I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

I am awful for sleep talking I was chatting about marmalade to my dp on my last one
???

My naked DP got up for the loo and walked back into the wrong room and the wrong bed and spooned my poor elderly DM.

Oh blimey. I'm creasing with laughter!

I'm usually one to talk nonsense just after being half woken up or just about to fall asleep.
Once when I was poorly I shouted at an ExP because I was convinced he was pushing a piece of glass at my face. Not the pointy bit, just like the flat side.

When I was younger my Mum came into my room and asked me to turn off the lamp next to my bed. I then sat up, eyes open but still asleep and started wafting my arm around on the wrong side of the bed. My mum informed me it was on the other side and I shouted "I KNOW!!" then lay straight back down without attempting the other side! ;)

I have lots of conversations now in my sleep with DP but rarely do I ever remember them. I think it's just a load of random rubbish.

I'm starting to wonder if DSS sleep walks on occasion, sometimes he will wake up cry and I will go into his room to see him just standing on the other side of it crying. I just lead him back to bed and he is instantly asleep again. There is no interaction and he must have walked before starting to cry as I'm awake and in his room like a shot if he cries. Very bizarre.

I punched an ex in the face then shouted at him for waking me up when he yelled out in pain.

Apparently this morning I woke DH up crying that 'they're taking our special lemon tree! Don't let them take our special lemon tree!'

I don't even like lemons!

I woke my dd up the other morning. She started crawling around the bed looking for the cat. Apart from saying "where's the cat?" It sounded like she was talking in another language. For 5 minutes she crawled all over the bed looking for the cat beforeshe woke up. Unfortunately for dd we don't even have a cat!!!

Last week (while delirious with a high temp), i woke dp up crying because they wouldn't believe me. When asked who wouldnt belive me about what I apparently informed him that the mermaids wouldn"t believe me that i wasn't one.
Ten mins later i woke him again this time kicking him. My explaination for this is i was showing the mermaids that i had two legs not a tail and i really needed the mermaids to hide me from the something before it ate me for being a mermaid.
I have no recollection of any of the conversation with dp but do remember flashing my legs at some guy in a bazarr type market (which was housed in a weird combo of a school gym hall and my wedding venues foyer) while begging him to save me because i have to make curry for the minions. (The actual minions not my kids).

Unfortunately I can't blame the high temp for this as i am prone to weirdness of this sort on an extremely regular basis. This also includes waking long suffering aforementioned dp with numerous (non sexy time) physical contact; most recently mon night by scratching his leg, instead of mine and then punching him for still being itchy.

I love this thread.

I once woke up to DH singing "Happy Birthday".

My mum once woke up to my dad shouting "help! The bitch has got me!" (Or something to that effect). He had the duvet very tight around his neck and when awake stated that my mum was strangling him in his dream

A couple of nights ago I fell asleep on DD's bedroom floor when I put her to bed. DH came to wake me up and this was our conversation:

Me (half asleep): where is DD's tree? She needs it.
DH: tree? A toy?
Me: you know her tree. You know it.
DH: what?
Me: big sigh, this is not going to work.

DH left me there. I had no recollection in the morning.

I had a fever once and DH woke me up to have paracetamol. I remember thinking he was entering me into a competition and I kept saying "we need to do it faster. Come on". DH couldn't help laughing and then I apparently held his hand and said "wait, wait, what are we actually trying to do here?". And then I fell asleep!

My sister once declared 'I'll only have it if it's yellow!' Eldest sister nearly shit herself in the room next door as it was so loud. Still about 25 years on have no clue what she's on about.

Nephew used to sleep talk. I loved winding him up asking who such and such a girl was he'd mentioned in his sleep. Shame I don't live in the same house anymore!

I once declared "I'm a lovely little Coconut".

This thread is so funny.

I'm a big sleep talker/walker. Once woke dh and made him look in the wardrobe for baby hamsters. Actually woke up in the wardrobe once probably looking for hamsters

My friends found me wandering out onto the balcony of our hotel room. Scary stuff! They locked the door and hid the key after that.

D.p talks about the surfs he tells me that the surfs are coming to get him and they are angry and that papa surf is especially bad.

Oddly, I also had dreams about John Smiths. It was the only keg that actually went 'boom' when I tried to change it. I would wake my ex by trying to pull pints.

My only others are trying to lace shoes and shouting to my parents that I will 'stab a cunt'.Fun times

And Mrs Quack, do fuck off. There's a dear pat

For the last two night's I've woken myself loudly exclaiming 'ahha'.
Not Alan Partridge style, but like I've had a major revelation. I have absolutely no recollection what I was dreaming about though.

I laugh too now ;-)
And "it' as just s mosquito" has become part of the family vernacular.

This happened years ago- these days I just say " oh stop it, you're dreaming" and give him a shove. Heaven forbid he is ever genuinely warning me of some horror, after all these years of sleep crying wolf.

OMG Astrophe that must have been a long, terrifying 10 minutes!!

I shouldn't laugh but I am!

Oh goodness, what a thread!

Once I awoke to find DH with his face inches for mine, whispering urgently
"quick, get up, go, get out of here!"
I was crapping myself, whispered back "what, where should I go?"
DH "just go, get out, go into the bathroom"

So I went into the bathroom, stayed there for about 10 terrified minutes, then Returned cautiously to find DH fast asleep. I shoved him and asked what was all that about and he answered, smiling: "ah, nothing, it was just a mosquito".

Another time he was staying with friend in the country, where is was really dark. DH's mate heard him calling out "help...heeeeelllp" in a moany voice in the middle of the night. Mate went into DHs room, found him sitting on the foot of the bed. Apparently he had been dreaming he was locked inside a shipping container.

DH talks most nights, but usually just exclamations of frustration..." Oh far out, are you serious... you can't be serious! "" Etc...I'm assuming related to work and not me!

Exh and I once lived in a not so great area of london. I woke up in the middle of the night once to see someone standing behind our frosted glass bedroom door in the hallway. Nearly had a heart attack before realising exh wasn't next to me and was sleep walking/standing!

littlegreyauditor that "lurking offshore in the half light" is like some menacing poetry in the manner of the rhyme of the ancient mariner, or something from Dr Who, most impressed!

In crying with laughter at 'Lord if the tits'and 'we will have to put a nappy on that bum before you do a wee' and 'you're not going to be the fruit queen anymore' and There's a rat! And it's crawling up my arse!" 😂😂

I literally have tears pouring down my face and I'm only halfway through the thread! I'm going back to finish reading..

My brothers and I sleeptalked to varying degrees as children, the freakiest one being my youngest bro having a night terror and my mum running in to calm him down, whereupon he looked at her with a look of absolute horror and screamed out "Behind you, it's behind you" mum was so freaked she turned round expecting some ghoulish monster leering at her.

The theory is that during night terrors your vision is distorted so he was looking at my mums head and it was all stretched out and distorted - bit like a lava lamp - and so looked like there was another face in the room.

I've done the waking up convinced the spiders are on me and woken dh up with my frantic swatting.

My DP woke me the other night by shouting 'Don't!' I nearly hit the roof I jumped that much then I slightly nudged him with my elbow and he shouted 'ouch what did you do that for?' It took me ages to get back to sleep

As in what the fuck do caterpillars do noise wise. ? I was crying