled "WHERE WERE YOU? I'VE BEEN AT THE RENDEZVOUS FOR HOURS".

Epic battle.

Sorry for disappearing. We've been out in the garden with the demented blackbird (don't ask).

OP posts:
lonerboner · 30/04/2016 13:45

This has genuinely reminded me why I have a DS.

Thank you.

The smallest of things has bought the biggest smile to my face.

Well done OP - fantastic, resourceful children you have there Grin

IAmAPaleontologist · 30/04/2016 13:17

Love it!

Being an incredibly bad parent I often leave a child or 2 at home while dropping off or picking up from Beavers/Cubs. Before anyone rings social services they can stand at the patio doors and wave at me if they want to and should I get flattened by a car on the 2 second walk there would be around 20 other parents and cub leaders who know who I am, where I live and that there are other children in my house. Anyway, I was once taking dd to Beavers, ds2 (4) had come with me and ds1 (9) had stayed at home. The village hall was locked and a group of confused parents was around and nobody seemed to know what was going on so I left ds2 playing with the other kids and popped up the road to the Cub leader's house. She was still at work but her daughter came down with the keys and ran the session. Of course this took a little longer than usual and by the time I got home I found ds1 hiding in the kitchen with his nerf gun aimed at the back door in case an strangers came in. Daft boy will play for hours in the woods by himself but apparently being home alone is a little more scary.

YellowShockedFace · 30/04/2016 12:59

All over the world parents are hiding from their children right now. Just to see what happens Smile

reader77 · 30/04/2016 12:48

That's really cheered me up, your kids are brilliant!StarStar

BettySpaghettiHasLostHerHead · 30/04/2016 12:37

Love this! My DC are in stitches about it Smile