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Having my ears hoovered out tomorrow and I'm SO excited

316 replies

YvaineStormhold · 13/04/2016 19:28

How tragic are the middle years...

Can't bloody wait though.

OP posts:
YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 22:25

No photos.

Sorry.

You'll just have to use your imaginations.

Think...canal water, brown flakes, and black bits floating about.

A black hairy bookie's pencil doing jazz hands.

I'll try to get photos next time

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 14/04/2016 22:24

Omg you lot! And Helen too! Shock

amysmummy12345 · 14/04/2016 22:23

I think you're earmarked for great things OP 😋

YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 22:23

He bit his lip before answering.

"Well, don't leave it another twenty years," he said. I think we both knew I wouldn't.

"Your passages are small. Come back...once a year? If you don't need doing, I'll just send you away."

If I don't need doing?

Yeah. Right.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 14/04/2016 22:22

Ffs photos, I need photos!

YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 22:21

"I'm feeling so attractive right now," I breathed, blushing slightly.

"Well, better out than in," he said, and we both laughed.

There was an awkward moment, before I asked the question that I think we both wanted the answer to.

"How often do I need to come back? Do you think I'm particularly...prone?"

OP posts:
yumyumpoppycat · 14/04/2016 22:21

surely he needed to go in one more time?

amysmummy12345 · 14/04/2016 22:21

You hussy OP waxing lyrical about your earscapades... One can only dream of such "coch"lear delights 😉

Palomb · 14/04/2016 22:20

Lolololol @ "we can ban you if you don't type faster"

Grin Grin Grin Grin

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 14/04/2016 22:19

Multiple eargasms

HawkEyeTheNoo · 14/04/2016 22:19

Yetanotherhelenmumsnet please ban the OP AFTER she has shown the pics. If there are no pics I feel a lifetime ban is in order!! I feel my ears are moist

ScarletForYa · 14/04/2016 22:19

Yea, snowstorm, shite....Wow

I'm all ears!

Salfordlass · 14/04/2016 22:18

I didn't believe double EARGASMs existed before now..

YabuDabbaDoo · 14/04/2016 22:18
ScarletForYa · 14/04/2016 22:17

Oh, this is gold....the ear puns are killing me! Grin

👂 👂 👂 👂 👂

FreeButtonBee · 14/04/2016 22:17

My ears are, no shit, TINGLING.

Chippednailvarnish · 14/04/2016 22:16

Try these www.clearearclinic.com

YabuDabbaDoo · 14/04/2016 22:16

Has anyone got a mop?

HawkEyeTheNoo · 14/04/2016 22:16

PLEASE GOD YOU TOOK A PIC!!

amysmummy12345 · 14/04/2016 22:16

OP is ear one minute, gone the next Grin

YvaineStormhold · 14/04/2016 22:15

The dam had burst now, and there was no going back...pump...pump...pump...each jet of warm liquid soothed my fevered earhole like a precious balm.

"That's it, I think," he said. His breathing was ragged by now, his wrist limp.

He withdrew his nozzle from my ear, and took a step back.

Suddenly, I was Dorothy, stepping out from the monochrome Kansas into the technicolor world of Oz, but with sound.

"Wow," I said, and I noticed my voice was really high pitched and a bit irritating

"You had a fair bit of stuff deep down in there," he said, and we both looked into the swirling abyss that was the plastic kidney bowl

There were flakes.

It was like a sepia snowstorm of shite.

OP posts:
Buddahbelly · 14/04/2016 22:15

serious question... how do i get a blocked ear, I think if i left the alone they would block up but then they get itchy.

Ive wanted mine done for years and ashamed to say have even invented ear ache at the dr's in a desperate attempt to get my ears done.... but they keep saying no. Im willing to pay for it after this thread Grin

RhombusRiley · 14/04/2016 22:15

I bet he's simultaneously regaling some ENT medical chatroom with the details of his conquest :o

HawkEyeTheNoo · 14/04/2016 22:15

I had an eargasm with the first ear... Please OP, let me feel pleasure again!!

Unicow · 14/04/2016 22:15

Come back! We need sweet release!