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Original poster

Having my ears hoovered out tomorrow and I'm SO excited

316 replies

YvaineStormhold · 13/04/2016 19:28

How tragic are the middle years...

Can't bloody wait though.

OP posts:
PegsPigs · 16/04/2016 19:29

I've made contact with local centre and they charge £55. Must be the going rate but gutted there's no 'do one get one free' on wax caterpillars.

HelenaJustina · 16/04/2016 18:12

Only because I am such a dedicated and loving wife and then there would be someone to hold the camera

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 16/04/2016 17:54

Go with him, Helena

You may lose him...

OP posts:
HelenaJustina · 16/04/2016 17:51

My DH is complaining of deafness in one ear but swears blind it is 'the other side of the ear drum' because he can't get anything out with a cotton bud Hmm

Am booking him in for micro-suctioning on Monday!

3littlefrogs · 16/04/2016 16:24

I once syringed the ears of a bloke who was a drummer in a band.

I have never seen such enormous wax caterpillars in the kidney dish before or since.

I often wondered how his next gig went and whether the volume of his drumming was affected.

nightowlzombiemum · 16/04/2016 16:03

Lol lol at go forth and get sucked brilliant thread, thanks Grin ear porn

SauvignonBlanche · 16/04/2016 14:38

Wow! Envy

DropYourSword · 16/04/2016 14:03

...but I don't think there's much of a market for ear porn

Pretty sure you've just single-handedly created it OP!

CoffeeRevels · 16/04/2016 13:26

Yes, you should definitely be able to take it home

annandale · 16/04/2016 13:21

See Coffee they are missing a trick if they don't put

'Post Procedure inspection of the results and we guarantee you can take it home'

'Discounted procedure if you consent for us to put the film on Youtube and it reaches 100,000 views'

CoffeeRevels · 16/04/2016 13:20

I love this thread - brilliantly descriptive writing.
Spookily my local free newspaper came through the letterbox earlier with the following ad prominently displayed in the front page:
'Having trouble hearing? It might be earwax. Visit our earwax removal clinic for assessment of wax build up, removal of wax via microsuction or low pressure irrigation, post procedure assessment' Grin

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 16/04/2016 13:15

I'm a bit disturbed by that Gif of Gandalf earlier on. Is he just nodding or is it supposed to look like he's probably having a wank? Or is that just my dirty mind?

alwaystogether · 16/04/2016 12:16

My experience wasn't as nice as that, the practice nurse, middle aged female brought out a thing like a miniature fish tank half filled with warm water, put the nozzle in my ear and started the pump, after about a minute i felt dizzy, she said that often happens, then proceeded to the next ear, afterwards she showed me what had come out of my ears, not much but quite yucky.

cammii · 16/04/2016 12:01

I have lurked on mums net for years and I think this is one of three threads that I have commented on. It was brilliant. I sat in Lidl car park just now and read all 12 pages. You are all hilarious. I sat in my car laughing like a mad woman.

Worcswoman · 16/04/2016 12:00

Yvaine you really should publish - brilliant storytelling! Who knew ear wax could be so thrilling?!

50 shades of ear wax - had us all in suspenders.

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 16/04/2016 11:02

I'm fine, thanks, Irene...kind thought, though.

OP posts:
IrenetheQuaint · 16/04/2016 10:41

Perhaps we should all club together and send you to a colonic irrigation session, OP, just so you could describe it for us afterwards.

treacletoffee23 · 16/04/2016 10:37

Having mine done on the 25th. It's better than scratching an itch.... better than scratching an itch you didn't even know you had.Every three months ear Heaven Smile

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 16/04/2016 09:48

If only, magrat

It's my dream.

I just live it on MN Grin

OP posts:
magratvonlipwig · 16/04/2016 09:41

OP Are you a writer? you should publish!
seriously that was amazing.
Much better than 50 shades of boredom !!

Actually dying for the loo but couldn't go till I'd read the whole story 😅

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 16/04/2016 08:12

YourLeftElbow Yes please...but I don't think there's much of a market for ear porn Grin

OP posts:
YourLeftElbow · 16/04/2016 08:09

Someone give OP a prize. Or a publishing deal

GoofyIsACow · 16/04/2016 08:01

Truly amazing thread!

Original poster
YvaineStormhold · 16/04/2016 07:57

Bessie Grin Grin

OP posts:
SweetPeaPods · 16/04/2016 07:32

Pegspigs Google microsuction ear wax removal your town and it should bring some up.

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