I haven't been active on mn for a while, but I find myself with no-one IRL to ask. Which is fucking ridiculous, I know. It's not that I don't have some good friends. But I feel stupid for being so uncertain about this. Also, like they might judge me for thinking about this so soon. (I was widowed 16 months ago. We were together for 18 years, right from Uni, married for 15. 3 kids who are amazing but still broken hearted. FUCK CANCER.)
Anyway, deep breath. I've become close to someone over the past 6 weeks while emailing about a project we're both involved with in different ways. (Both freelancers in creative fields who work on several projects at a time - this is the only one where our involvement overlaps.) This particular project is very personal to me, as it touches on loss and grief, and our e-conversations became quite deep and I felt like we clicked, and would perhaps become friends. I didn't think about him romantically before we met - mainly I think, because I'm too busy to think about anything much beyond my kids and my work.
On Friday evening we met for the first time, at the official launch of the project. There were a lot of people there, and I'm not gregarious (especially as this was the first big event I've gone along to since everything, and am still receiving some awkward condolences) and he clearly is outgoing. But we ended up chatting in a corner for nearly an hour, couldn't stop talking. I fell for him hard - massive, instant crush 
. He's so tall, and his eyes are so blue, and I'd forgotten how nice it is to smell an attractive man, and listen to a deep voice... stupid stuff. Then we were interrupted and chatted to other people, though I kept looking over and seeing him smiling at me. I don't think I've smiled so much in ages. I had to leave to catch last train home while event was in full swing, and was too shy to go over and say goodbye.
I haven't heard from him in the few days since (though wouldn't have expected to). But my friend, who is heavily involved with this project and got me the gig, phoned me last night to say that he got her aside, after I left, and said that we had a connection that had come across in our emails and even more in person, and asked her if I had started dating. She told him that I haven't. That I'm not over my husband, and that my kids need a lot of my time. I guess that's all just about accurate. (I've been to a few dinner parties where I've been sat next to flirtatious single men who have not interested me at all.) Or has been, until now. She said she felt bad at discussing me behind my back, and also at speaking for me, but she didn't act like she thought she was materially wrong in what she'd said. I was too embarrassed/tongue tied to correct her. She's right. But also... he feels this connection too? He wants to know if I'm dating?
I've done no work since the school run this morning, just written a list of all the reasons why pursuing this would be a bad idea. (He doesn't have kids, and is I think a few years younger than me. I'm not having any more kids - couldn't do that to mine.)
Also, I have no time! I have a fucking spreadsheet rather than a diary, so full is my time. (My parents come and stay to have the kids one weekend a month, but that's it. One weekend a month for me, which I usually spend in a B&B on the coast, reading and running.)
And another also. He thinks I'm not dating, and I don't know how I'd let him know that I might be interested in dating (him). Should I call back my friend? Correct her, and she could tell him? Or would that look unprofessional, with this project? Shall I wait until it's over (at least 6 months)? Could I in the meantime at least ask her if he's as nice as he seems?
Lots of questions. Even writing this has helped clear my mind a bit. Thanks if you've read it. Any advice much appreciated.