When I get in the bath and it's a bit hot I always

Our company has a client called Tuuli, every time she orders I wander around the warehouse singing truly scrumptious (replacing with Tuuli obvs.) I just can't help it, have never met the woman or even know if she it scrumptious!

When confronted with anyone called Will, I say "Wiiiill" like in the Natwest advert. "Yeah Wiiill".

Any Nina gets "Hi Nina!" in a chipper Scottish accent (Nina and the Neurons)

Julies get "Hi! My name's Julie! I'm with Ross now!" ("that sounds nothing like her")

This is in my head if they are actually there. Although one of my first boyfriends actually did dump me for a girl called Julie.

Oh Micah I do that too! And I have to say 'Oh deary meeeee' in a bad Scottish accent! It's all totally lost on my DH

Ginbunny love it!

lol Piffpaffpoff you've reminded me, any mention of air hostesses, air travel, or "high life" gets a full rendition of "we're living the high life" complete with aeroplane arms.

DH and I use our Jedi mind trick, complete with hand movement, to open automatic doors. Every. Single. Time.

My Dad (a total loon) will do an OTT loud bark/bite if anyone comes near his face. Weird enough with family but he did it to the doctor when he was having his nose examined, the poor guy shat himself!

We also do a lot of these .

Somehow, the fact that the Dc are 6 and 4, don't get the joke and already find us embarrassing just makes it so much funnier!

DC2’s 4th birthday was a few weeks ago. DC1 saw the cake and asked for four candles to stick on top... 'Four candles, you say?" I took a bunch of forks out of the drawer and, holding them by the tines, offered her the handles...

DH and I laughed. DC1 stamped her foot and DC2 had a tantrum. I guess humour is something you grow into.

Reading these has made me remember some more!
DS and I always say "open sesame" to automatic doors. I've taken to saying it when i don't have DS with me; foster DS and his friends thought i was a bit weird the other week when I did it to the doors in hospital!!

I worried several children at DS school when I was helping out and one of them bumped their arm, and I told them amputation was the only thing to do. Although i did have to explain amputation to several of them so the joke was a bit lost.....

BrianCox- I do all your Eddie moments! Do you also do the 'Run, Charlie, Run (in the manner of a slightly cockney bodyguard to Prince Charles)? In my household this is a must for any potentially 'threatening' situation (like DM/MIL knocking on the door, DS offering a freshly picked bogey etc). Also 'covered in bees' whenever we see a bee. As well as a reference to spiders making gravy whenever someone asks for it.

Also when posing for photos (weddings, christenings, anything) it is the law to call for long eared animals to be at the font and mention excellent photos for the people of the bible.

There is an ongoing battle in my house over the correct response to 'STOP'. DH is convinced that it is 'Hammer time'. I (being definitely right) know that it is 'In the name of love (before you break my heart- think it o-o-ver)'. DC seem to believe it to be whatever you like as long as you don't actually stop.

I'm pretty sure I need to get out more.

So many of these

In the morning after hitting snooze on alarm, one of us will go "bam bam bam bam bam bam bam GET UP" and the other will respond "Get on up" in the stylee of James Brown. We have to sing it through to screeching "like a sex machine" at the end, before we can actually get out of bed.

Dh will pat my arse and go "bottom" in his best Minion voice

piffpaffpoff me too.
I am going to have night of Abba with incorrect lyrics.

And singing to instrumental theme tunes - Emmerdale in an excellent one for that. Emmerdale Farm. Emmer Emmer Emmerdale Farm.

I have proper choked on my coffee this morning laughing at NWA stylee breast pumping. Excellent stuff.

Sorry, last one! if a meal has any meat at all in it, I have to mock shout the outro to another brick in the wall,
Complete with Scottish accent, just as they finish 'YOO CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT!!'. Similarly requests to stand still have to be shouted 'YOO,YES YOO, STAND STILL LADDEH!'

And another - singing 'Ice ice baby' is a absolutely necessary when either providing ice cubes or skiing over icy patches

And me, if anyone mentions vanity I have to say 'she/he probably thinks this song is about her/him'

Any minor injury, "I'm afraid we will have to amputate."

Many many random song lyrics and singing that have already been covered.

Last night I asked dh if I scared or confused him. He said no. So I roared in his face and crossed my eyes, "and now?"

"And now?" Gets used a lot by me. Poor poor dh.

Singing random things I'm doing to the tune of Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Along the lines of:-

"Who knows where some plonker has left my blue jeans?
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
Annoying and thoughtless and jeansless are me!
Sponge Bob Square Pants!
If trouserless nonsense is something you wish
Sponge Bob Square Pants
Then hide all my jeans and replace them with fish!"

Dd sings the Sponge Bob Square Pants line for me.

It can go on for hours as I wander around the house.

Whenever anyone says 'I forgot about that' or any variant of, my DP HAS to say 'you'll be forgetting about Dre next'

And of course, singing along to the One Show.

The whole house joins in.

"Ooone! Oooone! Ooone!" Etc

Another one!

If I'm in a lift with the dses, one of us says 'tableau!' And we create a dramatic pose so that when the lift doors open whoever is waiting for the lift is treated to a mini theatrical moment when the doors slide open.

The challenge is for all three of us to have the balls to hold the pose when the doors open.

They are 16 and 18

I do so many of these - and DS2 is similarly afflicted. He does the 'tell me what you think about me' thing whenever he hears the word 'question'

If I hear anyone shouting 'Hey you!' I have to follow it with 'the rock steady crew.'

If anyone says 'just say no' I break into the Grange Hill anti-drugs song, to which I inexplicably know all the words

'Stop!' Has to be followed by Hammertime. I thought it was the law.

Ds1 voices one of our dogs brilliantly, and monologues him all the time.

If I fart, even on my own in the car, I have to say 'pardon'. It's like a reflex. But I've been doing it so long, I don't say the full word, I just do a kind of 'menem' noise under my breath. I feel wrong if I don't.

If I hear the word 'phenomenon' I have to follow it with 'do do do do do' like the Muppets song.

If I'm cooking on my own I sometimes pretend I've got my own cooking programme and talk to the camera as I go along. I'm 42.

There are more. Soooo many more.

No way Athelstane? What about when you began: "ONE batty bat, ah ah ah, TWOOO batty bat..."

If anyone in a costume drama mentions a manservant we always demand they get it out on the table so we can take a look at it. And from the same legendary Blackadder episode we derive the only possible pronunciation of "Bob".

PMSL at all these poor cats being held up like baby Simba :o

I thought the Duty Penguins were all at the South Pole. North Pole would be Duty Elf Bear.

When I approach automatic doors I have to "open" then with a grand commanding gesture, while saying (or at best whispering) SHAZAM. I then sweep through, confident that my magical powers are intact.

They obey my imperious will every time, you know.

I ordered a jumper from Tesco for Christmas Jumper Day. It was dispatched but I didn't receive notification of delivery. So I forwarded the order notification to their customer services team, no message, just a link to Sultans of Ping on YouTube

"Whenever Law and Order or Law and Order:SVU start, I have to recite the "In New York City......" bit, in a deep, fake American accent. All the family roll their eyes at me." I watch these buy dd doesn't but if she's passing through the living room she will quote the entire intro if it's on! How does she know when she doesn't watch it?

Just remembered back in the day when we used to play cards in the family, if someone said 'hit me' we'd all reply 'with your rhythm stick'

Also if someone said 'call me' someone would respond 'no need to hesitate, we just communicate'

Weird family!

Eddie Izzard fans will know this one.

It is essential, upon offering guests a piece of cake, to ask
...

"Cake? Or death?"

Similarly, should you be gifted a bunch of flowers, one MUST declare....

"Bunch of flowers!"

Anybody called Brian is automatically "a very naughty boy" (Monty Python)