My parents are mad (lighthearted)

My Dad has a mobile phone that he won't take outside with him. He is worried he may lose it so only keeps it at home. It is therefore pointless him having it as we may as well just call him on the home phone.

My parents are obsessed with routine. They are both retired so can be flexible with when they do things, but will always do things on the exact same day each week even if that's the most inconvenient day of the week for them. E.G, The shopping has to be done a Friday, even if they have several appointments or whatever on that day, just because that's the day they do shopping, even if every other day of the week they were free. This is fine but they will then complain about having to fit everything in on a Friday, as though somehow they don't have a choice in the matter.

just to be fair to all these appliance turner offers.

Old fashioned TVs did have the potential to burst into flames spontaneously. We were always told that you should turn them off at the plug over night, or when away on holiday etc.

I assume that modern tvs no longer have this capacity, but the habit dies hard. And we still have a fat tv in our bedroom, so there are still a lot of them around.

loving the "extra phone for the car"

This thread should go in classics!

My new phrase for keeping someone occupied and out of range:
Please go and make me a cat hammock
Thanks , CaptainWarbeck.

Too, not to and actually I meant either!

Directions, yes! My mum refuses to drive on motorways. Fair enough but she thinks nobody else should use them to. Casually mentioning that we plan to go somewhere always results in a lengthy description of the route we could take to avoid the motorway.
She also like to warn DH about road works, accidents etc that she's heard about on the travel news. She never warns me about them despite the fact that I drive to work and DH goes by train!

Oh god ... and directions! Driving with DM, who's 'navigating'.

DM: Turn left up here

Me: [moves over into left-hand lane]

DM: no, the other way

Me: you mean right?

DM: it's just around this corner

Me: there's nothing here, mum

DM: it's just a bit further down this road

[45 minutes later, we've done a complete circle and are back where we started...Eventually persuade her we can believe the SATNAV. Arrive at destination - eventually]

DM: see, I told you I'd get us here

My late dad got a mobile phone, never switched the damn thing on, but professed that it was such an excellent thing be thought he'd get another one 'for in the car'. It's a mobile dad, just take the damn thing with you!

Totally out me, but my MIL used to have a "display mirror" which no one was allowed to look in...

Also, my dad used to turn the broadband off at 12 every night so that it could "have a rest"

My grandma also does the telling you info about random people spiel. Except she usually finishes her story off with a, 'of course, she's terribly old you know.' My grandma is 88.

Friends DM likes giving her DH random handy jobs to do. Last time it was a cat hammock for their cat George.

There was much kerfuffle about getting the position of the hammock exactly right to catch the morning sun. Hammock was dutifully constructed. Cat has used it approximately twice.

Pissing myself at the notebook to record how many times the Eos roof had gone up and down! And the bald stalks in the garden!

my dad has a mobile phone that he never switches on. He has rung my mum maybe once, she missed the call rung him straight back and he'd switched it straight off again!

my mum is mobile savvy although was adamant that the reason why she didn't get a tone when i texted her was because my phone was on silent not something she'd done to her phone.

Woe betide you leave a light on in a room you arent in and every single scrap of food waste has to go in the food bin. Literally everything.

DM: Did you hear about X?
Me: Who's X?
DM: You know X, she's going out with Y.
Me: No, no idea.
DM: You do know them, on Coronation Street!
Me: I don't watch the soaps, I haven't watched them since DD1 was a baby.
DM: You should watch them! (Proceeds to tell me all about X and Y and the current plotline of a soap I haven't watched for over 13 years!)

This is the same woman who bought a corkscrew one day, thinking someone had mentioned they needed one. When she got home she remembered who it was. Shane and Angel in Home and Away!

ThomasRichard I was a 13 year old girl in 2001 too

Oh, and all sink plugs must be kept in at all times (except when letting water away obv) in case a water snake or bug comes up the pipe. not a normal occurrence in Scotland to be honest

All windows to remain closed at all times, even in the height of summer because a wood louse might come in.

How about keeping a tin of dog food on the kitchen window sill to deter burglars? No dog though.

Or posting a random bus timetable to dh in case he needed it. From the Lake District - we live in Scotland.

Or following the window cleaner from room to room as he worked his way round on the outside of the house, standing and glaring silently at him daring him to miss a bit. He never did come back

sdt our TV did blow up when the aerial was hit by lighting. Very loud bang, glass everywhere and no TV for 2 weeks while the insurance was sorted out. But those were the days when the tvs were the size if a house !

Fastingmum. I think teaching the cat to use the door knocker is genius - hahaha!

Mine are slightly bonkers too. Love them dearly. Dad told Mum she could use the Internet to do online banking. She thought she could pay money in by feeding a cheque into a slot, hee hee.

My mum and stepdad like to go out for a cup of tea and a scone, everyday.
Nothing stops them, floods, snow, ice, apocalypse; nothing.
A couple of years ago they went for their daily cuppa after heavy snow where we live (West Yorkshire), choosing a back road near Emley Moor, high and exposed.
The car got stuck in snow and a guy in a four by four towed them out. They got stuck again, a group of blokes from a nearby house pushed them out. They got stuck again and a farmer towed them out using his tractor. They managed to get to the cafe which, due to the weather, was shut.
We were affected by the recent floods, but this didn't stop them. Nothing but nothing interrupts the daily tea and bun run.

My mum also loves gardening but hates leaves on plants. She cut all the leaves off her raspberry plants, because the "leaves are stopping the rain getting to the roots". Her garden is full of bald stalks.

This sounds like my parents who are just hitting 70.

They turn the intern off between uses "because of hackers". To be fair they have accepted now that when we arrive (me and teen dc) that the internet just remains on, well at least until bedtime which is also 10pm.

My dad asks the night before, who wants toast for breakfast and then brings in the exact number of slices of bread from the freezer. At breakfast we discuss whats happening at lunch time and tea time and again, the daily allowance of bread is brought in from the freezer to defrost.

My dad washes everything up by hand despite having a dishwasher,

I got told one day that I would have to have a peach yoghurt because the dog wanted the lemon one and there were only two left. How this was determined I don't know, but it did arrive open, so I have my suspicions.

Tangerines I think she just bludgeoned him into submission with the sheer volume of emails. And she is quite a nice lady really.

She also has an obsession with shredding everything.

I do respond to a lot of comments with, 'Have you been reading the Daily Mail again?' as she is convinced most of what she reads is true. Letting her loose on the internet has its drawbacks.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles you can't say "shall we.." in my dps house because the dog will think it's time for a walk and start mithering.

My dad goes to bed at 8 pm "because that's when the dog gets tired"

And if you make toast, you have to make an extra piece, because the dog likes it and it's not fair on him if you don't give him a bit. Didn't say that when I was 6 and wanted some of your Toblerone though did you old man!?

My dps have been married for 35+ years and without a shadow of a doubt, the dog (who is a boy) is the love of my dad's life.

nattyknitter haha I love the un son has given in and sends her Christmas greetings, that's brilliant :)

My ex-FIL used to get sent up into the loft by ex-MIL every 6 months to hoover it. Yup, not only had they boarded out he loft they'd carpeted it too! It wasn't even one of those lofts that was the top floor of the house type of rooms, just a loft space with a drop down ladder...

MIL wouldn't steam veg as it made it poisonous (steamed veg releases toxins you know) but she'd microwave it to buggery instead.