DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

Also, my gran regularly put fake tan on when she came to our house - always had a mosey around the bathroom. She said it was the same as sun cream and she was lucky she always got a good colour in the sun!
Combination of her poor eyesight and is not knowing what to say or want to shatter her illusions!

When we were teenagers my brother had long hair (nirvana wannabe); and one day we were going out in the car as a family event (can't remember what).
We all got in the car and pretty soon my dad commented on the really strong smell of roses and asked what perfume I was wearing. Told him I wasn't wearing any. Dad was confused as to what was making such a strong smell and then my brother said he'd used my hair mousse. I was confused by this point as I didn't have any.
Turned out that, to create a good impression at this family event, my daft brother had put immac hair removal cream in his hair!!!
To make matters worse, he didn't believe us when we told him and thought we were playing a joke on him!

This thread is fantastic. I've had a miserable day today and this has cheered me right up.

I keep a can of dry shampoo in the cupboard for days when I don't have time to wash my hair. I don't use it often so I was a bit surprised when I went to use it yesterday and it was almost empty.
Later on at the shops with DH, I picked up a new can. DH commented that he didn't know why I bought it as it was rubbish. DH doesn't have much hair and what he does have gets washed every morning so I asked why he was using it. He apparently ran out of Sure for Men.....

I cleaned my teeth with savlon. It was rank. I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth for hours.

I've told this one before...

Back in the day, when smear tests first came out, my Mum nervously prepped herself by washing her fanjo and quickly spritzing it with what she thought was her Femfresh deodrant.

Of she trotted to her GP and duitfully had the smear done. Afterwards, her GP politely thanked her 'for making herself nice for him', which she thought slightly odd, but assumed he was referring to her Femfresh freshness.

It was only that night, that she caught a glimpse of her lady parts in her dressing table mirror and realised to her horror that she hasn't spritzed herself earlier with Femfresh deodrant...she'd actually used my golden, glittery hairspray.

No wonder her GP had been impressed.

Hilarious!

I am reminded that my mil once spent an entire day cleaning my baby son's bot with flash wipes at every nappy change.

jolovescakeandwine your story reminded me of the time MrGin got scratched to fuck off the brambles in my Grandas garden when he was tending it one spring.

My Granda slapped some cream on and told MrGin to rub it in. Turned out to be Anusol. I was ill laughing while MrGin tried to wash it off all the while exclaiming. "What if it had his shit on the nozzle" and retching. For days I kept saying "I can smell shit" when he was near me.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks! Thank you all.
I (as a young child) saw my grandfather with a tube of what looked like toothpaste. He offered me some to taste. It was English mustard!

Bloody Nora I just googled the stuff - no way would that go near my Fanny!!

As if by magic DS inadvertently contributed to the thread tonight - he came home from the barber's and for some reason sprayed his newly cut hair with hairspray. Or furniture polish as most people would call it.
He's 15 and frankly dizzy as fuck at times...

I once rubbed beef flavoured dog toothpaste into my dh's nettle stung shins thinking it was savlon. Both have a blue tube. I was pmsl while he frantically started washing his legs. Smelt of beef

mrsgideon It hurts, doesn't i?

terrribleknitter lye is quite scary stuff, used for scrubbing floors and things. Imagine what it might do to a 13 year old's face. Apparently it was recommended as a vaginal douche too

I may once have cooked chicken in washing up liquid because it was the same colour as olive oil
Dd was always a fussy eater and it didn't help matters

He ended up in hospital being seen by an ENT surgeon, but it's funny now!

God! I'm laughing so much at these

When I was a teenager, living at home, I kept all my aids to beauty on my dressing table. It was in the days of back combed hair, my new boyfriend was in his car outside waiting for me, so I quickly checked my makeup (I'd been doing it for hours) and gave my hair a(nother )quick spray. Except that it was shaving foam" I looked like mr. Whippy

Nominate for Classics as 'big red head' needs to be immortalised!

This thread is hilarious! Laughed so much I cried at some posts.

Mine once tried to eat a dishwasher tablet. He thought it was a big sweet.

Glue ear ha ha ha ha

I'm laughing so hard!
My mum put my dads ear drops in for him one morning before she'd put her glasses on. He said it didn't feel right so she put some more in for good measure. Checked the bottle and it was the glue for my younger sisters false nails!

I must confess that lack of a penis didn't prevent me from putting Body Shop cucumber eye gel in my fucking eyes as a teen it was very sore!

OP, the phrase big red head is reducing me to tears!

I'm imagining him like this and you, like this or this

My darling dad used to get up first and make us all breakfast in bed.

He made me ReadyBrek one winter's morning but unfortunately used Sainsbury's own brand washing powder which was next to the Ready Brek. The colours on the boxes were similar and to save money he never turned on the light.

It was just breaking daylight in my room when he gave me my bowl but I remember thinking that it looked a bit bright.

I spat it all over the dog who was curled up asleep on my bed.

My sister had crawled into bed with my mum and they were shrieking with laughter while my poor dad was saying he could have killed me.

It tasted really salty and I spat it out instantly without swallowing. I had a little bit of a sore throat.

When I got home from school the dog still had washing powder on her fur.