I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

Many years ago we watched 'The Haunting of Emily Rose'. (the basic premise is that as Christ was Crucified at 3pm then 3am is the Devils hour and that is when spirits possess the living, throughout the movie 3am is the theme) That was crap says I. Didn't bother me at all! Load of nonsense!

3am I woke up. As I lay there DH began making a very weird noise in his throat. As I lay there in the dark I convinced myself he was being possessed. Whilst this ridiculous nonsense is going round my mind DH threw his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug. I screamed. He yelled, woke up with a start (clearly not possessed) and I put the light on in sheer terror.

I don't watch scary films now.

Oh, and I once bollocked him for jumping around and shaking the bed. It was an earthquake

Both myself and my DP sleep talk / walk (although somehow, never on the same night as each other).

Apparently my best was after a big weekend event at work all about the apple harvest, I clearly told him that I 'wanted some appley fun' and started miming how to peel an apple.

His best was me walking up and found him clinging to my legs at the bottom of the bed and attacking his pillow until it fell on the floor! He thought the pillow had attacked him first apparently!

Not sleeptalking, but exBF did this weird thing while rolling over in bed where he had one arm raised, rolled onto his back, transferred an invisible object from one hand to the other and continued rolling onto his other side. Turns out he was dreaming that he was holding a pint of beer and was trying not to spill it

I'm sniggering and getting funny looks from fellow bus passengers.

Lord of the Tits would be an awesome MN name:o

My DH wakes up about once a month, turns lights on and starts looking for something. Behind curtains, under duvet. It's usually a bloody invisible golf ball.

That's preferable to ex who once had a detailed if onesided conversation with my flatmate about his chainsaw.
Whilst naked...

momb that is brilliant! Your DH must have crapped himself!

DS(2) sleep talks / sings. I woke up the other night to an eerie midnight rendition of ring o'roses.

Lord of the Tits

I have an app that records my sleep talking (as DH finds it fascinating but can never remember it the next day). Highlights include:

"Fingery fingeryfingeryfingery...fingery melty chocolates..."

"Robots will be wanting daggers soon." (terrifying)

"BETTY! Pisscokes... ...missed...me..."

And my fave...
Me: "A journey of...activity."
DH: "What do you mean?"
Me: "In between...the sexy times."

My daughter snuck into bed with me the other week. In the morning she asked me why I kept saying y and q y and q. I remembered I was dreaming about algebra!
My husband asked me one morning about the whereabouts of the caramel brick. I wish I knew the answer

A few weeks back DH quite aggressively burst out with "Don't you fucking dare" Grrr, he then continued murmuring aggressively at someone for a few more seconds.
He was really annoyed at someone in that dream!
That same week he fell out of bed twice and said a few other things. Gotta love medication side effects!

DD is taking after DH but I never catch or remember anything she says.

Dh talks in his sleep. He's very vague, which is funny as he's the least vague person when awake. He's also very obedient.
He's also the only person that can switch his alarm off five times and have no recollection of doing it.

Ds laughs in his sleep. A real belly laugh.

DH very rarely sleep talks but 3yo DD woke me a couple of nights ago by leaning over and saying "is it the salt or is it the pepper mummy?". That was weird.

One time he suddenly shouted 'WOOOO!!!' as if he were doing a Mexican wave.

I really laughed at that, you must have shit a brick when he did that

I actually do stuff in my sleep ( to DH and not in a sexy way)

I was dreaming I had babies crawling in my bed and I patted a bum and it was bare. So I said to it

"We will put a nappy on that before you wet the bed'

Deep voice answers 'you fucking won't - I am house trained already'

I woke up with my hand on DHs arse...

Another one - I woke up stood next to DH who was in bed looking bemused as I had turned him over 'to protect his pressure areas'.....

Dh swears up a storm when he's asleep - it's very disconcerting as he never swears when awake. But the most recent one that made me laugh was when he announced, in his sleep, "the name's Bond, James Bond".

The least likely looking suave double agent you'll never see!

DH chats away in his mother tongue. It's probably best I don't understand much of it...

I have been involved in engineering meetings in the middle of the night mostly (DH has woken me as he talks through a meeting - if I respond he sometimes settles back into deep, quiet, sleep faster!).

I know we've had weird other conversations too, and I think I've woken him the odd time as well - I just can't remember them now. But I know there were mornings when 1 of us is utterly bewildered at the other, the other looks back stupefied, and we fall around laughing for a few minutes...

Apparently I once sleep-whined to DH " I don't want to go to Shetland. I don't want to be a pony".

No idea.

GunShot crawlfin sounds like one of those B movie type films you get on scifi channel. Turtleshark vs Crawlfin.

My DP and DD sleeptalk. I could deal with that. But now DD occasionally sleepwalks. She scared the shit out of me a few months ago when I woke up in the night and she was standing about 2 foot from my bed in silence staring at me. Creepy as fuck.

My DH does this, my favourite is him mumbling about "smoky coloured pointy trouser shoes". (What are trouser shoes?) I've often joked that I've seen some in TK Maxx.

He also once said "werewolves with strawberries down their back". Not quite sure what that was all about

My DD (16) sleep texted me last week:

proof :-/

It was quite creepy!

Lord of the Tits!

My DH used to. These will totally out me to people I've told (:wave:) and I've probably told them on here before.

One time he suddenly shouted 'WOOOO!!!' as if he were doing a Mexican wave. He was completely straight faced throughout.

Another time we had this conversation:

Him: Eurghh!
Me: What??
Him: A medical instrument specifically looked like a cock and balls. It has the shape.

And my favourite:

Me (on waking up late for work): What time is it??
Him (listing mumbled words): mumble, mumble, mumble, The BFG...
Me: Err, no. What time is it?
Him: Oh, 4th of May.
Me: No, what time?
Him: Oh, 7:30.
I went to have a shower then came back
Me: What were you saying about The BFG?
Him: I thought you asked what giants there were.

doughnuts "ahh...horses.." that's really got me I don't know why.