My parents are mad (lighthearted)

Quietattheback Un-son hero

Lol at fastingmum123's nan teaching her cat to use the door knocker! When my dear old mum was alive she insisted on unplugging everything that she could before going to bed otherwise it was 'a fire hazard',including any mobile phones that were charging. Used to drive me mad when I got up in the morning to find my phone battery still dead. Also she used to insist that everything on the TV was a repeat,except when it actually was,then she would insist it was new.

And yes all appliances must be unplugged unless they are in use. Including the radio, microwave, kettle, toaster, oven....

From my darling departed dad...I had bought some very cute Easter decorations for my mum and wanted to hang them on some twigs/branches in avase - an 'Easter tree', I suppose. So I phoned dad and asked if he could cut a few suitable sized twigs from their large garden. This was followed by a large intake of breath followed by "It's the wrong time of the year for twigs"

My Dad has sort of stolen their neighbours' cat. He thinks that because they work full time (and are lesbians), they can't possibly know how to look after a cat. He sits stroking it and talking to it all day long (and I think the neighbours are a bit cross about their cat being there so much).

He does have grandchildren but isn't as interested in them.

I'm 64. We never turn everything off at night...or even when wego away for a holiday.

We don't go to bed at 10pm.

We don't watch midsomer murders.

I'm seriously concerned for our mental health!

My DM won't let me get rid of clutter without going through and querying why I want to get rid of it in the first place. She can't bear to see it recycled or go to the charity shop so she takes it home.

Six months later, because she doesn't like taking her tat to the charity shop, she brings it halfway across the country to me, trying to find it all a useful home.

Forgetting, presumably, that this is where she picked it up from in the first place.....

My gran used to have long conversations with me about people she knew and I had barely heard of so often I was only half listening. One day she started off by saying:
"You know my friend X well her son Y got married last week".
Me: "oh yes.."
Her: "lovely wedding and his wife is such a nice lady too. Do you know her?"
Me: "Er no, I don't think so".
Her: "Oh I am sure you do, she is in that thing with the ship. I think she's called Kate". Turned out it was Kate Winslet!

Oh Fith I proper lol'd!

Yes to never using the dishwasher, obsessive locking of doors/gates, and gossiping about someone you don't know. My mother goes one step further and makes me swear blind not to pass on the gossip despite the fact that a) its rarely interesting enough for me to bother telling someone else anyway and b) if I don't know the person she's on about, it's even less likely that my hypothetical extended circle of gossip receivers are going to identify them.

DFather also has bizarre anxiety re: the tv recorder being too full. As soon as there are more than 10 things on there he starts interrogating everyone in the house to establish who taped it, have they watched it yet, do they want to watch it (um...yes, that's why it was taped) are they going to watch it soon, and if not can he delete it? He's not really happy unless its kept at 95% free capacity which is about three weeks worth of solid programming, so no idea what he wants to use it for. Used to drive me mad when I was at home and would record a film for a rainy day only to find it deleted a few hours later. He gets so worked up when they come back off holiday and their recorded shows have reduced the free space to about 90% he watches his on fast forward so he can delete them quicker

They're not even old (mid 50s).

My favourite so far is the granny writing on the table re: out of date food. Imagine family members shaking their heads 'I knew those left over sausages would be the death of her!'

I bought my parents a digibox several years ago because I was sick of accidentally phoning them during their tv programme of choice (typically New Tricks or Silent Witness) and then them refusing to talk to me. Once they could pause the tv it was revolutionary!

My dad has pruned a hedge into the shape of a snowman. It has accessories, it's holding a rake and I think has a carrot nose. He did it a couple of winters ago and it hasn't snowed sufficiently since :)

Loving this thread! Nattyknitter my mum has also done this with emails! She was insistent she had sent me loads of emails which I never received. It wasn't till a couple of weeks later when she got an email back from a lady with the same name as me telling her to stop emailing her that she realised she had mistyped the address. Goodness know what she sent the poor woman. My mother also unplugs the tv before going anywhere, and my grandparents unplug the router when internet not in use. It then takes about half an hour for the router to "warm up" before you can get on the internet!

My Mum comes out with mind boggling things about gay people

I once stopped with some gay friends and my Mum asked about it. I told her we had a take away pizza...I didnt usually eat dairy and I said my friends had been watching their food intake so it was a bit of a treat for all of us.

Mum..."so are they fat then ?

Me..."Erm no they just would feel happier with a little weight off".

Mum "Is it because the're gay that the're fat ?

Me..."WTF"

Then went off on her 'well people say'

I think I was about 11 or so when I realised that my DF is quite, quite mad.

When I was a child:

• if he was off work (travelling salesman) he would make me soup from scratch every day when I got home from school. Even in the hight of summer. Given that he did this by boiling potatoes, peas and carrots together and then attacking it with a stick blender, the results were utterly gross and always led to tantrums (from him) when I refused to eat it.
• he would religiously set aside half an hour every Saturday after going to the bookies to "help" me with my rugby training. This involved him standing in the garden stock still while I tackled him at the knees. He's always been a skinny wee beggar, and I was a broad, muscular fourteen year old boy. I refused to continue after breaking his collarbone again. He still reminisces about this fondly because his shoulder now moves funny when you press it and he likes to startle the unwary by showing them.
• every night he would be in his pyjamas by 7pm without fail. DM and I would be absolutely mortified by this as he would still get changed even if we had visitors. He picked me up after training once at about 8pm, just wearing his pyjamas, slippers and a ratty leather jacket over the top. It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd stayed in the car, but he came to the touchline to "cheer me on".

Nowadays, he has a habit of buying me utterly random stuff when he's out and about and presenting me with it in an Aldi carrier bag at the pub. It can be anything from a new pair of shoes to a book on Morris Minors to five kilos of unshelled pistacios. If I buy him anything, he always refuses to take it because he "already has everything he needs".

He's also one of those who will pick up the thread of a conversation from a couple of hours ago and then lurch straight into it from a totally different topic. My DB and I have long since mentally adjusted to his synaptic misfires and worry that we're getting that way ourselves.

He always insists on leaving the radio on when he goes out, so that burglars think there's somebody in. He lives in sheltered housing now, with about five security doors between his flat and any potential burglars.

He once rang me at 7am on a Saturday morning to warn me not to iron while naked as I might "accidentally burn my penis". I still wake up with nightmares about this and shudder to think of the events that led him to warn me about it.

I love the old man dearly, but he really is a total fruit loop. Mercifully, DM is as sane and normal as the day is long; this probably goes a long way to explaining their divorce, tbh.

you know the scariest thing is ...... WE WILL BE THERE
and as much as we say we wont ... it'll happen.

My mother is utterly barking. We stayed recently and were asked to bring indoor shoes because the cat was incontinent. We have to bring our own pillows so that the guest pillows are kept 'for best'. She stayed with us recently and brought her own pillows. I got shouted out for looking at my mobile during tv-watching as 'we are meant to be watching this together'... Despite the fact every 2 minutes the tv was interrupted by her talking!! Food that clearly says 'cooked from chilled' is left out on the counter 'it tastes better that way'(covered with salmonella). Uneaten food from restaurants is taken home in a doggy bag even if half-eaten (half a nugget, anyone?). I have to hide any treats I have as if she spots them she takes them home 'as you obviously don't want it if you haven't eaten it yet'. They will then sit in her cupboard until out of date and fed to the birds. Wrapping paper is kept and folded for 'next time'.

Don't get me started on my dad. He has been wearing the same jumper for 30 years (despite owning a ridiculous amount of unrented property just in case they have to move in !).

Stepdad even more barking but examples would out me! As would craziest antics of my mother.

Don't get me started in MIL.. Thankfully she lives in a different country..... A whole new level of crazy.

I don't think I am in any way inheriting those crazy ways.... (Just don't take My Spot on the sofa.....)

that why they are well off , cos their tight! but just think of the inheritance lol (joke)
It would drive me insane if my mum was like that she is 73 this year has sky but that about it , but my god far from anything like you parents lol ( meant in a nice way)
She swears , sits in silence but that's cos she on her own lol. but spends money like water... so no inheritance for me HOWEVER she will give me anything i need, and her life is for living and i am glad she does what she does and has copious amounts of shoes hand bags clothes etc

A neighbour of my parents drove a car but would not turn right (across oncoming traffic) so every journey had to be meticulously planned to avoid right turns. He had it down to a fine art for local trips to the shops etc but then had an appointment at a hospital about 20 minutes (normal) driving time away. The preparation for this took a couple of weeks of map consulting and canvassing neighbour's opinions. Suggestions that maybe taking a taxi would be a good idea were pooh poohed as ridiculously extravagant. Suffice to say that when the day arrived he had to set his alarm and set off at the crack of dawn (with flask and sandwiches) and the trip took him 2 hours each way!

My grandparents had the TV blow up and a whole load of coving fall on the pillow, inches above their heads, when lightning struck the aerial in the middle of the night.
Unsurprisingly, they always unplugged the aerial after that near death experience

I think my parent's delightful nuttiness started well before my birth to be honest but there's a story re my at home birth. Mum went into labour, the midwife was called. We lived in a block of flats and dad went downstairs to meet her. Instead of greeting her, he hid and in the pitch dark, jumped out and said "boo" he scared the poor woman shitless. It was a stress free birth for my dear mum thank goodness!!
My father was a writer and worked from home. Remember at the age of 9 (yes, we went to school on our own and came back too on our own in those days) coming home from school to find a mini teddy and mini panda seated having tea at a dolls house table. I hadn't left them this way when I went to school in the morning.
I have a friend whose dad sawed off the bottom of their grandfather clock so it could go in their modern house as he thought the ceilings were too low. My dad also took the legs off a piece of furniture as he thought it would look better. It didn't. They're now back on again!

Oh dear .Am obviously soon going to be classed as bonkers by the DCs.Am mid sixties
I am guilty of telling them rambling stories about people they barely know
DH insists on the front door being locked at all times-we live on a quiet street in a respectable area When I leave the house he will hover behind me keys in hand as if he doesnt trust me to lock it..He will however go to bed leaving the patio doors into the garden and the conservatory and back doors not only unlocked but occasionally open .I tend to go to bed later and have learnt to check
DH will not have a mobile phone (despite fact he used to use one for work and is very IT savvy ) He does have bog standard PAYG since he lost me on holiday once ...
We do unplug everything except fridge
and freezer when we go away But I think that is quite sensible
I insist the DCs text me to let me know they are safely home when they have visited us -by train but have to get home across major cities from station .As they point out I have no idea if they are out late at night most of the time , so why .....
I'm sure there are more .
I am trying to.lose the habit of keeping things 'in case'

I am blessed with a brilliant DM and DMIL so we do openly mock them for their eccentricities. DM won't drive on motorways, anywhere she's never been or drive anyone else's car. She also won't get a train on her own to visit us as she'd have to change in London and would "Just end up on the wrong train or get lost on the Tube." She grew up in London.

MIL has NINE categories of rubbish and everyone had to know which bin is for what (inc. when she hosted a massive family party and around 50 people were there):

1. Vegetable matter for compost
2. Breadcrumbs/fat for birds
3. Meat and other food for the dogs not destined for compost or birds
4. All other waste food not for compost, birds or dogs
5. Recycling (plastics, metals, some paper and card)
6. Paper and card to use as kindling on the fire - this is first to be thrown away in thr waste paper basket in rlthe downstairs bathroom (you must be able to differentiate from those in recycling) and later transferred to the box by the fire
7. Nappies go in a bin bag by the front door
8. Bathroom waste goes in the same waste paper basket in the bathroom as the paper for kindling but is later sorted into general rubbish
9. General rubbish that isn't already designated in any of the above.

The food alone is a minefield.

I'm going to buy my (rather deaf) grandma a stethoscope for her phone. 😂

Cabbage there's something about having gay neighbours!

My gran lives next door to a lovely gay couple. She's fascinated by them and every time we go past grabs my arm and makes comments in a loud whisper, 'you know their garden is terribly overgrown,' and 'they've got two dogs you know, and they're huge dogs!', like these facts are somehow related to the fact that they're gay.

It wouldn't be so bad if my uncle and aunt didn't do exactly the same when you get to them two doors down. The three of them have a huge discussion about all the intricacies of this poor couple without actually mentioning they're fascinated because they're gay.

Sometimes it feels like a 1950s time wrap and I start saying loudly, 'yes, isn't it lovely that it's just not an issue these days, very normal you know!' and I get pursed lips and a bit of quiet muttering in return. Bonkers the lot of them.