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Original poster

Having my ears hoovered out tomorrow and I'm SO excited

316 replies

YvaineStormhold · 13/04/2016 19:28

How tragic are the middle years...

Can't bloody wait though.

OP posts:
MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 14/04/2016 22:07

oops

Bagatelle1 · 14/04/2016 22:07

I'm sitting on the edge of my seat. I can't go to bed until I know how this ends.

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 14/04/2016 22:07

WE CAN BAN YOU IF YOU DON'T TYPE FASTER

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 22:06

The first pump was more vigorous than any of the previous ones. I could sense that he wanted this over as much as I did. Warm jet after warm jet flooded my ear, and I could hear it trickling into the bowl.

He pumped and he pumped, and it felt as if he was getting nowhere. I was almost starting to feel sorry for him, and was just about to tell him it didn't matter, we could try again another time, when suddenly, something changed.

A cool sensation, deep inside, small at first, and then growing, deepening.

"That feels different!" I exclaimed, and he chuckled softly.

"It was running clear before, but that looks like canal water," he purred.

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 14/04/2016 22:05

I'm not even a sporner (genuinely not) and I am AGOG. Give me more. Now. Don't hold back.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 14/04/2016 22:05

Ngghh. Type faster op!

Salfordlass · 14/04/2016 22:04

Wow south just watched that, I needed a release I'm so wrought up with this tease of an op. Just wow.

Bambooshoots14 · 14/04/2016 22:04

😷

Dafspunk · 14/04/2016 22:04

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

TheSpottedZebra · 14/04/2016 22:04

YEEESSSSS to ear corn.

Who is this skilled ear wax technician lover? Where can I find him?

MrsMogginsMinge · 14/04/2016 22:03

ngngngh

Chippednailvarnish · 14/04/2016 22:03

This needs to go in classics!

Chocolateteabag · 14/04/2016 22:02

OP - you need to get that Mills and Boon out of your system Grin

yumyumpoppycat · 14/04/2016 22:02

...I think 50 shades of ear wax would be more interesting..

yumyumpoppycat · 14/04/2016 22:01

Quite relieved, I would have been disappointed in him if he gave up without finishing you off.

amysmummy12345 · 14/04/2016 22:01

DH is about to kick me out of bed for laughing 😆

YabuDabbaDoo · 14/04/2016 22:00

SAFE WORD

Waypasttethersend · 14/04/2016 22:00

Fess up how many of you are on private browser bumping up the google analytics of www.earwaxclinic.co.uk/

Quietlygoingmad67 · 14/04/2016 22:00

I was devastated.

I didn't care by now. I wanted him to hurt me, if he had to. I just wanted it over.

"Shall we give it another go?" he asked.

I gritted my teeth.

"Just do it."

50 shades of ear wax - the new fiction novel on the shelvesGrin

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 21:59

By now we had the routine down perfectly - like an Argentine tango, but with a plastic kidney bowl.

I handed him a tissue, he handed me the bowl. I pressed it to my neck. He primed his pump.

He inserted his nozzle deep; deeper than ever before. I gasped. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded, wordlessly.

OP posts:
YabuDabbaDoo · 14/04/2016 21:59

Safe word
Safe word

ScarletForYa · 14/04/2016 21:59

....next week?

😢

Lalaloopsyscaresme · 14/04/2016 21:59

This is sporners mills and boon!!

SockQueen · 14/04/2016 21:59

This is the most excited I have got over a MN thread in aaaages.

LeaLeander · 14/04/2016 21:59

Regardless of the subject matter you are quite the writer, OP!