I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

My friends DH sleep talks and once said "ahh. ... trains... wooh wooh (like a train noise)" He's now ribbed for being a sleeping train spotter

I wasn't quite sleep talking on this occasion, but a couple of years ago I woke up thinking I'd heard someone moving around downstairs. I jumped out of bed, wondering what to do, then went to look over the banister to see if I could spot anyone. Then shouted 'hello', because obviously burglars would reply and start a cheery conversation about what they were making off with.

There was no burglar. I went back to bed.

The next day, dh asked what had happened. According to him, I woke him jumping out of bed while making a hooting sound, then hung over the banister mumbling something incomprehensible. My 'hello' wasn't as articulate as I thought. He was most confused, and I went straight back to sleep without answering his confused questions about what the hell I was on about.

I talk in my sleep and act out my dreams.
DH. (After being woken up to the sound of me rattling the bedroom blinds) Get back into bed
Me I can't
DH Why not?
Me Because there's an old lady in a yellow anorak on the windowsill outside and I need to rescue her!
DH Wake up you buffoon, there is no lady, you're just nuts and you need to get back into bed right now.

And many many more.......

I woke myself up last night shouting "I'm walking down a corridor"

I quite often wake myself or my husband up talking or shouting.

So glad that there are so many fellow sufferers! Mine are too legion to list them all, but these are my favourite two.

Me: Chickens chickens chickens
DH:Mmmmph?
Me Chickens chickens chickens
DH: Eh?What?
Me (suddenly emphatic and leaning right into DH's face) NO! The chicken's name is SEBASTIAN! Right? SEBASTIAN!

Then there's the time I shook him awake, asked him what he was doing, then rolled up my imaginary sleeve, looked at my imaginary watch and chirped in a classic BBC English accent: "Righty-ho then!".

There's been a few stories with chickens - chickens haunt our dreams...

10 at my last count gooseberry...!!

How many cats squad?

We have two cats, one who always sleeps at the end of our bed.

Last week I woke up to DH stroking my hair and murmuring. Thought how sweet and went back to sleep.

In the morning, I woke up to hear DH getting food for the cats and talking to one about how he had cuddled up with his Daddy in the middle of the night hadn't he and how his Daddy was stroking him because he loves him and how the cat loves his Daddy more than anything.

Still not had the heart to tell him it was my ponytail.

Not sleep talking but funny all the same. When I was about 7 I went through a phase of sleeping in a sleeping bag (I was obsessed with going on a camping holiday) and one night managed to 'up-end' myself in it. I don't remember a thing about it but my mum heard a bit of a commotion coming from my bedroom and came in to find me standing upright,completely covered by the sleeping bag,shouting and struggling to get out! Probably a good thing I didn't remember as I think I would have been traumatised! Needless to say,it was a fair while before I was allowed to go to bed in a sleeping bag again.

Brilliant!

My ex was quite entertaining during the times of night feeds!
Once when dd cried, I got up to sort her out my ex helpfully told me to call the dog he'll feed her and change her just fine....

Another time was a conversation about doughnuts and not letting the gnomes eat them all.

And the creepy one was him bolt upright then saying 'here are the scissors, be carful you don't STAB yourself that would get messy... I did do a little check that night to make sure nothing sharp was around. And I never established who he was offering the helpful advice to!

Just to let everyone know, I do not habitually speak to my dh in that manner...

This is fresh from last night...We are on a road trip today and it must have been on my mind. My husband told me I woke him up a 4am by poking him to shout " YOU DRIVE, I WILL LOOK AT SCENERY, ASSHOLE".

Somebody I know got up, got dressed and went shopping whilst asleep

I was at work last night and got a text from dh informing me that ds had been sleep walking again and had peed on the lid of the toilet. Dh only discovered this when he went to the bathroom desperate for a wee himself and had to clean it up with his legs crossed. Still, it's better than doing it on the floor of his bedroom or in the hallway which is his usual trick when sleep walking.

Dear lord, I'm crying at my desk.

No the OTHER cats. The ones that steal things.

Making plans with a long-dead cat to replace the doors with duvets.
YOU'RE NOT THE FRUIT QUEEN ANY MORE

DH's classic was turning to me with a satisfied smile and murmuring "Mmmm.....gravy time"

apparently cheerfully drove DH's dick off up the road...

I'm catching up on this thread while having lunch in the office. The above made me laugh so much there were tears rolling down my cheeks.

One of my colleagues has just come over to see why I'm in tears and the guy next to me has just apologised for not noticing that I was crying.

..... And I can't even explain why I'm laughing so hard.

I have proper sensible conversations while asleep but only if spoken to first. DH hasn't twigged that it's pointeless telling me anything important as I shan't remember.

DH says "I'm not asleep" sometimes if he's snoring & I tell him to shut the fuckup

My DM once woke my DF by sitting up & plucking repeatedly along his body through the duvet & announcing "I'm picking apples"

DD talks in her sleep. DCs are bilingual (we live overseas) and the other night she was having a nightmare in French. I didn't understand what she was saying so there i was evesdropping with my collins dictionary trying to translate her nightmare. Somebody wasn't giving something back...apparently

Years ago, DH said 'Stop pissing me off when I am trying to learn Word 6' Bizarre. Still laugh about it now!