I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

A previous poster reminded me of how I used to frantically search the bed for DD when she was tiny. I used to shove DH out of the way, pull his pillows out, etc, which would wake him up and he'd calm me down and point out she was in her cot. All normal for having a newborn.

What was less normal was the time I tried to put a bib on DH, telling him he'd need it in case he dribbled his milk DD didn't even wear a bib for night feeds! (But to be fair, DH does dribble in his sleep...)

I have tears reading this LOL

Loving this thread. It needs to end up in classics.

My DH regularly has these kind of sleep chats. Regular full on conversations, that seem perfectly normal until he says something proper off the wall.

Most recent memorable one that comes to mind goes something like this.

DH: love you, (name)
Me: love you too
DH: despite all of it
Me: despite all of what?
DH: the mangoes, you never bought the mangoes {said in a sad little voice}
Me: DH, wake up, you're dreaming.
DH: {more angrily} YOU'RE NOT THE FRUIT QUEEN ANY MORE!

I often wake him to get various mythical/poisonous/venomous creatures out of our bed

DH nearly gave me a heart attack one night - he was asleep and I was reading by a dim light ...suddenly he shot backwards up the bed scrabbling with the pillows and swearing, I shrieked and went 'what, what!' And he said 'the faces at the end of the bed!' - and promptly rolled over and started snoring again! Leaving me peering over my book to the end of the bed for the next hour ....

littlegreyauditor that made me howl

My ex (ex army) used to swear blind he never dreamt at all but he woke me up once by sitting up and yelling in broad scots 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO, the battalion's DOOMED!'.

I sleep talk all the time.

I once sleep phoned my mum in hysterics telling her repeatedly I was 'trapped inside a tiny bit of wood'. It was about 4am and I was 28 and my mum was

Dd also sleep talks but it's usually much like her daytime conversations involving 'give me it back' 'that's not fair' 'he looked at me funny' etc etc

I've done it while sharing a room with my friend on holiday.

Me - "What have you done with it??"
Friend - "With what?"
Me - "With my chicken. What have you done with my chicken?"
Friend -
Me - "Where's the fucking chicken!"

Friend - "You don't have a chicken"

(I woke up at this point really pissed off, and retorted venomously)
Me - "Well I don't NOW"

Oh God - I've just remembered the time I was backpacking with my sister; we were sharing a youth hostel room with a couple of people we didn't know. I was in a bottom bunk bed with one of these unknown people in the bunk above me. According to my sister, I woke everyone up, shouting and banging on the bed slats above me. I then gave an enormous fart and went back to sleep. Apparently, I scared the wits out of the girl sleeping above me.

I used too but not so much these days, when I was younger my nan was staying over in my bed and I was sleeping on the floor, I apparently got up during the night and started looking for my Walkman on her bed. Think she was quite startled but just said "ok dear but I don't think it's here" I laid back down afterwards, I vaguely remember it too lol

DH and I both sleep talk.

A few nights ago I woke him up at about 3am and insisted he get my bikini out of my drawer, which I then put on over my pyjamas and went back to sleep - I was very confused the next morning

He woke me up last night waffling about booking train tickets to Whitby - for our dog

We also have weird conversations if we wake each other up - he dozed off on the sofa the other night:

Me - are you coming to bed?
DH - it's in the kitchen
Me - OK, but are you coming to bed?
DH - no, I can't I've left the car in the kitchen
Me - it's ok, I've put it back outside for you,
DH - thanks, it was a bit stripey
Me - OK then, night!

My DH and some of the DCs sleep talk now and then. My favourite was when DH shouted out "BURP!" just burp, nothing else and it was as though he was burping "buuuurrrrrrrrrppppppp" I couldn't stop laughing

I've slept walked and talked all my life.

I once woke up lying on the floor- turns out I'd jumped on DH (I dreamt I was being attacked) and he woke thinking I was a burglar and threw me on the floor.

DH is. I've had a few classics.

Sat up, threatrical sweep of the arm, Old Shakespearean Actor voice 'And off! Into obscurity'. Lies back down like nothing has happened.

Sarcastic voice, jazz hands 'oh, so it's purple now is it?'

Grabs hold of me in death grip 'Noooo! The rock monsters will get you'

DS too - 'Don't let the chickens get me'

I always know how deep h is sleeping by the language being spoken. If it is mother tongue and I need him awake I have to shout in that language which normally means I am his mother until he wakes - normally looking very confused.

This thread is awesome! My poor DH has been suffering for years because of me talking in my sleep. He now records them as his recounting of them in the morning were so odd I was beginning to doubt he was telling me the truth. This is the one he likes to tell over and over again to anyone who will listen:

Me: DH, wake up. The turtle has escaped.
DH: what?
Me: Gaston has escaped! Catch him quickly.
DH: What? Who is Gaston?
Me: The turtle.
DH: The turtle has escaped?
Me: Yes. He is under the bed wearing a purple ribbon. Fetch him quickly before the kangaroo gets him.

And he can always tell whether I have been binge-watching the Walking Dead by the types of dreams I have. Apparently, I make an excellent zombie noise!

Ds and I sleep talk and walk. I often wake dh up insisting that there is either a spider or a wasp in the bed and will throw off the pillows and duvet looking for it. When I was delirious with a dental abcess I leapt out of bed in the middle of the night because I'd dreamt that someone was stabbing dh, I woke myself up, standing on the landing, screaming. And we stayed in a hotel when ds was 5, he sat bolt upright in the night and said "are you going to eat that sandwich or not?" In a really annoyed voice.

I woke DH up screaming "Dad" right in his face as loudly as possible.

I remember trying to shout in the dream and not being able to, so tried with a bit more power

Recently, my DH woke up to find me crouched on the floor by his side of the bed, gently stroking his arm and talking to it. Apparently, I took some persuading that it wasn't the cat.

My DS also sleep walks. Recently he went on a sleep over and freaked everyone out by walking into each of the bedrooms and turning on all the lights. He also gets confused about the where the loo is and has been known to piddle in various locations - one of them was our bedroom.

Then 11yo DS camping with friends. One (usually very nice and polite) friend suddenly starts shouting " Oh for fuck's sake Boris [his 6yo DB], you total bastard, you total fucking bastard".

Some years ago, I was awoken by DH LEAPING out of bed, somehow sending the cat sailing through the air. I asked him what the hell he was doing.
He shouted in panic "There's a rat! And it's crawling up my arse!" 😂😂

I still can't breathe when I think about it.

My sleep talking is a rather recent development. It only happens when I'm in a very deep sleep, and there is only one word. Said every 5 minutes or so for an extended period of time. Apparently said with much enthusiasm - "Bum".

DP woke me up because he was laughing so hard the bed shook the first time I did it.

I do this!!

I sort of drop off and am half awake but dreaming. I had this conversation last year which is fairy typical -

DH - what you up to tomorrow?
Me - wear the stripy one?
DH - what?
Me - you HAVE TO wear the stripy one, with the yellow
DH - are you asleep square?
Me - no, you patronising fucktard
DH - what are you on about then?
Me - wear the stripy....I don't know...I might have been asleep....

I have also insisted we are in Paris and when DH has said 'look around square, where are we?' Still insisted we were in Paris a minute ago (we live no where near Paris)

I have also pushed him out of bed as punishment for cheating on me in a dream more than once....

I've woken up mid conversation a few times.

I terrified exH by demanding to know 'why is red was scary?' once.

DS also sleep talks. He howled the other night then just repeated 'noooooo, I don't want to go to bed' over and over for 5 minutes. DH and I were literally on the floor crying with laughter.