I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

When I was about 18 I woke up one morning,naked and with grass clippings on my feet. My nightie was on the bedroom floor damp with dew

No idea about that night. Freaky.

My very quiet, gentle DH has very violent aggressive dreams that involve a lot of shouting and swearing. The best bit for me (when I am not shaking and sweating after being woken from my sleep by him screaming 'fuck off, fuck off' at the Unknown own attacker) is that his sleep talking is always in his original (Irish) accent, not the English accent he developed when he started school here nearly 50 years ago. If the dream is particularly violent he will shout in a Belfast accent despite never having lived there n

Lord of the tits had me crying with laughter

I once woke up to dp giggling in his sleep....

Me: What you giggling at?
Dp: Haha you said Piss & chips, it's not piss and chips it's fish and chips
Me: errr what now?
Dp: (angrily) don't you tell me to piss on my chips, I want fucking vinegar

He doesn't even like vinegar.

One night recently I woke up because the bed kept shaking. It was dp making running and kicking motions with his legs, I kept trying to prod him awake to stop him but it went on for ages with the occasional giggle. I went to sleep on the sofa. In the morning I asked him what he was doing and he said he got all embarrassed and said all he could remember was dreaming about playing with the dog.

My DS was always busy at night, sleep walking, sleep talking. He would appear downstairs after we'd put him to bed and talk all sorts of nonsense fast asleep. We were once on holiday abroad and woke up to tapping on our bedroom window at 3am. He had rolled his bedding up into a ball and let himself out of the apartment which locked behind him and found himself stood out in the complex with it tucked under his arm. He was about 11 years old.
He once fetched me in the early hours to show me how he'd built a very complex wall and tunnel system out of his bedroom furniture and belongings and 'couldn't get out'

LovelyFriend I am Henry's proud God parent. My friend and I laugh ourselves silly over that call...I was mortified at the time when she told me about it though..

Love this thread, it's so funny.

When DS1 was little he used to sing or chat to himself in bed before he fell asleep. One night he'd been chatting away as usual then all went quiet and we knew he'd finally nodded off.

Twenty minutes later there was a loud "E-I-E-I-O!" from upstairs, then silence again.

I think he must've been learning to sing Old McDonald had a Farm at nursery

I was stroking the dog in bed, but I kept getting to a strange bit on his back. I returned to it time and time again and absentmindedly thought we'd better get him to the vet to have this odd bit checked out.

I was stroking DP. Enthusiastically. The 'odd bit' was his nipple

So so many typos sorry

I used to sleep talk and walk a lot but since having dc's it happens far less.

I used to dream quite a lot that someone was coming in my bedroom and would stand at my bedroom door screaming while holding it closes - in my mind I was pushing against someone who was trying to get the door open, but of course there was no one there. Poor dh would get a fright.

In the past I unplugged my bedside light, wrapped up the wire and sat the lamp in dh's shoulder. No idea what that was about.

I have also shouted. "Morning" from the open bedroom window (it was summer and we were ground floor) - when dh asked me who I was talking to I replied "the squirrels"

When I was younger my mum would often weaken to find me looking in her jewellery box murmuring "ah gorgeous...beautiful" etc.

I've done lots and lots of random things over the years.

DH told me one morning that I'd sobbed in my sleep, "No. Please help me - it's acrylic."

I sleep dialed my best friend and told her to name her soon to be adopted child HENRY NO HIDDEN TALENTS SMITH
I hope she believed you!

Great thread

I've sat up in bed and woken XP and told him to tell the elephant at the end of the to leave the bedroom as it wasn't listening to me, the elephant isn't allowed in the house and must stay in the garden. (we didn't have a garden)

Best ever though was when I woke myself up with full belly/body laughing. I have no idea what was funny but it was actually one of the best episodes of laughter I've ever had, on waking I kept laughing for quite some time and I was so happy that it woke me up so I could enjoy it.

I sleep talk when I am jet lagged. I woke my dh up once shouting " I do not like the service in this hotel! We were at home..

He found me asleep on the toilet trying to drive the towel rack..I kept shouting about not taking it out of park.

I sleep dialed my best friend and told her to name her soon to be adopted child HENRY NO HIDDEN TALENTS SMITH...and then hung up the phone.

My DH woke me up to ask if I had enough sandwiches for my picnic? There was no picnic planned

Growing up, I shared a room with my sister. She told me that one night, I declared "a wasp in a sock is a shop". Well quite.
Another time I sat up saying "if I press this button" & dsis asking "what button?" (I remember that it was really urgent, and as I woke up, the reason was lost & confused) & another time I woke her by shouting that there was a volcano in the room & she told me to go back to sleep. I felt surprised at her lack of gratitude.

Hi sis if you're reading this!

DD used to talk in her sleep as a child - many's the time I used to wake up and dash in, thinking she really needed me.
DH's best one was when he sat bolt upright and announced' The bears are bunching! There's NO organisation in the marketplace!'
Me.. wha??

Cakesonatrain I have done the same thing - my sister has video evidence of me on the sofa asleep hungover at my parents shouting "hello" louder and louder while the phone rang. When I finally woke up I remember feeling furious that it was still ringing because dsis called the landline from her mobile so she could laugh at me

I have also told DH to put his gloves on because he needs to hold my hand and I'll take him to the park. We have no dc and I don't work with children

And for DH, he regularly talks / shouts / swears in his first language, and he has pushed me out of bed more than once but my favourite episode of his was when he woke me by banging the wardrobe door open and shut and switching on the light. Then this conversation happened
Me - what are you doing?
DH - ssssshhhhhh
Me - get back into bed
DH - I don't want a bath. I can't protect them from there
Me - protect who?
DH - you and the swarm
He then wandered to the landing and led down muttering about "them" "going to battle" and "yes I think m&ms might help". All said with an odd fake-posh accent. Tis lucky I love him

DH has just reminded me I once woke him to tell him I wanted to move house. It went along the lines of
Me. DH we need to move
DH. Eh?
Me. We need to move, to move house
DH. Do we?
Me. Yes, yes, of course we do
DH. Why?
Me. It's the mini-mice. Look at them. We need to move when they have gone to work tomorrow so they don't know where we've gone
DH .......OK
Me (I was agitated apparently) Promise? Do you promise?

Another time, he woke up and I was standing at the window. He asked me what I was doing and I said 'The man is out there again under the tree waiting for me. Don't let him get me'. And I got back into bed as if nothing had happened.

I can't remember any of it at all.

I once got out of bed and insisted that XDP (who was still up) come and find the radioactive glowing mouse that had run under the bed.

Or so I'm told.

Omg Seriously crying with laughter reading this in bed, DP is staring at me like I'm a complete moron
Love it, has to go in classics!

Was reading this earlier but not caught up.

My dhs was

(While doing a massive stretch)

LOTS OF ROOM

I'm outed

My DH kicked me really hard the other night. Totally oblivious he turned over and stayed asleep. When I told him next morning he said he had a really vivid dream about playing football at Wembley and he had a great shot! No kidding!!

I was once woken early in the morning but my then boyfriend asking, very seriously, 'So do your chickens roost on you at night?'

I have never had chickens. Let alone let them roost on me!

I'm going to read this whole thread later.

DS sleeptalks but we can't often hear what he's saying.
I remember once the phone was ringing when DH was asleep and he kept saying "Hello?" trying to answer the phone, without moving. I found it bloody hilarious at the time.

Ooh just remembered some more!

My DC's aren't really in the habit of sleep talking but once when I was checking on DD, just as I was going to bed, she rolled over and gave a happy sigh while saying '...bottom'.

My DSis tells me that she recently had a dream about Vladimir Putin starring in a Broadway show with a load of crackers. She woke up giggling 'Putin on the Ritz!'