That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

My ex-DH likes a bit of Shakespeare and goes to the Globe quite frequently. Last year he was in the queue to collect his tickets and became aware that a number of people around him were deaf. He thought to himself at the time that this would be a long, perhaps challenging time to be standing in the pit if you weren't able to easily understand the action. Anyway, as soon as the play started, he realised the horrible truth in these thoughts. The whole performance was signed.

Rather than sneaking out quietly as soon as he realised, he did the British thing and stood thoughout the entire silent event. For nearly 3 hrs. Well, he'd paid £5 for that ticket.

Someone once congratulated my ex boyfriend on my forthcoming marriage.

They thought I was marrying him. He had no idea what to say so went along with it and said thanks, yes, he was looking forward to the wedding that he wasn't the groom for and didn't have an invite to go to.

My mother had to explain a few weeks later when she showed the same person my wedding photograph and I was standing next to a total stranger, with no sign of my ex.

That was awkward. Although judging by the thread it's also possibly a miracle that out of some sense of politeness she didn't try to claim I'd married them both, or that ex had had plastic surgery for the wedding or something.

I too have a dad that has been eating various meals for over 40 years that he doesn't much like. We have tried to tell my mum but she's adamant that said foods are among dad's favourites.

Only last week he had to eat some sort of carrot stew instead of the pizza everyone else was eating. We are now forbidden to express disappointment on his behalf.

He's so in love with her after all these years that he will never express a dislike for anything she cooks as he refuses to upset her. Mum will merrily cook these dishes for the next 40 odd years thinking they're his favourite.

The funniest thing is that they're not even British, they must have absorbed this trait via some kind of osmosis.

Actually crying at "if we really like someone we call them Gary"

Loving these! I too have eaten meat after becoming vegetarian (it was at my former best friend's house and I didn't want to offend her mum, in my defence I was only ten). I don't know how I choked it down, I can remember struggling through it and feeling guilty.

Talking to the massuese all the fricking way through massages. Wish I could tell them to shut it.

You need to correct people or you may end up in my friends position!

He is a sports coach and two of the children he teaches have a pretty famous parent. This parent kept getting his Name completely wrong and after a while he stopped correcting them.

My friend was nominated for a pretty big award, a couple of thousand people were there. We took our seats, listened to some boring speeches. Then time for the awards.

Onto the stage steps this parent, of course my friend had won, famous person on stage looks horrified when my friend stands up. When he gets to the stage the famous parent is trying to tell him whispering that he's misheard.

The whole conversation with my friend saying they have been calling him the wrong name for three years was heard by everyone over the microphone!!

My ILs like their tea weak. When I say weak, it's practically homeopathic; they dip the teabag in for a few seconds (no mashing it against the side of the mug with the teaspoon), then pour in generous quantities of full-fat milk.

I prefer my tea just the right side of stewed, with a small splash of semi or skimmed milk.

Guess how I had my tea when I visited them? This went on for five years, until I finally plucked up the courage to admit to my MIL that I like strong tea.

I'm a lawyer and married to a South African and they are so refreshingly rude open and blunt honest that my Britishness is slowly ebbing away. I think it's a combination of having to be assertive professionally and being influenced by Saffas.

Example - if we go out for dinner and there's something not quite right with my meal I will politely send it back. I can feel you all like this at my audacity! No food stuffed handbags or pockets for me.

However, it wasn't always so... as a kid, I went for dinner at a friend's house and her Mum served fish fingers, chips and peas. I didn't like peas so I tucked into the fish fingers thinking I would leave the peas.

Then her Mum started berating her little sister for not eating her peas, and said "Huffy eats all her peas, don't you Huffy?"

I took one pea, tentatively put it in my mouth and chewed... nearly gagged, but smiled as her Mum smiled at me... then ate the rest like tablets, drinking them down with mouthfuls of water. I was pooing whole peas for what felt like days.

I just remembered that after about 7 years of being with DH did he tell me that I don't put enough milk in his tea! I asked why he never told me, he said he hadn't wanted to hurt my feelings

Gary!

That is excellent!

Oh that is too good!

I'm her Gary

Paxillin, he lives in the USA- recently we met for dinner and he bought along the VIP of sales, so we had a big hug " Gary! You haven't changed a bit"

VIP guy was from NYC and worked hard not to be the cynical fucker he clearly was.

When I left London to get the train back to.the sticks, I hugged " Gary" and hugged the VIP sales guy and said " hey- can I call you Gary too?:)" priceless as he said " um, yeah, call me what you want, babe" and the original Gary said petulantly " I'M her Gary" :)

Thank fuck they are an ocean away:)

But surely you now have to call everybody you like Gary, lavenderhoney, it being a British thing and all that, just to keep up pretences on FB?

Many years later I am still in touch with er, Gary, and it's his nickname in the USA. He is a very senior corporate bod now, of a massive multi national and " Gary" to his friends and his inner circle, much to my mortification on FB and linked in.

It's amazing no one has ever said " Wtf?:) " to him. I still call him Gary.. Or Gazzer:)

Ha ha Gary.

I took a call at work today, the caller said oh dear do you have a sore throat, you sound terrible? I don't. But said yes, then put on a croaky voice for the rest of the call .

My colleagues were giving me this look .

Oh god. I met a lovely man in a bar once, couldn't hear a word but he was very attractive so we had a date. And another and so it went on until one day he said ( for he was from California) er, why do you always call me Gary? Is it a British thing?

And to my shame I said " oh, yes, if we really like someone we call them Gary"

My son came home from his friend's house when he was 9 with his pockets stuffed with lemon drizzle cake. He didn't want to offend the mum by telling her he didn't like it.
It took ages to get all the crumbs out.

I really don't like cream, especially in cakes. I don't like fruit liquor, especially not cherry.

An ExBF's mum made me a Schwarzwald Kirsch tart thingy with ample cream and liquor cherries. I said thank you very much, I will eat it later. He ate it. Month after, more creamy kirschcake horror. This time I had said I was hungry before I knew she'd produce this. BF had to take a huge bite every time she turned away or left the room. For the duration of that relationship I was treated to kirsch cream cake for I had wolfed it down so quickly the first time .

Ooh ooh I have 3!

Firstly as a teenager I found out my mum's friend lived in the same village as Orlando Bloom's Grandmother. I had visited my mum's friend in this village many times and saw it as my claim to fame. I told my best friend and then a month later she told ME that her mum's friend lived in the same village as Orlando Bloom's Grandmother! I had to act all impressed!

Secondly, I have a slight intolerance to caffeine and get the shakes if I have a cup of tea on and empty stomach. My DH couldn't be bothered to say that one short sentence to his parents when they asked what to get me in to drink prior to meeting me. Instead he told them I am alllergic to caffeine. Well apparently they did some research and I can't even have decaffeinated tea as it still has some caffeine. This means that every (overnight) visit is tea free! I have to watch them drink it and sip my water! They once bought special Red Bush tea for me instead, I had to gag down the whole box as I was too polite to admit I didn't like it!

Lastly my dad doesn't like fish. He has been married to my mum for nearly 30 years. Once I was at theirs and we were deciding what to eat, mum suggested fish and I said no as dad's not that keen.She was shocked and asked Dad if it was true. He reluctantly admitted that he didn't like it but hadn't been able to tell her (she has cooked him fish many times). It was a whole big thing, mum couldn't believe he hadn't said etc. etc. About a year later I go round for dinner and what does mum serve? You guessed it, fish! She had completely forgotten! It was a whole big thing! My dad dug in and gave me a very slight head shake and a look that said 'it's ok, it's too awkward to bring it up again, I've eaten it for 25 years I can eat it for 25 more'

lying

I have one. It happened today. You are NOT going to believe me but it may well be on CCTV...

I was shopping in Sainsbury's today, did my shop, packed the car, went back to the trolley bay to get my trolley coin back and put the trolley in. So far so good. Trolley man came to get the trollies and wheel them to the store. Somehow my dress (skater sort) was attached to the last trolley (mine) and I could feel it pulling, I thought it was going to rip...

So, did I say, "Hold on my good man, I'm caught!". No. Of course I didn't.

To his mild astonishment, I walked with him and his trolley-crocodile into the store, at his pace, chuntering on about the weather and waited for him to leave them and me to my own devices. I freed my dress and scuttled off back to the car. My dress - a favourite - now has a fair sized rip along the waist seam.

A normal person would not do this... ergo, I should not be allowed out on my own again.