My parents are mad (lighthearted)

Toffee I've noticed that generational thing with dishwashers. I tried to give pil my nearly new Bosch dw when we moved, they didn't want it because "fil washes up, I don't have to do it anyway".

No foresight that one day remaining vertical would be difficult and a dw really handy.

I sold it for £150 instead.

God, my parents are unfortunately quite normal compared to some of these corkers!!

They do, however have a super annoying habit of closing all the (internal) doors before going to bed. Grr. All external doors are locked and triple checked secure before going to bed.

And they close the door when they are in a room, even if they leave the room and I'm still in it, they close the door shut.

Drives me insane.

What is that about? Keeping the heat in?

Haven't read the thread, just the OP's post, but really? You think those behaviours are the definition of barking mad? Sawing off the end of the bed is the only strange behaviour in there. You obviously haven't met anyone particularly eccentric have you OP?
And yes, we switch off our broadband and TV at night. Saves power.

Me: why don't you just put those in the dishwasher, Dad?
Dad: because I'm not some layabout. '

Just brilliant

My gran also used to refer to people that she'd been friends with for years as 'Mrs so and so' . I guess it was a generational thing when people were more formal in general.

My MIL also tries to have conversations with H about people that he doesn't remember from years ago. He never even tries to pretend that he remembers who she means. So they have this tortuous conversation:
'You know, that boy that you were friends with when you were 5'
'No'
'You must remember, you used to play with him all the time'
'No'
'Oh, well anyway, he (dull anecdote that means nothing to any of us).'
'Oh'

when my morning sickness struck I wandered into the kitchen and asked my Dad what the had that was "plain, dry and maybe crunchy" ie a cracker or rich tea biscuit. After much hunting the only thing in their kitchen that even touched that description was some celery.'

^Hilarious

My mum has been here a lot this week helping with DD while I'm ill. I have observed that she washes everything up and then puts it in the dishwasher cue much muttering from me about the water meter!
She also has a weird obsession with the microwave. If I nuke anything she shouts "can that go in the microwave?" She apparently puts everything into a pyrex bowl to microwave then into the bowl/plate she plans to eat it from!

The last time I went to stay with my grandad he fretted when he heard me lock the bathroom door and was shouting "but what if you slip and hurt yourself?" whilst I was washing my hair. He moved into his care home a year or two later. DM seems to be largely normal which means either she is or I'm equally bonkers!

MIL is obsessed with attending funerals. She recently went off on a rant about having heard x had died but the family not putting a notice in the paper. DH said surely there was someone she could ask. No, she hadn't seen him in 30 years. We gently suggested that perhaps not being that close, her attendance wasn't absolutely necessary. She was horrified and disgusted with us. She has on a number of occasions turned up to funerals and weddings she has heard about by stealth. She was quite put out at DHs disinterest at the wedding photos she took of a distant cousin (from the road as the church ground was full of invited guests). She cannot see that it's creepy turning up uninvited and photographing family occasions.

This thread is gold.

My dad, despite being retired and well off (or maybe because) always keeps a record of his petrol consumption and has a special little notebook he keeps in the car to jot down starting milage/fuel put in and finishing milage. Even if there is a massive queue at the pumps he will determinedly sit there and work it out and announce with either pride or annoyance, how many miles to the gallon he got.

He gets most perturbed when he asks me how my car does and I shrug and say "how would I know?".

My mum also does the, telling about people who you have no idea who they are, thing too. Although she goes one better and often starts a conversation mid conversation, iyswim.

So, for example, out of nowhere she'll say "That's just like Debbie's isn't it?"

Me: "who's Debbie and what is just like hers?"

Her: "you know, like the one she brought off holiday? Where did she go? Spain? Or was it Portugal?"

Me: "?! I have no idea what you're talking about. Who's Debbie and what did she bring from Spain?".

Her: "Oh so it was Spain, are you sure?"

Me: "NO! Because I have not one blessed clue what or who you're fucking talking about you freak!"

Oh these are so precious! I love barking mad parents.
Love the beer fermenting behind the sofa. That's fantastic !

My dad claims to be as deaf as a post. Midsummer murders and Foyles war are watched With the volume so loud even the dogs give up and go to bed in the kitchen. And we must watch in silence. Even tho they both fall asleep for most of the episode. And who can blame them, it's awful rubbish.

Dad drives like a lunatic. Thinks he's Jensen button. Mum shouts at anyone who dare criticise the dogs. They left my (our) wedding early cause they didn't want the dogs left for too long... But they did come back!

And they have a habit of going awol in the car. We get random calls saying they are having a lovely time in, eg, the Cotswolds. They live in the far north of Scotland. Bloody hell, they make my heart race sometimes...

Mad as a sack of squirrels, but I would not have it any other way...

Hilarious threadop your parents sound absolutely lovely! I'm sure they give you plenty of laughs.

^mobile.

Tangerine But having a payg mo lie isn't anything to do with having money is it? Mine is an up to date iPhone. I could afford a contract phone. I just prefer payg. Same with sky. Just don't fancy it. Although if your DF would like it and has said its the money then I see that's the make n mend do thing. Don't get the payg thing though.

My parents used to have to lock their outside door at a designated time. 9pm, if I remember correctly.

You'd be asked when you'd be back home because they'd need to lock the door. My dad had to do it. No one else was allowed.

I actually left home at 17, partly because of the door. I started a job which finished at 8pm and the pressure of getting home for the 9pm door lockage caused too much stress.

They've moved since. I have no idea what the new arrangements are.

Oh god, it's not the turning off, it's the unplugging. Everything MUST be unplugged.

And the food dates. That yoghurt does not turn into a biohazard at midnight. It will be fine tomorrow.

And the constant stories that start with so-and-so who was in your class at schoool. No they weren't. Cue argument about whether they were or not. I was with the same group of people for 7 freaking years. I should know. Later transpires they are 10 years older than me.

Asking one of the neighbours if Colin starts 'big' school this time. Colin has been in the army for 5 years at this point.

You don't need broadband on to record Sky, but switching the router off at night is never recommended.

My mum has two friends, both called Ann. I'm supposed to psychically know which Ann she is relaying the mind numbingly dull anecdote talking about, even when it's not actually important. So I hear about her trip to buy ready meals from a particular shop, including details of type and portion size. If I inadvertently say something that suggests it's Anne A my mum looks at me askance 'no, not Ann A, Ann B!' As though I've gone completely crazy.

These are all hilarious

My relatives are all bonkers too. My dad was adamant that smart phones could not be connected to their wifi 'because they'll break it'. I always connect to it anyway and he's none the wiser.

They got a fancy new coffee machine, didn't know how to work it and frothed the espresso instead.

They make homemade beer. I was in the living room and heard a weird noise like a tap dripping. 'Oh, that'll be the beer,' says my dad, 'it's fermenting behind the sofa.' I asked him why it was there and he said, 'Why not?' Can't argue with that.

I'm laughing my leg off at the grandmother writing on the table if she ate out of date food! And the forced coffee machine use!

My ddad does the locked doors thing. Luckily I'm allowed a key as we usually stay with him for at least a week at a time.
My stepdad now works away from home 3 days a week. All their tea, coffee and sugar now come in individual use packets. Highly suspicious.
My great grandma also turned everything off. My dad lived with her towards the end of her life and had to put tape over the plugs for his computer after she nearly broke it by turning it off at the wrong time. She also wouldn't let me take a shower if there was nobody else in the house. She would refuse to go out if she knew I needed one.

Great thread and not confessing to the quirks I share with some parents but periodically my DM coined a new word for biscuits she'd use when making tea or coffee for us, "So the dog won't hear and start begging for treats"- never mind he could hear the biscuit tin lid eased off two rooms' away,

My parents keep the wifi router unplugged at all times and only switch it on if someone wants to use it. So if you want to go online while you're there (and you will want to, there's nothing else to do. See weird habit #2 below) you have ask them to switch it on. There then follows a consultation process where they shout at each other between different rooms about who wants to use it, and why, and does it have to be now? Eventually with much huffing and puffing the router will be switched on, and there will then be anxious enquiries every ten minutes or so about whether it can be switched off again yet.

There is nothing else to do in their house because my mother believes that having a TV large enough to watch is vulgar. So they have a little 18 inch thing crammed in the corner of their 20 foot living room. The remote control is kept strictly next to it at all times so it doesn't get lost- they get and and move to it to use it. They do not have Sky, cable or anything similar- just a little ancient freeview box that is kept in a drawer. If my stepdad wants to watch telly, he fetches his special TV chair from the other side of the room. This is a wooden dining room chair. He places it two feet in front of the tiny telly and sits hunched up watching it- even if that means he blocks the view of everyone else in the room.